Focus on Humans, Not Systems: A Conversation with Michaell

You know how sometimes you can't figure out what's happening inside your own brain, your own mind. The entire world makes you think you're the oddball, Maybe something's wrong with you. You're like, hey, I'm just being me. I've been this way my entire life. I don't know anything else to do, to think, to feel, to taste, to play with, to paint. How can it be me that's the oddball or doing something wrong, when I've been like this every waking moment, every sleeping moment of my entire life? Well, if you've ever had a moment like that, please turn the volume up. Don't go nowhere, because today is the day that you have found your friends. Yes, we Parenting up caregiving adventures with comedian Daysmiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat Spoiler alert. I started comedy because this shit is so heavy, so be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, OGs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver you are in the right place. Hi, this is Zeddy. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. You okay? Focus on humans, not sisters. A conversation with Michael. Our parenting up community is growing so fast. I can't put out a episode as fast as we're growing. So text podcast to 404-737-1449 for updates, exclusives and suggestions on topics why you added shared episodes with the caregiver you know. Review on Apple Podcasts and follow us on social media. Subscribe to our YouTube page, Please. It really helps Parenting up family. You are in for what we call a fancy treat, Michael. Yes, Tell us how to say your last name.

Magruch.

Magruch.

Yes, you got it. You got the role in that too.

I was practicing that.

Yeah, I hear it Good.

Yeah, so when we talked a little bit earlier, there are some fancy words like neurodiverse, merch.

But before we yes, neurodiversity.

But before we get into all the fancy science stuff, I want you to share with the parenting up community what it was about your childhood that made it challenging, because folks said, hey, this guy something's not quite, he's not quite like everyone else and you had to figure out your own path, and that is why it is so amazing that you're coming to help caregivers figure out how to manage their stress and determine how to help themselves and their LO's throughout life.

Yeah, Like I said, I was a sick child, went to school, couldn't read or write, couldn't regurgitate, and I have a hand, a brain hand coordination problem, meaning not that I'm that my nerves don't work or anything, but I cannot communicate what I imagine and do it. It's called dysgraphia. That comes with dyslexia. Which dyslexia, guys? You switch numbers. Instead of 13, you write 31, you mean 13, but you write 31. And when you? Also, I cannot read my handwriting and I cannot even see the context of it. So even I have to literally write in caps in order to get it, and even then it's hard for me. So I wrote six books and I have to computer read it to me. I can't read my own books.

Wait, hold on, Michael. You wrote six books, but you can't read your own books.

Now I have to computer read it because my dyslexia you know well, tell us a little.

Okay, explain dysgraphia.

Dysgraphia is. Dyslexia is when you switch, when you switch words, when you switch and write, see that the hand, the brain, when you have to transform in your brain something into the physical meaning you write, is, you know, the world is beautiful and I would write the world C beautiful. Si you know, I would say that there's 12 apostles, I would write there is 21 apostles. So obviously in school you can never, you know, you can't have that because this system is linear and whatever is linear is not, is not valid, it's not system relevant, and that's what I call system relevant. And you said so beautiful words when at the beginning you said you know, I'm always being me, and and and. Actually I've never met a human that says I fit it in perfectly. I don't know, I've never fit, doesn't matter the whitest white people or the blackest black people or the gayest gay people, nobody ever fit it in and and and and say I've totally fit in, I am perfect, right, and and and and. That's why I'm saying, that's why I am so much about human centricity, because in my observation of 50 years hitting the wall, doing what the system tells me, push through. You know, don't give up, hit the wall, and I did hit the wall and I've wasted so much life, energy on one side, on the other one. It woke me up when I was 50, I got woke up. I just looked at life and said, oh my God, this just makes no sense. That system relevant life, because we have all these systems. For example, hunger 25,000 people die of hunger every day and we have two, almost two thirds we throw away on food, almost almost two thirds of food that we throw away. And I just signed a petition for Europe, because in Europe you can do a petition and then the more people assigned for this is that it's not tax. The tax in Europe is supporting that companies throw away their food, so meaning it's not that humans get, you know, pay less for bread. We throw bread away and and so that the price is up. That's not capitalism, right? That is. That's shenanigans, that is that is shenanigans. Betraying on the human race, on the human species, and I'm so, and that this is tax. You get paid for this. So I'm going to make a company, just create abundance overbuns of food. I don't need to worry about selling it because I get taxed money to destroy it. What is this? What is this? What?

is this Right? So let's, let's, let's use the system in our favor. I totally love it. So you're growing up and you're banging your head up against the wall because of the systems who are telling you you're not doing it right, you're wrong. What is the theme, or the moment, or the series of moments where you say, hey, you know what? It can't always be me. I'm not going to beat myself up and let myself just have this lack of confidence and be always in the shadows or unheard. I'm going to stand up for myself or I'm going to make sure that I live a life where. I'm going after what it is I want. How did you turn that corner and take control?

