Transcript
WEBVTT
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Happy Women's History Month.
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We are celebrating equality, inclusion, diversity, everything fantastic and fabulous about being the majority of humans on this planet.
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What's up Parenting, up family?
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It's your girl, jay Smiles.
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We about to get into it.
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Right now, I'm here at the sister shop.
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We about to get into it.
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Right now, I'm here at the sister shop.
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But then, when you dug a, little deeper, you learned that, yeah, we're the largest and fastest growing, but we are also the least funded, the least earning, the least supported, I'm like.
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So, yeah, y'all are praising the fact that we're starting all these businesses, but what are we doing to help these businesses grow?
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What are we doing to help these businesses scale?
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And so that's why the focus has been on my position.
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We're about to have a phenomenal conversation on entrepreneurship, commerce and caregiving.
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Parenting Up Caregiving Adventures with Comedian J Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.
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For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat.
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Spoiler alert this shit is heavy.
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That's why I started doing comedy.
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So be ready for the jokes.
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Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver you are in the right place.
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Hi, this is Zeddy.
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I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast.
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Is that okay?
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Today's supporter shout out is from YouTube at my Lynn Smith one, six, eight, three.
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Being a caregiver often requires putting the needs of others above your own.
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You are demonstrating your love through your sacrifice.
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Exclamation point heart emoji.
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Thank you so much.
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Now, if you want to receive a supporter shout out, you know what to do.
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Leave a review on where.
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Yep, we really want you to do.
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Apple podcast, that's right.
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If not YouTube, ig, that'll work too.
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Thank you so much.
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Ig that'll work too.
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Thank you so much.
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Caregiving and commerce the delicate balance.
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What's up?
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Family?
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You know I get excited when we are on site just like that.
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And boom today.
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And boom today.
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I have a sore roar of mine.
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So, yes, y'all gonna hate, because we might, oop, we might throw up the mid, we might set out a step, and y'all got to keep watching because you ain't got no choice.
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It's Women's History Month and my actual initiation date happens to be on International Women's Day, march 8th.
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Listen, there's a whole lot of love going on and we are in the sister shop.
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If you don't know about it, you're going to learn today.
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What's up, aisha?
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Hey, so-and-so, that thing sounds so good.
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It's like the first day I was able to say it baby.
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Now let me tell y'all why we chose this phenomenal soror of mine for this episode.
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Yeah, she's a Delta Girl girl, so that makes it all extra juicy and fabulous for me.
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She's an entrepreneur, but this is the Parenting Up podcast, Y'all.
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Her mama has Alzheimer's.
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Did y'all know that?
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How many of y'all knew that you?
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may or may not have known that she is so busy in these entrepreneur streets selling stuff and helping y'all sell stuff.
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You may not not have known.
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Not only is she a mother, she is a caregiver, she is smack dab in that sandwich generation.
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She has a little one and she has a mom who has all sides.
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So we're about to dig into all of that, pull it apart and figure out how my sorrel holds it all together with them.
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Five glasses Y'all ready, nice.
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I knew you was coming, so I had to find something in the crate.
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That's what we do.
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That's what we do.
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Okay, we're going to get all into the sister shop.
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Currently we are sitting in her brick and mortar, but we are going all online, right?
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Yes, we're getting rid of this just so that she can give you all more options and get it to you to service it faster.
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So don't worry about figuring out what the address is.
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We're gonna go to the dot com.
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That's how you're gonna get to her.
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That's right.
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But now we're gonna ease it to your mom.
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Yeah, okay, parenting our podcast is around.
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How do we fortify ourselves as caregivers to be there for our loved ones?
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How long has your mom had alzheimer's?
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so, you know, um, the progression, right right, doesn't start as Alzheimer's.
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So we actually began to see, you know, the early signs of dementia over 10 years ago, maybe a little longer than that, maybe 12 years ago, if not more.
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Unfortunately, the disease has been prevalent in my family, so my mom was not the first.
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You know, I certainly pay honor to and respect the memory of my aunt, my mom's sister and one of her best friends, who also, uh, had Alzheimer's and passed away in 2016.
