Transcript
WEBVTT
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You find them, opening up in ways you like I didn't know you went through this type of trauma.
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I didn't know that you experienced this type of grace.
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I didn't know that you, you had a job.
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You worked when, when, every time I saw you were available.
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That's right, and it just made me a better person.
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And now I call myself Grandma Whisperer, because now it's weird.
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Hashtag Grandma Whisperer, put that on your Kelly Qs, please do, because it's another adjective added to my name.
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However, I literally am on planes, I'm in airports, restaurants and older people are attracted to me and I find them letting their guards down.
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You talking about those men.
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I'm talking about all the older, older, more mature crowd, Like they open up to me.
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Parenting Up, caregiving adventures with comedian day smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.
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For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat.
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Spoiler alert.
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I started comedy because this shit is so heavy, so be ready for the jokes.
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Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver.
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You are in the right place.
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Hi, this is Zeddy.
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I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast.
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Is that okay?
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Parenting Up Family.
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We are here today doing something special and action.
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Y'all we're ready for that.
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There you go.
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Okay, y'all saw that, and somebody got a little extra side side waist in this mug.
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Today's guest is none other than the fabulous multi-hyphenate actor, comedian podcaster double PhD'd Is that how you say it?
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I mean, yeah, double.
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D's, double, d's, double PhD's.
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Throw some.
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D's on them y'all.
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They're doctors.
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baby, throw some D's on them A major social media influencer, an advocate, an activist, and my soror yeah, we're deltas.
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We ain't gonna even wait for y'all to ask, we're not even gonna wait for y'all to ask.
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Thank, you for being here making time.
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You're busy, You're all over the place, but I just parenting up is just something that you can't even let.
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Just slip through the cracks.
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You've got to get there.
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Yes, you ain't lying.
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It calls.
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Can't even let just slip through the cracks.
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You've got to get there.
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Yes, you got a line.
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It calls you.
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You don't know if you call for it.
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That's.
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That's a good thing and I'm here for the calling right, hello so she's an idiot, which is why I love her.
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Thank you, so many, many people know your story.
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Yeah, because you you share with us on social media and I appreciate it, thank you.
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You give us the laughs, you tell us about what's going great, what might make you kind of sad.
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Everybody doesn't do that, kelly, I know what even gives you the strength to share that much of your personal life online.
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To be completely honest, I know transparency heals right, and so it was somebody else's transparency that gave me strength.
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And so, now that I have this major platform, I always ask God if you give me a platform, I know it's going to be bigger than me.
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I know it's not just for me and I'm going to use it for your glory or however I see fit.
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So a lot of times my stories and my testament help people get through, because people assume that just because you are influenced or you all these things great, that you don't have trials and tribulations You're like no, I have the most, what I have the most, because I require so much more and I'm giving and people are always taking.
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So I have to tell you this is how I'm feeling right now, and you would be surprised.
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Getting two or three messages like I needed that today will make you say, well, I'm gonna do it tomorrow, see who else need it.
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And then it turns into a five, and then you have groups.
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You're in.
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You like, oh my god, this is a calling.
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So it's just something I feel like I have to do and I'm not embarrassed of who I am.
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That's what makes me Kelly Kells neither one of us have long enough legs or toes to actually and fingers to touch, but this was a touch it was.
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That was a touch.
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Now it's the parenting up community, and we're here because at some point we have either been cared for, we are currently caring for someone in our family or someone care for us, and it's a struggle.
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A lot of people don't want to talk about it, a lot of people are scared to talk about it, which is why I wanted you to open with how comfortable you are sharing your story, and it's because it's helped other people.
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Now you're originally from Milwaukee, yeah, and you didn't made a whole lot of places on the big screen, the short screen, the little screen, the cell phone screen, yeah.
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Hbo, yeah, man, okay, come on now.
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Come on, pop yourself.
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But before that, yeah, you was somebody's daughter, granddaughter, mm-hmm At home.
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So often we are found our real calling in talking with our maternal influences.
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Yeah, I know, you got some strong ones.
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I have extreme deep connections with my, my grandmothers and great-grandmothers and I find so much confidence in that because a lot of people like dang you still have your great-grandmother.
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Well, I did up until about six months ago.
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I lost my great grandmother and then, like three months after that, I lost my my mother's grandma.
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So I lost two great grandmas within three months, but they were going strong 93 and 96 years old when they, when they finally transitioned, they were in a right state of mind.
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One of them needed a little bit more care than the other and that was the blessing.
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I was able to do that and I saw myself reaping the benefits of just being in her presence and hearing her stories and connecting with her.
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So my grandmother was the primary caregiver.
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However, whenever I'm around my grandmother, you sit down and relax.
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That's right.
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You have a grandchild in here, that's right, I can do all this.
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As a matter of fact, I can do it so efficiently.
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You didn't even know that it could be done in a short amount of time.
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You know what I mean.
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She's like wait a minute you should come.