It wasn't a corner, it was basically observation of observation. For example, I was blessed which I know now, I didn't know then with a very strong spirit. Obviously I was also blessed that I was forced that I couldn't do in the system anything. I was forced through my neurodiversity. Not being able to be system relevant, I'm forced to having friends, a lot of friends Then. In addition, I was human-centric right away. That was my survival. If I wasn't human-centric, if I say, screw everybody, you don't understand, if I was in my ego and said you don't understand anything, I know everything and you don't nothing, I would have been dead. I was very human-centric, tried to understand humans and not from oh, I like this person versus that person. I had to take any human to talk to me, it doesn't matter. Then the art community was helping, because a quarterback in the art community, when you want to play a play, he has to play an old woman, the quarterback, what I mean. So what I'm saying is, in the arts community, it doesn't matter how system relevant you are, like a quarterback. We need an old woman and we don't have one, we have all guys. You're going to play the old woman. That was so enlightening for me to see this, because art is such a gift that you know very well that's in us and that's a gift of God that we all have. We're all artists, we just haven't used that muscle. But when to use that muscle, we create phenomenal things and, especially, learn why we are unique. What is our uniqueness? Because nature has made us one of one of eight billion unique humans, with our own DNA, own fingerprints, own irises plus and see, this is what people forget all of you of life. Because even if you have five brothers or sisters and they all are grown up together, they are very short apart and just like a year each sibling. You all have a different view point on life. All have two brothers and one sister. They all have a completely different view on life and it doesn't matter if you love each other or not. They're all different. So how can be any system be right? Because we are all one of one. So we need to be system-centric that say how can we? Because we are all different and we have the ability to adapt, which is a superpower, because otherwise that would never a system work. No system would ever work if it wasn't for our adaptability to fill out a tax form, you know, go through a driver's license or anything. No system would be able, you know, pray to our religion. Even Nothing would work if we weren't having the adaptability. And so when I look at life, I say, you know, we, if we are all unique and one of one, we got to find a way which we can. We are limitless. We created systems. We can adapt the systems and update it so we can all do together, all individuals. And why are systems here? To serve us? Because we created them to serve us. Every human, not just, you know, a categorized person, you know, race, gender, whatever. No, no, no, no, no. All humans.

Michael, how did you get into the arts in the first place? Was it in school? Music In your community, your family, religion?

Rolling, you made it up. Rolling Stones, marvin Gaye this is where I got in it. Just it, just all. I love all music, miles Davis, you know, I love all music and I started being a DJ because I collected record and I could make money, so and also I made tapes and sold them out of my truck, out of my trunk, and then and then I started doing fashion shows. Then I was in advertising and I think I did a pivotal. You asked me how I? I think a choice, there's choices in your life. I wasn't a famous DJ, I wasn't a famous anything, but I worked always in the arts. And when I was 30, I looked at my resume and I had to write a new resume and I looked at it and said, damn, I am an artist all the time, even though, you know, I'm not system relevant as an artist. So the system doesn't say, michael, you an artist, here is your, you know, job. So I said I couldn't even be an accountant, I couldn't be a lecturer or anything, because I'm an artist. And I made that with 30. And that was. I think that was a pivotal decision, where I call myself an artist and without being ashamed, because I know a lot of very famous artists that feel still ashamed calling themselves an artist, because it's a big deal.

Yeah it's a big deal. Yeah, yes, it's really a big deal for any of us when we take ownership. Yeah, not only of how we make an income and make a living, but of what we do, and we take real ownership of how we live, how we show up and what we do with our Talents. Where were you living then? What city? What?

Austria. So they said Austria speaking German. And where do you?

live? Where do you live?

Los Angeles and salsa for Los Angeles?

Yes, yeah and when you started to Own. I'm an artist. Yeah music Theater, all the things that come with it. What happened next, especially in terms of your neural diversity?

