Transcript
WEBVTT
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family.
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This is nuts Okay, to me at least it's nuts.
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You know your person goes into the hospital, something's wrong with them, and then it's time for them to be let go discharged and go home.
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Go discharged and go home.
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What if there's no home to go to?
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What if nobody shows up to pick them up?
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What is supposed to happen?
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You can't just stay in the hospital forever, or can you?
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Does the city keep you?
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Does the state keep you?
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Do you just become automatically without a home, or unhoused?
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What in the whole hell?
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Anyway, today's guest is about to let us know what in the world goes down when a person might not have somebody to check on them.
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All right, come on, lean in, listen, watch.
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I mean, I'm going to make sure it's a little bit funny, but it hurts.
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It hurts to think about it.
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Parenting Up caregiving adventures with comedian Dave Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.
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For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat.
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Spoiler alert I started comedy because this shit is so heavy, so be ready for the jokes.
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Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver, you are in the right place.
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Hi, this is Zeddy.
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I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast, the hard truth about diabetes and dementia.
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The hard truth about diabetes and dementia.
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Our parenting up community is growing so fast I can't put out an episode as fast as we're growing.
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So text podcast to 404-737-1449 for updates, exclusives and suggestions on topics.
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While you're at it, share an episode with a caregiver you love.
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Review on Apple Podcasts and follow us on social media.
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Subscribe to our YouTube page, please.
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It really helps Parenting Up Community.
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Boy.
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We are about to have something special happen today.
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Welcome.
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Timothy, thank you.
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Thank you so much.
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A pleasure to be here.
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You have a unique combination.
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I don't think we've quite had anyone with your mix-up of talent and experience.
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This is going to be fun.
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You are a caregiver and you have a company that helps medical experts get it right for people like me.
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I cannot wait to dig into this a little bit more.
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So tell us about who it is you care for in your family.
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So right now, yeah, so right now, my mom is our one remaining caregiving member that we have.
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So my mom has dementia.
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It's a type 2 diabetes-related dementia and it just comes from years and years of neglect and genes and the lottery and so it's been interesting.
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She has some, you know, interesting uh times and, um, you know we recently actually had a transitioner into uh into a community and the community has memory care and that sort of stuff for her uh when she progresses to that stage.
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But, um, you know there was a lot that was we had to do to set up for that and I worked with my sister, um, she was really great with that and you know that's been entertaining.
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It's been a bit of an adventure, especially like the little things like you know, taking away the car keys and that sort of stuff.
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And you know, just it's been a time.
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But you know it kind of helps us with our work.
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You know we assist mainly we assist hospitals with finding placement options for very challenging patients and you know we and unfortunately a lot of times we see folks with dementia and Alzheimer's fall into that category.
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You know the family just isn't quite prepared or on the same page and you know, and insanity ensues after that.
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Right Before we get into your company with your mom, you said dementia related type two diabetes.
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See, I knew you were about to give us something we hadn't talked about here before.
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Yeah.
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So you tell me that your mom from diabetes actually slipped on a banana peel into dementia actually slipped on a banana pill into dementia.
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Please let us know how that happened Because, listen, I'm from the deep South.
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I know people aren't around here thinking that the sugar could lead them into forgetting stuff.
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Please enlighten us, yep.
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So there's three things that typically happen to individuals who have type 2 diabetes.
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One is an increased risk of cancer, another one is typically increased risk of heart disease and a third is increased risk of dementia, and that actually takes up a big chunk of people.
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Isn't that crazy Right of people?
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And that crazy right?
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And but if you think about if your body isn't managing sugar properly, your brain is the one organ that, like says I need sugar because it needs the most of everybody, has so many things it has to do, has to operate on.
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But if your body isn't managing that properly, um, that's going to lead to damage in the brain.
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You know, just, I just simply to see it as easy as that right and so and so that carries on into, like you know, issues like with dementia.
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So if you mentioned so, if you mix that also with, like how you're getting your, your carbs, like is it through alcohol or something like that, then we, then we see it targeted on top of that to like lewy body dementia.
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So you have, like you become violent, that sort of stuff different types of dementia on top of that.
