Why am I still sleepy after a good night's sleep?

I woke up without an alarm. Fresh, eager, perky the morning wasn't ready for me. brushed my teeth. Drank a little water, meditated ,in less than an hour I was at my desk laptop going, desktop going, music playing. What? Bring it on, bring it on world I got stuff to do. Y'all why is it even with my favorite coffee brewed perfectlywith all my little splash of Bailey's Irish Cream, less than 20 minutes at my desk I can't keep my eyes open? I slept over nine hours. Ain't no way I'm supposed to be sleeping. This is a joke, right? The universe is playing, right? Right? Parenting Up is the caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles. It is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for the well being of my mama. For almost a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her, and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler Alert- I started comedy because this stuff is so heavy. Be ready for the jokes! Caregiver newbies, OGs, village members trying to just prop up a caregiver you are in the right place.

Hi this is Zetty. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Is that okay?

Today's episode, Why am I still sleepy after a good night's sleep?

Parenting Up family I got a bone to pick with somebody. For those of you who are not from the southern part of the United States, a bone to pick with somebody means I'm mad and I want to complain to anybody who is willing to listen. Preferably to whoever's fault it is, but since I don't really know whose fault it is. I just got a bone to pick with somebody. They've been telling me for years, J Smiles you gotta get more sleep. We have had several podcast episodes about sleep hygiene. They even sent me to a sleep doctor. We have had lots of laughs about J Smiles and how poorly she does with sleeping. I need somebody to explain to me how come I slept nine hours and within an hour or so after waking up feeling spry and ready for the world; my head is bobbing like a boxer bobbing and weaving, trying not to get punched. Seriously though, what in the hell is the point in me doing all that stuff all day? Cramming all my little work into this hour, begging somebody to help me with such and such, getting Zetty ready for bed early, having my caregiver scheduled all set up, if going to bed and go help. I actually went to sleep y'all. Got in the bed, took a shower for real hours before put lavender on mytemples and all that good jazz, and I am still going sleeping the next morning. But the trick was I woke up fresh, excited thinking wow, it's gonna be a great day. I hoped that was an aberration. Maybe was just a one off. Nope, it wasn't. Another time it was the afternoon, I took a break break from work. I wasn't even on shift, I was just going to hang out with Zetty and watch a few games shows. I'm sitting down, I wasn't there, but three, four or five minutes. The host of the game show yells out something. I yell out an answer. Next thing I know Zetty is tapping my knee saying JG, JG what did you say? I was sleep. I fell asleep right after I gave my answer. So much so that my mama is like, JG JG, what did you say? JG Are you sleeping? JG, JG? Seriously, during the break that fast. Let's not talk about driving. It is scary. I went to sleep again, relatively on time for me. It was one or two in the morning, yeah but I still got seven or eight hours of sleep. I had a bunch of errands to run in the morning, before I got ready for a virtual comedy show early in the evening. So then, I was driving, I'm running my errands, I stop at a red light. Then I hear all of these horns honking and I'm looking around thinking, wow there's, somebody is really really pissed off or maybe there's an accident, or somebody is trying to alert a bunch of cars to maybe avoid an accident. And then somebody rolls up beside my car honks really loud and says, go the light is green! Y'all, all of the honking was for me. I had obviously fallen asleep at the red light and then the light changed to green, but I didn't realize it and all of that commotion had been for me. But I fell asleep so good and so sound that when I woke up I didn't even know to look up at the light. I'm too busy listening to the noise and turning my head around to figure out oh who's making all of the concert symphony. I didn't even think anything was wrong people, that's probably what's the craziest, right? Because I was sleeping and these incidents were not back to back days. They weren't even happening on back to back weeks. So I'm condensing them for the purposes of this episode. But they were had enough time between them for me to think ah that was just you know that day. Maybe something weird was going on, but I was irritated because I actually slept the night before. Does that happen to you? Where you think well, I ate kinda okay. I think I had protein and vegetables and fruit and I drank a decent amount of water yesterday. I pretty sure I had a bowel movement and I slept 7,8,9 hours Why in the hell am I so tired? Then the event occurred that I could no longer ignore, oopsies. I was at the nail salon, getting a manicure and a pedicure. Same salon that I've been going to for years. Same technician, no big deal. Before you ask, yes, the night before, was a better than average night of sleep for me. Definitely over seven hours I was in the bed,comfy and cozy and the day fairly smooth. Zetty did not have any medical emergencies. The stock market didn't crash. Nobody's son broke my heart. You know what I'm saying? Anywho I pick out my colors. I say hey, to all my friends in the