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Um, my uncle, um, and also, many years ago, uh, suffered with Alzheimer's and passed away.
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Uh, so, um, our family wasn't unfamiliar with the disease.
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Unfortunately, um, unfortunately, um, but, yeah, my mom, um, has been dealing with it well over 10 to 12 years, if not more y'all heard, aunt, that's that Brooklyn coming out?
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okay, so I just want yeah, period, we in the ATM right now, but you know what I mean, and that's good, because my dad is from Queens, what is it?
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No, my okay.
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They say and uh, but my grandmother is from New Orleans.
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Okay, she made me say aunt.
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Okay, she was like, what you're not gonna do is sound like these other people.
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Yeah, okay, you're gonna pronounce all of the syllables Right right Now.
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You said that 10 years ago you all saw some signs.
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Let us know what that means, because a lot of times, people who are tuning into our podcast they're newbies and maybe no one in their family has ever had Alzheimer's and they don't know what the signs look like.
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How can?
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you tell the difference between hey, my mama is just, she had a bad night's sleep and just don't know what the signs look like?
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How can you tell the difference between a my mama is just she had a bad night's sleep and just can't find her purse versus this looks like what auntie had or what uncle had.
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Yeah, Um, you know, uh, repeating things.
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Um, you know, beginning to have more repetition of, you know, phrases, statements, questions.
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Uh, with repetition of, you know, phrases, statements, questions.
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With our mom it was more of the short-term memory that went immediately.
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She can remember things from 20 years ago.
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She couldn't remember you know what happened an hour ago.
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So we began to see a lot of that.
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And then, you know, as it progresses, you get more into the frustration.
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You know, not really remembering how to do certain tasks.
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You know the mood changes.
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You know, thankfully, my sister and it's just the two of us is a mental therapist, licensed professional counselor, I should say, by trade and profession.
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So she is very knowledgeable, you know, of the clinical side of these types of diseases and we share in the caregiving task and I don't know what I would do without her.
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So, ayana, I love you um but yes, so, and aisha, okay, that part that sounds like yes a song.
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Well, you know um, so you know our parents.
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My sister was born in the 70s, I was born in the 80s so you know I'm named after um.
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The stevie wonder song um aisha.
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Isn't she lovely.
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That's about his daughter named aisha um, and I don't know where they got aiana from, but it means love or something like that but yes, we are.
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Aiana mom was struggling with tasks.
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What are a few examples of the tasks?
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Were they like household tasks?
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Was she still working?
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Was she driving?
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Was she?
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In new york was she in atlanta, so she was in new york.
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My mom was born in the South South Carolina but had been living in New York since she was 18 years old.
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You know, back in the day everybody.
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They graduated high school and they were out of there.
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So she followed her older sisters and brothers and came to New York and started working.
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So she's has that good Southern roots, but very much a city girl, and so this day is still very much a city girl.
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We did eventually move her here to Georgia, but she it was.
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It was not without kicking and screaming.
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Ok, and so she, you know, she was not working because she had been with her company for over 39 years 39 and a half years to be exact and they, they laid off everyone, they eliminated the department and they were moving everyone to another state.
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My mom was like I'm not going.
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They eliminated the department and they were moving everyone to another state.
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My mom was like I'm not going.
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So she actually had, just, you know, left that role, retired early from her job.
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She worked for MetLife Insurance Company processing death benefits for federal employees, ok, and then she did some low part time work here and there of time work here and there.
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And then that's when we began to see some of the challenges with the memory and the tasks and just remembering, you know how to do certain things around the house.
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You know, like where she put certain things.
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It was a lot of misplacing things, a lot of.
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I can't find this was after she retired.
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Yes, it became more obvious to you.
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Yes, yes, absolutely, there were were.
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No, she was perfectly fine while she was still working you know what?
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I have seen that be the case so often?
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Well, I shouldn't say I've seen, I have heard, yes, the feedback when the routine changes.