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So, yeah, it's not, it's not fun, but yeah, it's, and now that we're seeing that much more commonly associated, where hospitals will actually say this is a type 2 type of diabetes, associated dementia, as opposed to the patient just has straight up dementia or whatever it may be, they're actually clarifying this in many cases and, if you think about it, there's a tremendous amount of med management that you have to do for somebody.
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Does a dementia patient want to be pricked Right?
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It's like no, no, they don't.
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Those are going to be challenges that you have to deal with and stuff like that.
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So, getting that know, getting that sugar under control before, yeah, go ahead.
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Sorry.
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No, did you mention that?
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Remember, I'm a comedian?
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Did you just say, oh, depending on how you get your carbs, say, if it's alcoholism or if you're drinking, I was like, well, that's a way to get your carbs.
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I know a lot of people who get their carbs through their drinking and it can get out of control sometimes and I don't know that any of them have thought through this could lead.
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You know, people have thought about or talk about.
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I should say this I don't know what they're thinking, but they've thought about maybe liver damage, cancer, oh yeah you know kidney liver problems, cirrhosis of the liver, but not, oh man, I'm, you know, about to break my brain, which is what I affectionately call yeah, but I never really put that.
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I never put, like you know, some types of dementia together with you know, with you know excessive drinking and stuff like that.
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Uh, and yeah, I grew up in florida and georgia, right, I mean it's kind of like I mean, what else are you going to do on a saturday, right?
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I mean like like hello, you know, I never like really kind of put that together until I started working in health care and and I said, yeah, person has a history of drinking, they have dementia.
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And I remember a nurse was saying no, no, absolutely not.
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Just stay away.
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Stay away because that person is going to turn on you in a second and they're not going to know why.
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And it's because, yeah, because they just lose all regulation of you know, anger control and that sort of stuff.
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So, and that's a whole different type of dementia, a Lewy body dementia, and that's what scares a daylight self provider so much so we've had a fair share of those.
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I'm surprised.
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I'm surprised she doesn't, because I mean I love my mom to death but she for 20 years she had a diet of Miller Light and Jujubes right, that was her diet.
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You know, and like you would find like jujubes, like in her house.
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We find jujubes like all over the place still and it's been like you know years.
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Right, you know it's like like my goodness now like miller light, I mean that's like really.
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I mean I don't know if you could really count that as beer.
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It's not the strongest.
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But to continuously like you'll be drinking like you know a couple and stuff like that.
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And you know, you know, a night I didn't like really think that like whatever was like a problem or anything.
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Until like, until I had a friend of mine over, I was a little kid and, um, my, my best friend, whole world, and his first night.
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He comes over and spends the night and he goes back home.
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We're hanging out the next day and he says I have some questions about your family.
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I was like well, what is it?
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He's like well, I don't think they're alcoholics, but they do drink a lot.
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I was like really it's a light beer.
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I was like what's it going to be?
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It's like you know, and it's kind of like I was talking to my sister like a little while ago.
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It was just like yeah, we yeah, our parents.
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I drink like a lot, like I don't know if they were, but you know my mom definitely is, you know, having some of the issues with it, you know nowadays and stuff especially with type 2 diabetes and her, her dementia.
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So yeah, it was like it made some for some, for some interesting moments.
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But yeah, we'll still, we'll find candy in the house for for ages.
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I'm pretty sure whoever owns this house next is gonna have like, gonna find like random boxes of jujubes hidden, stashed away it's like it will be a delayed easter egg hunt, or like a treasure finder or whoever.
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And the crazy thing is they stopped making those like years ago.
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It's like they're like this they may not even know what it is they're like.
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What is this?
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thing.
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Is it pet food?
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Is it goldfish?
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Yeah Right, what symptoms did your mom display to let you or what other family members say think that she needed medical intervention?
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Ok, this is not just mom acting a little wonky or a little quirky from her Miller light and her juju bees.
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This is something more serious.
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Yeah, well, I was taking place and we were taking care of my dad, right, and we started to notice that she was like you know, she's paying attention to my dad.
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My dad had cancer.
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My dad had liver cancer.
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There's a clad skin tumor.
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I mean he's going to die.
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I mean it's, you know, it's just he put up like a hell of a fight, but you know, but she was like so involved in that and she really wasn't even like taking care of herself at all and, um, and mind you, she didn't really take care of herself beforehand.