salon. I'm sitting there, great. They're doing my nails on my fingers. They're doing my nails on my toes. They told me not supposed to say you're not supposed to say nails on your toes that you only have nails on your fingers, do you all agree with that? I don't know, say something in the comments. I'm like there nails on your toe they call them toenails and they call them fingernails. Why can I say nails on the toe, like is, the manicure is on your nails. Anyway, I digress. Y'all somewhere along the way, in my pedicure I passed out. I went to sleep so hard and so fast during the pedicure now for those of you who haven't had a pedicure, they are taking a little steel sharp pencil poker thingy and they are digging up in your cuticle and up under your toenail. And they're scrubbing on your heel and between your toes. And then they lotion in your foot and they're rubbing up and down your ankle and your calf muscles. I fell asleep so hard during that process and while they were painting the toenails and all of that good jazz that the technician left me there. She said I started snoring. She was like J Smiles you were snoring so much and so hard and your head was leaning so far into your chest that I knew you must not have slept for days. Did y'all hear me for days? She actually would not let anybody else tap me to take the chair. She made people work around me. There were other clients who needed the chair I was in and she was over there finger swatting them like uh uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't come over here. For anybody who likes the NBA, or from Africa to Kim Bay Matumbo- no, no, no, no, no. He would wag his finger whenever he swatted or blocked the ball swatted down, like don't bring that in here, that's how she was doing. She said I thought maybe you had an all nighter or maybe you were traveling for your comedy or maybe you had a bad night with your mom. Gues how long I was sleep? An hour with the noise of dribbles and bits and drills and people talking in multiple languages, English plus something else and the music, I slept through it all even a good night's rest. What in the world? Yep, that's when I said J Smiles you don't have a good handle on this sleep thing. Caregiving is whipping your behind because even when you do sleep you are still passing out in public not inebriated, who does that? So I decide I need to go and see my doctor. I walk in with a chip on my shoulder, a big attitude, telling her look doc you told me all these things I needed to do and I'm doing 92% of them on a curve, which probably means I'm doing about 71%, but hell, that's good, that's good. I feel good about my 71% of what you're asking me to do, but I never admitted that to her. So for her, I said, I'm doing 92% of what you said okay and I don't understand why I'm still sleepy. Because what the hell doc, do you need to sleep like 18 hours a day? That's not sustainable. She says, okay, J smiles what part of this is truth and what part this is a comedy routine? I'm like doc ha ha ha, ha ha ha. You wear the white coat, let me tell the jokes. I'm mad, okay. I made all these modifications to my life and my behavior and I'm getting, you know, seven to nine hours of sleep. Which is what, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, eight! All right, seven to nine, follow me people is eight and I'm not hardly ever drinking Remy Martin 17, okay, all right. I'm not even drinking that anymore, like ever, mostly. I don't know what you want from me? I'm walking a lot, drink a lot of water, not doing that random sex stuff anymore with people, I mean. She chuckles and then she starts firing these questions at me. So how's your weight? How's your focus? How's your sex life? Excuse me doc? First of all, you know my weight, okay. You got my weight from last time and I know your little merce, the male nurse, he is cute. Is he single? Okay, I digress, told you my way this time don't play me Doc. Okay and about my focus, I was focused enough to know it was time to come in here and see you and I remembered what time and what date okay. And about my sex life, what sex life? I'm a full time care giver, Doc, listen here. Don't make list. Listen, I don't want to make a scene in here and scare all your other clients The majority of that happened to my head because I do have a brand to protect. And I am a lawyer and I'm trying to be professional, most settings. I don't want the medical community to ever stop seeing me and Zetty because they think I'm too difficult. But I did give the spirit of that argument, but with different language. And then I boiled it all up with doc, listen, it's hard to really know the truth of the questions you're asking me because I'm a freaking caregiver. And I've been a caregiver so many years now, how do I know what my focus is comparatively speaking? Or what my sex drive is like, comparatively speaking, or my weight? Everything fluctuates a lot, but I don't know if it's normal or abnormal, because the life in times of a caregiver is so roller coaster re. I mean, should I be worried and complaining or is this just par for the course? Then doc hits me with well at your age. Ah, oh, now heifer you gone hit me with the at my age, is that's where we go with this doc? You better have a lollipop okay? Or at least a really good expresso machine or something in here for me if you're gonna hit me with the at your age, that's not the way you ease into it. If anyone in the medical field is listening to this, when somebody comes into your office already in a bad mood, you don't start off with the at your age, bad form, very bad