I said it. No, no, I was always. I almost didn't feel the neuro diversity because I went and didn't go to school. So I have like eight years of school and two of them I repeated the grade because I wasn't lazy and just couldn't do it, and so I was the big putz, you know, with all the young kids and you know when, how that is, when you're 12 years old. So I could handle life better than school. Life is life and school is system, and so I could, I could, and so what? The jobs that I did Were. I wasn't rich, but it made me survive. My jobs helped me survive and they were all creative and that's why I said, even if I wanted to be system relevant, I couldn't and I couldn't do anything else. I was thinking what else could I've chosen? For me, an artist was also a big word, right, but I said, in my case I have to be an artist because I can't have done anything else In the system. You know how to define myself and when I did that, a lot changed, a lot, I mean amazing stuff changed. Because ownership you, you said it, I I was Getting into the television cell sales business and I walk in, you know, before Khan film festivals. I walk in the without education Okay, no arts degrees or anything and I'm selling TV programs and a Person they put on my show and says, are you, michael McGrew, just said yeah, it says here and you know, in the Convention, yeah and it's. And I said yeah, next time. When you in LA and I was already in LA I moved to in between once I decided that I also said this is too systemic in in Europe, I gotta go to America. That was 46 years ago, don't forget. America was very free in. You know, very much less systems than now. So now we, we America, tries to be the same as everywhere else, but with a lot of systems. But because systems up Lake, you know, we always get more. It's like laws. We get over more laws. Nevertheless, you know. So you know I moved to America and so when I was in come, I was still between America and and Europe. And when that, when this person's next time you in LA, could you call mr Evans, robert Evans, and Because he would like to talk to and I had no clue who he was Zero and ask my American friends that we're selling television to. You know, I was always good with humans. I knew everybody. So I they say, oh, this is evidence. I said that must be a joke. How does he know about me? You know, I'm not a famous anything and somehow he knew about me and I've never asked him. But when I went, like two months later, I came to America again and I called him and the butler picks up and says hello, and they said yeah, it's Michael McGrew, chair. I Don't want to intrude but I oh, michael McGrew's hold on a second, put me on hold. What I talked. And this Robert says hello, michael, you know his voice and and and he invited me for dinner and then it became a beautiful friendship. I Lived about six to nine months in his house Because I lived in southern, like an hour south of a new but beach. And he says come to, you know, because we had edited. We edited his stuff and I drove him over to to the valley and that was we. You know it, video just started. So all the editing base were busy and so we did our project. We did at 11, we started 11 at night. So we went to Winchell's donuts first, got a big old thing of thing and just worked it through and and and wonderful relationship, you know, was we we had. I really loved him, I really loved him and but the was it was weird because I Always wanted to be a big producer. That was my dream. And the dream was I like to be creative, obviously, and I would say if I was just a director it would be boring, it was just be an actor would be boring with it. With a producer, I can, you know, pick and choose and and and be involved and and and and understand the whole thing. And After that I didn't, after what Evans had to go through, robert, you know, even though he loved that job, it's more a financial Juggle. You know, you can't be real. You have to be always nice to people and he was a very real person. But in general, these, you know, you have to be and I learned this was one of another wake-up call I don't want to be a producer. Yeah, I, I didn't. I wouldn't mind to be a producer, but I was this not my dream. I want to be me right now.

Yeah, so you're actually having real life experiences. You said you were very human centered, not system centered, and you're Figuring out along the way how much human interactions really mean to you. Share with us how you know that this human centered life Really allows us to live a life of less stress, because I want to make sure that the parenting up family we're mostly family caregivers. Yeah, so most of my viewership, my listenership, we're global and they are caring for people, usually a family member, a spouse, a daughter of a, a sibling who has some form of dementia, and the stress is tremendous.

I was what do you?

do with it and how do you manage it. But I know that you have figured out some unique ways to handle it and manage it outside of the system driven World that we've been taught to Deliving and I was a care person for dementia Everything and Again.

You learn so much from doing, not just talking.

You know who did you care for a?