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Um, and so that that really kind of like accelerate everything, the stress and dealing with all that, um, your body just isn't going to hold up to it.
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Very well, and you know, and she was, you know she was forgetting things.
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You know, she was like you know leaving, you know it's, you know not one thing.
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Like you know leaving the stove on, but it know leaving, you know is you know not one thing like you know leaving the stove on, but it's nothing entirely.
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Like you know forgetting how to drive a car and you know, and nearly running somebody over who was my son at the time, and then that's kind of like how we jerked the keys away.
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We're like, yeah, no, that's, you don't get to drive anymore.
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Or just like not paying attention to the speed limit, like at all, you know, to the speed limit, like at all.
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It's like when you're loading up in a car and mom's assisting on driving and stuff like that, and you're positioning everybody in a car and basically on who you love the most, right, the ones that really care about it are going to sit in the back.
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Well, you didn't clean up the rest.
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Go ahead and sit next to mom all right.
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Keep the window down so you can jump out, just in case you need to tuck it all.
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You want one hand up and you don't have the other one on the seat belt, in case you have to jump exactly?
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did she realize?
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Go ahead, no, no.
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No, no, she didn't, no, she didn't realize it was going on.
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You don't?
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You don't really I mean cause, you know, and and and once and once.
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Once individuals do realize it's usually too late.
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She, she, we were watching, we were watching Braveheart.
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One time my mom's from Scotland.
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She was from Glasgow, right, but she was like she's.
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She would spend like four hours in Scotland, you know, but she considers herself Scottish you know, and she grew up in Scotland Four hours.
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That's funny, literally like yeah, yeah, like she popped out, they got onto a plane.
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They were like in the airport and then they left right I mean, or boat, whatever they took, because it was like the 40s, right, and so the um.
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So we're watching braveheart, which is I mean, my mom it treats it as a comedy um, because it's not like really factually accurate, like at all.
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It's like not close.
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And but there's one scene my mom's from glasgow and she's always been very proud of glasgow and there's like a rival city called Edinburgh in Scotland.
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That's kind of like the New York versus Boston type of rivalry, right, and my mom and sister and it says in a cute little like dementia starting to kick in voice oh, they filmed it on location, like when they were showing like Edinburgh, and it's like, you know, it's like they're all like wearing kilts and it's like mud and it's like you know, the 13th century, but yeah, she can recognize it as it being Edinburgh, like nothing ever changed.
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And we just like I mean she was like very like sweet about it, but we just everyone's like I just busted out laughing at it.
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You know, it's like it was pretty, it was pretty good.
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So you get like those kind of like moments.
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But you know, it was like we're not like quite connected, but those are that's kind of like a tale, like okay, like we're we're not putting the pieces together here and that sort of stuff.
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So it was it's.
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It has to be a lot of Hopefully.
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That's good dry humor.
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I think David Letterman would have appreciated that comment.
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Absolutely, absolutely.
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How many years?
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since her diagnosis.
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About five, about five years.
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Okay.
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Yeah, and we really worked pretty hard to get her sugar intake under control.
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Grocery shopping is fun with her.
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Let me tell you, you are the devil.
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She wants to buy every single candy, that there is every single alcohol.
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Now she's in a community.
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They're like, well, they let me have alcohol and drink whatever I want in the community.
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I'm like, no, they fucking don't.
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No, they don't like, trust me on this one.
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Like they're just giving you grape juice, mom, or cranberry juice, okay.
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It's like no, no, that's like not happening, of course.
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It's like and then?
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And then you'll find like there's like, yeah, they'll have, like people like stashed away beer, because they do just like like in alfs, they will serve alcohol, you know, because I mean, they want to be like, you know, fun like that, but they're not supposed to give it to everybody.
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And she's like on that list, like absolutely do not, because she will start dancing on tables.
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Um, yeah, don't do that.
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Yeah, she's, she is, she is the party.
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Um, she has to have the attention and that's the other thing like dimension, those, those types of behaviors can really start to come out more.
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Um, if, if your loved one was like a little bit manipulative beforehand, that's gonna really kind of kick into high gear.
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They're really gonna be more and more manipulative as it progresses.
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You know, my mom's my mom's always trying to pull something between me and my sister like all the time.