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Yeah, it seems to become more prevalent yes to family members or medical professors, which, in your case, with you and your sister, that's both family members and medical professors to say, hey, maybe like the routine for our LOs who may have some form of dementia is like duct tape together, and when you start to change, however they were going to work, or maybe the church or whoever uh, if their neighbors move or whatever they used to do on a daily basis those things, rather than saying, oh man, look at this new way I get to live, it's more like oh hell, what do I do now?
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yeah that's crazy and the routine, definitely, even now, at this stage of her disease, which is advanced, routine still matters, right, like it's very important to keep a routine to help them, uh, to just be in the best space possible in terms of mood, in terms of, um, you know, just cognitive, you know function, uh.
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So, as much as possible, we try to keep a routine with her.
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We learned, you know, a lot of trial and error and we've learned that keeping a routine works best.
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Yeah.
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So who told her hey, mama, you got it.
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So you know it's so funny to see how the disease manifests itself differently in different people Right, differently in different people Right.
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So with my aunt, she never really embraced or accepted the fact that she had the disease, was very defensive and, you know, did not ever really accept it.
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My mom, when she began to notice it I guess because we had just gone through with her sister she was much more verbal about it and aware of it.
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So she would tell us Really.
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Absolutely, you know she would say Marie, let me tell you something.
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Shout out, marie.
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Okay, I'm hoping that the universe is sending love offerings from Jasoniles to Mama Marie.
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I have not heard of an example.
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Listen, you need to take this show on the road to Marie, okay, because she a riot, okay, well listen, we going to come to Marie, we going to schedule with you, honey, let me tell you now, listen, we do travel, don't we team?
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Listen me and my team will travel.
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She's amazing.
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Can we borrow your light?
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Yeah Okay, Bring it on.
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Bring it on Because no, seriously, that is uncommon.
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Yeah Okay For a person in the early stages to actually say to their children hey, something is happening.
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Yeah, it's not quite right.
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I think I might be struggling with dementia and I mean she didn't necessarily call it that right, but she was definitely saying you know, I'm getting loose to forget things.
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Um one of her phrases she would say uh is my mind is going from me, you know things like that so, um, yeah, so she definitely definitely knew that it was happening and it made her very sad, of course, but she definitely made me sad the way you said it, yeah, but that's sweet, she's a sweet lady, and yeah.
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So so that you know, I thank God for that actually, though, because I think it helped.
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I know it helped, you know us to begin her caregiving because there wasn't any resistance, right?
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Whereas with our aunt, on the other hand, there was resistance and it was just the way that she dealt with it, you know, of no fault of her own.
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Everybody deals with it in different ways.
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Absolutely, absolutely so.
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With mom or your aunt or your uncle, with mom or your aunt or your uncle, are there stories or remembrances that you have that lean into a more humorous or lighthearted side?
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Here at the parenting up podcast, uh, jay smiles comedy we really hope to help.
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Especially newbie say listen, listen, yes, this shit is hard but there are bright spots where you can say you know what?
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That?
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That was kind of funny and that.
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And thank you to the universe for that moment where I could laugh, I could hug my elo and get through to the next moment.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And that's why I said my mom is a riot, because even to this day, I mean, I could hug my LO and get through to the next one.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And that's why I said my mom is a riot, because even to this day, I mean, she's hilarious.
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You never know what's going to come out of her mouth at any moment.
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And I tell my sister all the time like we have to thank God for these moments right, because there are so many hard moments.
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So when you do get a good moment, when you do get a funny moment, you have to thank God for it, and so there are many.
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I mean the beautiful thing about our family we're very close, knit back in Brooklyn.
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We all grew up in the same house, right?
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So my uncle had a three family home not the one that had Alzheimer's, but another uncle and so my my mom and dad and my sister and I were on the top floor, my aunt, who had Alzheimer's, on the second floor, the uncle who owned the home, was at the third floor, but then everybody came over at all different times, right?
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Um?
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And so we were very close.
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So we've got a lifetime from our childhood until we left that home just a few years ago.
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Um, you know of memories of good times, um, and a lot of that character, a lot of that fun and liveliness is still in my mom.
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You know, if you put some music on, she gonna cut a rug and not think twice about it.
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She loves loves to dance, she loves music, she loves men.