gentlemen, I ran his arts collection and also took care of the household and and you know he had a nurse or a just a nurse, but I was and I communicated with him, I was his kind of pal, you know also. Yes, and the what I found is it is the, what stresses us, is us ourselves. And I just wrote a paper on fulfillment. You know, I said you can't go from normal to love. You've got to experience fulfillment in between. That guides you to happiness. And then you feel love. You're not in love with somebody and and and what I've, what I found is, first of all, I Love Churchill's thing. Churchill's saying when he says when in hell, keep walking. And I say I Twisted that. I said when in hell, keep walking. And you know, sometimes humans can be held. You know the interaction. So when in hell keep walking in baby steps, don't? That doesn't mean you you have to do big giant war steps. You make baby steps. And also I find that our own perception. I did the Alzheimer's, you know, the alz education with the Alzheimer's Association and I found a lot which they do a great job, but they're systemic. They're not understanding that you as a human, misunderstand what caregiving is. Caregiving means you are you not, you are adapting to somebody else. Because when you adapt to somebody else, you allow that person and you actually take from that person their reality of what it is. You know so, so. So when I wish you find with with famous people too, when you all gay sayers around you, you don't have a gauge anymore what's normal and what isn't. And I found, for example, when people say, oh, you have Alzheimer's, they don't have Alzheimer's, they're older, F's experience so much life and they're not. And sometimes you know I'm not saying there is no Alzheimer's, I'm saying you've got to be aware of that. You know when. When you say, oh, never. When I talked about woman to this person that I was Taking care of, he was crystal clear, hundred percent lucid. When I talked to him about Politics or something else, it was like, oh, he doesn't care, I wouldn't. But this is system, saying politics are boring anyway, you know it's, it's there's nothing to gain. Or human centric leader thing, because it's a rehashing of system. Relevant stuff it's not. And when have you last heard a politician says human? They say the American people, for you know, because that that's their constituency. They never say we're gonna help humans here. I've never heard one, and I'm a political consultant too, so, and I was a politician too, so I know that. So nobody talks about About humans and the politician should talk about how can we Help every human that is in our constituency. You know, and so I find being you is All you can be, because that's what you're given by nature and that doesn't mean that you say, oh, everything is okay. Oh, my god, isn't. That is the most Disrespecting thing that you can do to your human. I don't care if you have dementia, lots I must. You treat him like a child. They act like a child. You treat him like you and I. Well, you speak up, you talk and it's good and it works. And I know I see instant getting better. The moment I put him down, or I'm putting him down because I'm babying him is the problem. I think so, and it's your own perception that you think. Now I have to do it systemically. What did, what did teach me? I'm not saying beat anybody up, or I'm just saying Engage, as this person is normal. The same I do with kids. You engage kids not as kids. The worst problem is when you engage another human being as what? Systemically their definition is old, young, whatever, handicapped. You don't engage another human other than horizontal. You don't engage oh, it's a woman, I have to do this. No, she's another human being and she's another race. But that doesn't mean that systemic categories. You treat another human being always horizontal and Equal. You never talk down or up. And this is what we that's I think we have lost in In taking care of people, because if I somebody treat, if I have dementia and somebody treats me, I want to just die you. This is what I would do, this is my perception. But if I would have the percentage and you treat me like a little child or you look the difference, then I believe really imagine what's going on in yourself. Then I believe I am really sick because I don't have a reflection of you treating me normal. Can you see what human centricity just to segregate human centricity from system relevant, how much more power and awareness you have as a human being, as a one of one?

Absolutely, absolutely. I have really really enjoyed hearing just this little snippet of your journey and your story, michael. I look forward to having you back and us being able to talk some more. What I want you to do, though, is let it. I want to know where we can purchase some of your books, if you can tell us if there's a website or where we can purchase them online. You said you are writing the white paper. Is it complete, can we? On the financial thing.

I have to give you the links for my fulfillment, which is done, yes and the human centricity. So you have two people say I want to know a little bit more. I have diagrams and stuff. The books are not about taking care of people. The books are about art and but the papers are really good that I have and I think every I might have thought about neurodiversity. I wrote stuff and you can. I have one hub it's Michael Mcom Michael, with two L's Mcom, michael, mcom, and you can get in contact with me there. You can listen to my music, you can listen to my 30 second podcast, you can listen to see my books, you can see my paintings, you can see my music. So everything is up there.

Thank you for sharing so many, shall I say, uncommon viewpoints but what I believe to be very tenterlating and very tasty tidbits, things that I know I can use just in life in general to help me, as I walk through my own journey, to understand that we really aren't all the same. We're not going to have the same perspective, we're not going to agree on everything. There's so many things occurring in the world right now Last year, things that haven't happened yet Next year and to expect that we will have agreement or have uniform understanding is a fraud, and a setup. And that in and of itself would cause a stress.