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It's just like she's our mom.
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So are you awful children?
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We're gonna.
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How could you do this?
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You're the worst people ever.
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I'm like like, are you kidding?
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like seriously, like, like, like I like I don't get it Are you and your sister, typically on the same page with your mom's care.
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Oh, absolutely Same page, same medication, same alcohol, same everything.
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Yeah, we match really good.
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It doesn't always happen that way it's just like.
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It's just like it is you have a parenting up, right, you can't, you can't.
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You and your spouse have to be on the same page with your children, right?
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Well, you and your siblings have to be on the same page.
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Your parents, because, especially my mom, because she's like pretty manipulative, she will twist it, she tries to pit us against each other.
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Like are you kidding me?
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Like how messed up is that?
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Like you know, and so like there'll be times where she's like she's only talking to like one of us.
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On top of that, you know.
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So like, right now, I'm the bad child.
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Like what the hell did I do?
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Will she tell you that she's upset with you, or does she only let your sister know?
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usually only tells the other, only tells the other one.
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And the thing is, you want to know what it is that I got to be the bad one for?
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usually in this case yeah.
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so my, we have my mom, like has her like credit cards still and that sort of stuff, and she was spending a lot and, um, you know, that's, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna spend yourself down.
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You know, really quickly, that's not an option we really want.
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So we it wasn't even like a discussion, it was just like we're going to take the credit cards away.
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My sister took the credit cards away and we give her a bank card.
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That could be you could add value to it, ok, you could put like cash on it, whatever, so that could cover her needs and so she doesn't end up broke.
00:19:00.635 --> 00:19:22.797
And the and my mom got like like furious at my sister for that at first, but then turned it towards us when I, when I was talking to my mom and just totally I said no, that's exactly what it was, because give you, give you a week and you would be flat broke because you buy like everything like like.
00:19:22.797 --> 00:19:25.027
And that happens too, like you know, because you're trying to.
00:19:25.027 --> 00:19:36.320
Sometimes people are trying to fill in, like you know, sort of like a loss, like you know sort of like a loss, or like you know some sort of like connection that they're looking for and you know you get that instant gratification when you buy something, right?
00:19:36.320 --> 00:19:39.259
So you know you'll see people buy things a lot.
00:19:39.259 --> 00:19:41.452
You know, my mom was like that.
00:19:41.493 --> 00:19:50.863
We had a case where it was like that was at the hospital and the guy had like freaking Amazon Prime boxes throughout his room because he'd been ordering shit on Amazon.
00:19:50.863 --> 00:19:56.359
He, he or he'd been in the hospital for so long.
00:19:56.359 --> 00:19:57.835
The guy ordered a Roomba.
00:19:57.835 --> 00:20:00.423
The guy ordered a Roomba and he had the.
00:20:00.423 --> 00:20:02.269
The Roomba was like going around the hospital.
00:20:02.269 --> 00:20:03.476
I was like that's really kind of cool.
00:20:03.476 --> 00:20:04.736
You guys have a Roomba in here.
00:20:04.736 --> 00:20:06.557
They're like no, the patient ordered that.
00:20:06.557 --> 00:20:10.663
He's like and I get up to him and he's like yeah, I felt like it should have helped tidy up the place.
00:20:10.663 --> 00:20:14.731
You're kidding me, dude?
00:20:14.731 --> 00:20:16.314
He'd been there for so long.
00:20:16.314 --> 00:20:18.457
You know it was like you go in there.
00:20:18.457 --> 00:20:24.509
It was like you know, there's probably about 60 Amazon boxes that hadn't even been opened yet, right?
00:20:24.509 --> 00:20:28.640
And he's trying to like yeah, he's a dementia guy, but he's just trying to feel that need you know?
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:30.143
Kind of like, oh, you got something.
00:20:30.829 --> 00:20:33.452
No one stopped him Like a nurse.
00:20:33.452 --> 00:20:34.698
Well, I guess for the room.
00:20:34.698 --> 00:20:36.497
But they were like, hey, this is benefiting us.
00:20:38.891 --> 00:20:45.258
The CFO's probably like wow, we're saving labor hours here.
00:20:46.301 --> 00:20:47.104
thanks, Absolutely.