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You washed the dishes and vacuumed it.
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It would have Kelly in a week, and so that was the beauty in it and I found so much joy in that.
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And I wasn't Kelly Kells, I was Kelly and I was grandbaby.
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And to love on someone who has loved on you your entire life is a reward.
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It's rewarding, it's the gift that keeps on giving.
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And then you find them opening up in ways you, like I didn't know you went through this type of trauma.
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I didn't know that you experienced this type of grace, right, I didn't know that you.
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You had a job.
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You worked when, when, every time I saw you we're available, that's right, and it just made me a better person.
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And now I call myself Grandma Whisperer, because now it's weird.
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Hashtag Grandma Whisperer, put that on your Kelly Qs, please do, because it's another adjective added to my name.
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However, I literally am on planes, I'm in airports, restaurants and older people are attracted to me and I find them letting their guards down.
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Talk about those men.
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I'm talking about all the older, older, more mature crowd, like they open up to me.
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I go to Samson gym and if you know about anything about Samson gym, it's connected to new birth church.
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The demographic in there is about 50 and up, and then it's me in here Pump it, pump it, pump it Now I.
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It's me in here, pump it, pump, pump, pump it, pump it Now.
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I'm playing picket ball.
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I play picket ball, you're not supposed to do that.
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I play it.
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We're not supposed to do that, and.
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I'm going so hard on them.
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They 50 trying to spike it up Like you gotta.
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Yeah, but all that stemmed from loving on my grandmother when she didn't expect me to do those things Right, and my family probably didn't expect me to come in and be hands on what you need.
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No, I don't want to put no gloves on.
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I know this sound crazy, right, Because in my mind this gloves making me feel like ew, nah you okay, Like I'm not in the hospital, I'm not a nurse.
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You, my grandma.
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Yeah, yeah, you can touch your skin and whatever come out your body.
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Let's go.
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We got soap don't we and, and we got soap and I'm taking something, so he bought his.
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Why did you buy all this soap?
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we're taking a couple of people your, uh, your story to me is extra special because you're talking about multiple generations of women who were strong in their influence in your life.
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And then you come back and then you get to help Share a little bit about how that role reversal felt.
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Was it hard for you?
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Was it hard for your elders?
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Because now you know you little baby Gally and then now you come and you actually have to of your great grandmama for however long that you can.
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How'd that go over?
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I think it was just more of an endearing feeling for her.
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I am extremely loving and kind and gentle, so I can listen to the long-winded stories, so I never made her feel uncomfortable in any space that she was in, so it was rewarding for me.
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I felt as if I'm only doing this because I could pray to be 93 years old and sit there and I want somebody to have grace, patience with me, right?
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And that was the thought process at one moment.
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And then it just became a natural instinct.
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You don't even think about it when you're parenting up, right?
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Ah Bam, ding Ding, you don't even think about it, because that's what love is, it transcends.
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So they loved on me, so I can love on them and I can't wait for my daughter to love on me and my grandchildren to love on me, because I already planted that seed and it was like planting a seed and then watching it grow.
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And then, of course, everything that grows must, you know, ungrow and but.
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But I found peace in the ungrowing process because I already did all the the loving and the curating them and digging the dirt and and making sure it was fresh mulch and everything.
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Oh, it was, it was good and she saw you and she saw me.
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Get, get your dreams.
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Tell a funny story, please.
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Yes, like literally my grandmother.
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We were born and raised in a church.
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Right, there was a trend going on about tell your grandmother or tell someone you love, like, hey, I'm trying to get this money from a scholarship, but I need to tell them that you were a prostitute.
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I remember that I did that with my great-grandma, but my grandma was recording.
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So I'm like Grandma hey, I'm talking to my grandma.
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She's sitting on her bed.
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I'm like Grandma hey, it was so hard raising eight children.
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How did you do it, coming from the streets of being a prostitute?
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She said it was hard.
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It was hard.
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She didn't know what was going on.
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She said but I made it, my grandma couldn't.
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My grandma recorded.
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My grandma said what, mom?
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You were never a prostitute.
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She said we're getting the money right.
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Oh, this is why I'm who I am Right.
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Oh, that was so good.
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She was willing to be a prostitute to get me that scholarship money.
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Listen Wow.
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Wow, you know what?
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And what I just learned from you too is it seemed like it skipped a generation.
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So you know, the grandmama in the middle might not have had as much of the spice as you, nope, and the one above her.
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That's the same in my family.
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Yeah, my mama the blonde, just in case y'all ain't know.
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Yeah, I can see it.
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My mama is so demure, so demure and quiet.
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She doesn't curse or smoke or drink.
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She walks on the correct side of the street.
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All the things Blah blah, blah Blah.
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She doesn't know where I came from.
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Yeah, and I remind her, baby, I came from your mama.
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My grandmother, my mom's mom, was smoking cigarettes at 14 and skipping school.
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Yeah.
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And getting guys to take her to the bar.