And there's one thing I want to tell you, because if I don't say that, I feel guilty in not saying OK, you know, people that need our help are watching TV. Yes, and I want the awareness that they can watch any TV they want, like comedy and all the films, but they should not watch news. The reason is news and politics is their own system, it's their own metaverse, where the players of media and politics are codependent on each other and they believe what they say. And this is so scary and this is so dangerous. When you are in your own world, you know and you believe that other humans pick it up as truth. And I have one thing to make you aware of this, because awareness trumps everything it's does your life, even if you have the horrible life, does it look like the news? Just ask yourself that, because we all think oh my God, this is happening and this is happening. But our life functions the world? If the world was like what we see on TV and politics, we wouldn't exist anymore. No human can get one stress off the other stress. So I always ask you said do you, is your life like what you see on TV? And it isn't. I have never met one person that says, yeah, I'm exactly like that. Yeah, there's one thing that you identify with, but it's not one crisis of the other, one violation of the other one system centric abuse. And that's why I say don't watch the news, because the news, as well as the players, the political players, are co-dependent and they are, so, you know, feeding each other that they really believe. The world is like that. And I always say the people, if you want to do for the common good, the people that decide for our common good are the least common people of all. So how can you decide for common good when you don't know what it is to be down there? And I needed to say that just because I want to give us much help to your awareness so you can expand your perspective from life.

I got you. I appreciate it so very much. I thank you so very much. I wish you the best in Cali.

Thank you.

Thank you for rocking with us. You take care and you're welcome back any time.

Whenever you want me, I'm back. And if people, people, give you a lot of questions, I'm, I'm. Certainly we might get clear. We will make them aware of what what it is, and then everybody has to do their own thing. I'm not having a three steps. You know I don't have three steps. I don't believe in that. I don't believe in coaching. I believe in advising people to expand their perspective. Yes, not to teach them anything. There's nothing to teach. You know everything.

Take care. It was a pleasure. Let's not go. Number one don't give up on you. Ok, caregivers, ever be you. You are unique. You have to be. You were born. If you got this special DNA, this special fingerprint, you'll. Everything has to be unique. Maybe you're neurodiverse, maybe it's the reason why you have dyslexia or this anything A young. Maybe they haven't even described or determined or even figured out what it is that you are. Just because science hasn't identified it or you haven't been diagnosed doesn't mean that what makes you tick or how you stand out in the crowd isn't worthy of you continuing to be that thing. Ok, we need you to stand up and be who you are and be like that for this world to exist and to continue to spend and be better. Now, I'm not trying to condone you. Go out here killing people. I ain't talking about that. I'm speaking on in love and positivity. Be a best version of yourself, but do that for us, ok. Ok, we heard what Michael went through and how he had to bang his head up against the system in order to find a way to be himself. You do it too. Number two notice if what you're doing keeps leading you to the same results as a caregiver. If you keep giving your LO the same green beans and they keep having diarrhea, don't blame it on the medicine, blame it on the green bean. If you keep doing the same thing at work or with your co-workers or with the person that you're dating and it keeps getting you in an argument or you never get the promotion, blame it on the process. Ok, if you keep hitting that wall, maybe you should change what you're doing. The system isn't working. It's OK to decide. Oh, you know what? Let me stop trying to fight this system. Let me focus on the human beings involved. That is the beautiful lesson that I believe Michael was giving us. Focus on the humans involved, focus on yourself. Don't become self-absorbed. Don't say, jace Mouse, say that, say that. But if you're focusing on the human part of being alive, you pick up on things. Ok, the love language, linguists, which was a few episodes ago, hope you heard that you become better at being an emotional understander of what is happening in your life and how to respond. You'll be happier, you'll have less stress. It helps you think clearer about what to do next. And that nimbleness and caregiving Baby, let me tell you how much easier it is when you are dealing with your LO's and you can think clearer. Ok, amen and amen. Number three Incorporate art into something that you do in your life. Michael shared with us how it was such a turning point for him. It changed the game. Now, if it changed the game and making his life go damn near from zero to a hundred and, being able to care for himself, become financially stable and independent, it ought to at least shake off the cobwebs of, shall we say, frustration for you as a caregiver. Ok, maybe you're not about to be Picasso. A basketball, all right, cool, but you could take an online class in speechy. Speechy, that's hilarious. We're going to keep that right in here. You take an online class in giving speeches. Maybe you can take an online class in speechy. You can take an online class in knitting. Ok, there is some kind of app to learn how to do any damn thing you want. You could play the piccolo. Maybe you're doing the choir at church. If you don't like church, go outside and hum with the birds. The point is art. I'm putting the S on it because arts is really wild nowadays. You could learn how to do something digital. You could start a podcast. Somebody wants to hear what you have to say Let your brain expand past the responsibilities that feel like burdens, please. You owe it to yourself. You're a caregiver. Remember this shit is hard. Give yourself a break. What's up? Family. Share this episode right here with a caregiver you love. Review on Apple Podcast. Follow us on social media and please subscribe to our YouTube channel.