form. So she goes with the at your age thing and she tells me about a decrease in energy, lack of focus, a drop in libido, and then she names like 2000 other things that I cannot recall because who cares about the other 2000 after the first three. I told her well doc hell a caregivers lifestyle looks like menopause every effing day. Holla if you hear me? What? If these are your parameters, then lady police I've been in menopause or pre menopausal for over a decade. Luckily there's science, the blood work proves that my body really did stop making testosterone some years ago. I mean, y'all, I'm at 0.0 something 0.019 or something like that. I mean, quit ain't no furlough. My body did not go into, my body walked out. It's not even a picket line with the testosterone going on over here, do you feel me? It said Ah, no. It just died. My body decided I would rather die than make nary more testosterones, the San Francisco treat. Testosterone gives energy, it gives muscle mass, and it assists with sex drive. And if my body stopped producing it years ago, that means I've been out here in this world fighting air. Just like punching at the air, slapping clouds expecting my poor body to produce energy, give me quality sleep, and actually give a shit about things going on in the day to day life or world without me actually giving it any fuel. Poor body I'm so sorry. I'm sorry body. I had unrealistic expectations. What I'm saying is, my hormones are trash and yours might be trashed too. It doesn't matter if you are male or female or gender fluid, your hormones could be imbalanced and if they are your energy level could be very unpredictable. Most of us who are family caregivers are over the age of 45 which also means that our hormones are more likely than not to already have started decreasing. And what's decreasing the most, testosterone No matter your gender. Alright, first of all, did y'all know that everybody has testosterone and estrogen, everybody? I don't care what gender you identify as you have testosterone and estrogen, period. And it is the dip in testosterone that actually can start to cause the greatest, shall I say, commotion and conundrums in your everyday life, sleep patterns, your energy level, your ability to exercise, things of that nature. According to experts humans born with female genitalia and female inner organs have hormone changes during puberty, during menstrual cycles, pregnancy, menopause, and medical conditions. That means there are hormonal changes happening all the time, the fluctuations can be quite great. So wouldn't it be a good idea to know what your baselines are, or what your highs and lows may be? I think that's a good idea. For men, hormone changes are more gradual, but they happen throughout life, puberty, medical conditions, and just plain old growth. Their hormone changes about 1% every year of a man's life. We're speaking of a human born with male genitalia and male organs. We're speaking purely of hormonal changes. Erectile dysfunction is listed as a hormonal imbalance. I mean, that alone is a reason for guys, if you are having any kind of exhaustion problem, as a caregiver, no matter what your age, you gotta go and get your numbers. Here are things that can alter our hormones in addition to the natural aging process- alcohol, caffeine, smoking, stress; hello oh my goodness, caregivers, ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Inadequate exercise, now speak to your own medical teams, your primary care physicians to know what an adequate amount of exercise is. And specifically for men, it talks about type two diabetes, kidney, and liver disease, being something that can actually significantly alter your hormones. I almost tossed my laptop out the window when I read that inadequate sleep could tank your hormones, huh. I might already be screwed. Maybe I can't reverse the hormone thing. Maybe I already lost so much sleep over the previous decade or so as a caregiver, that's why I'm drooling the morning after nine hours of sleep. Interestingly, a physical sign that your hormones may really be out of whack is a fat hump between your shoulders. So if you've noticed that please, swiftly go and speak with your physician. Caregiving is hard, hard, hard. It's exhausting, physically, mentally and spiritually and all the other leads I can't even think of right now. I must admit, I'm happy to know that there is some additional medical explanation for this extreme can't get enough sleep, sleep that I've been feeling. So I'm doing something about it and maybe it can help you too.

Do you have a comment about today's episode? Is there a topic that I've never covered that you want me to handle in a future episode? Cool, text, a purple heart to +1-404-737-1449. Of course, I'm gonna put that in the show notes.

Number 1, caregiving is hard enough. Don't make it harder by letting your body fall apart mechanically. Get your hormones checked. If you're in the United States, it's a test that you must request. It is not standard in a typical annual physical examination. Number 2, hormones can start to tank in your 30s as early as your late 30s, you can actually be emotionally out of balance. Well, don't wait just because you don't have gray hair, or just because you still appear to be physically fit. The point is to not get out of balance, you got this. Number 3, whether you were assigned female or male at birth, you're experiencing hormonal fluctuations throughout their lifetime. And if you're over the age of 40 I suggest it's a series of numbers that you should know.

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