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I love her.
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Come on this is 19th grade.
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She lived life, what, what?
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That's what I'm telling you.
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My grandma, both of my great-grandmas, spunky, yeah, no, no, no, okay, hold on.
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My great-grandma spunky, my grandma, that's my mom.
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That's my daddy's side, yeah, but on my mama's side, my great-grandma, oh boy, and then my grandma spunky.
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Right, so I'm like okay ding, ding ding ding, ding.
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It all came out in you on both sides.
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Yeah, I'm like oh, look at God.
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Car ain't got no roof, we be in the city, all right.
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That's a song.
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Absolutely it is a song, it is.
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Maybe they'll give us some money for that.
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Please, you know what I mean.
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I love how grandma was like did we get that scholarship?
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I'm absolutely about to repost that video.
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Please do.
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I have to, please do.
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It was classic, I love it Any part.
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that was hard for you, though, kelly.
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When you're seeing a person that you've loved and respected maybe not just the last few months, just to say over the last couple of years as you see, you're like, wow, she's not walking the same or not talking as quickly, or maybe she used to love the way I had the church and now she forgot that she don't even have the wig on, or whatever.
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That might not be your story, but that happens, yeah.
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Did you find yourself starting to turn the dial to damn?
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They not grandmama's?
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not quite, I didn't have that with both instances One I obviously was a more caretaker of, and one it was just knowing the situation.
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It happened and suddenly, right, they went from being in perfect health.
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It was almost like a dagger.
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We know that they're getting older, we know that they have potential health issues, but they were living with them and they were fine.
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These are things that were streamlined, yeah, but then when they got sick, they just got sick, and then it was done.
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And when they got sick, they just got sick, and then it was and it was done.
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So I didn't have a chance to honestly process it in those type of segments of oh man, she's moving slower, because it was like I see her one day and she's in Milwaukee, they're both, they both were in Milwaukee.
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I see her one day and she's like, hey, we talk, we eat, my grandma just made breakfast, we enjoy ourselves, and then, literally like three days later, they like, hey, you may need to get down here, and I'm like what, what, just how?
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And it just happened.
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You got the wrong Kelly Cash.
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You got the wrong, Kelly Cash, and it just happened suddenly.
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But I wasn't able to just go down there because I have a life that contracts and I have so many type of commitments.
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But I was on FaceTime and I saw just the dwindling down and it was probably hard for them more than me, but I was like kind of lived in the moment of nah, I just was there like four days ago, yeah like nah, this is not what I'm accepting.
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It's a technology glitch, maybe it's just not.
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Yeah, no, it seriously felt like that I was like is the phone froze?
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It was like no, she's really not responding as fast as you think.
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So, I think it was just a more denial thing and not being in the actual moment, because I was removed from it then.
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Yeah, I wasn't back here in Atlanta, so I didn't experience it more like that.
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I kind of took the joy aspect Like God, thank you for the time that you gave me.
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Nice, you get what I'm saying.
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That's beautiful.
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Honestly, if I could choose, I would never go to hospitals, I would never go to funerals, right, I would live in the moment, the most fresh moment of us spending great time together.
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That would be my last impression, so sore.
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Yeah, I would love to do that.
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I would love to do that, if you figure that out, yeah, just text me DM, whatever it is how we can not go to funerals in hospitals, unfortunately, when you're the strength of your family right don't point at me no, it's too late, it's on you.
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You can't not be it.
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They know it's on you.
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You have to be there and you have to be there full-fledged, ten toes down standing on.
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Ha ha, ha, yeah, yeah, everybody's happy.
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Oh, everything's good, Great.
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Oh, no, no, it's true, truly.
00:16:51.288 --> 00:16:56.226
And then you get in your car like ha ha Right, all the emotions, all the emotions.
00:16:59.558 --> 00:17:11.367
Every last one Because of all the emotions that happen in the car, particularly when you're a caregiver who happens to be a comedian, so everybody expects you to walk in the room with a joke.
00:17:11.367 --> 00:17:11.829
Enlighten it up.
00:17:11.829 --> 00:17:12.900
Who did you just meet?
00:17:12.900 --> 00:17:14.310
What set were you just?
00:17:14.473 --> 00:17:14.513
on.
00:17:14.513 --> 00:17:15.760
Where are you going next?
00:17:15.894 --> 00:17:16.939
Show me your new purse.
00:17:16.939 --> 00:17:18.364
Yeah, what's your next set?
00:17:18.364 --> 00:17:19.780
What's the theme going to be?
00:17:19.780 --> 00:17:24.057
And you're like, but I was here because Uncle Jack is dying, can we talk about that?
00:17:24.057 --> 00:17:25.865
I don't want to talk about nothing in Hollywood.
00:17:26.817 --> 00:17:29.539
But I just want to say that that's our gift.
00:17:29.539 --> 00:17:33.799
It is, and so that's why we was in the room and that's why we get in the car and go.