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Her and my dad were married for 46 years or something like that, and so my dad passed away a couple of years ago, in 2023.
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And then that's when our caregiving really kicked it up a notch, because we had to, you know, take over 100%.
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You know we were always there helping, but really take over 100%.
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And so she still talks about him and you know things we don't want to hear you know and how we got here, and all of that.
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And so, child, yeah, she a trip, she is a trip I'm telling you Please bring this show to a retailer, okay.
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Oh baby, I'm going to find it, I'm going to find it, I'm going to find it.
00:16:42.802 --> 00:16:44.123
Don't you worry about that.
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You're going to say stop texting me J.
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Smiles.
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I said we're going to set this up later.
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Hey, what's up?
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Parented Up family.
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Guess what.
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Have you ever wanted to connect with other caregivers?
00:16:55.932 --> 00:16:59.115
You want to see more behind-the-scenes footage?
00:16:59.115 --> 00:17:01.517
Want to know what me and Zeddy are doing?
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I know you do All things.
00:17:04.683 --> 00:17:10.728
Jsmiles are finally ready for you, Even when I go live.
00:17:10.728 --> 00:17:15.490
Do it now with us on Patreon.
00:17:15.490 --> 00:17:19.609
Join us in the Patreon community.
00:17:19.609 --> 00:17:21.897
Catch everything we're doing.
00:17:21.897 --> 00:17:25.249
Visit Patreoncom forward.
00:17:25.249 --> 00:17:29.570
Slash JSmilesStudios with an S.
00:17:29.570 --> 00:17:33.006
What are?
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The best way for me to put this is for you and your sister.
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It's not all.
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It sounds like you all have divided the roles fairly well, or you manage caring for your mom well as a team.
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You don't always hear that how y'all do that.
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So it has a lot to do with the way we were raised Okay, shout out to mama again and grandma.
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And we were just raised right like our family, and it runs through our family.
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So, while my sister and I, um, you know, are primarily responsible, really our whole family whenever asked or needed, or sometimes without being asked or needed, we'll, we'll pitch in and help.
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Uh, so we are very grateful and thankful.
00:18:25.252 --> 00:18:32.489
We were taught by our grandmothers you always stick together, you let nothing come between you, and that has stayed true to our family.
00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:34.428
This business is here because of my family.
00:18:34.428 --> 00:18:37.830
I would not be able to do any of this work without my family.
00:18:37.830 --> 00:18:42.109
So I know a lot of people have that testimony that you know they can't work with family.
00:18:42.109 --> 00:18:43.173
That is not my testimony.
00:18:43.173 --> 00:18:47.684
I know that's that you know they can't work with family.
00:18:47.684 --> 00:18:48.686
That is not my testimony and I'm thankful.
00:18:48.686 --> 00:18:49.167
I thank God for that.
00:18:49.167 --> 00:18:49.890
So, yeah, so it was just it was.
00:18:49.890 --> 00:18:50.269
It was no question.
00:18:50.269 --> 00:19:05.913
You know, like when, when my parents were living in New York and I was in New York and then in New Jersey, you know I was closer, so I did most of the you know daily things that they needed or whatever, but anything I couldn't do, especially so we kind of all the medical stuff I get to my sister right.
00:19:05.952 --> 00:19:18.782
So the appointments, the insurance questions, cause that's her area of expertise, you know any other regular tasks grocery shopping, whatever you know I would do, getting mommy's hair done, whatever Um, we just just did it, you know, didn't even think twice about it.
00:19:18.782 --> 00:19:25.461
Um, cause we all we got right and um, there's no reason why one of us should have to bear the burden alone, you know.
00:19:25.461 --> 00:19:38.355
And then when my parents, when we moved my parents down here at the time I was still living in New Jersey, so then they came more on my sister Right, and that ultimately really was the reason why I moved to Georgia so that I could help with my parents, because they were getting older.
00:19:38.500 --> 00:19:48.286
My mom's condition was worsening, my dad began to have some health challenges and I saw it was just becoming a lot on my sister, so that was really why my family and I ended up moving here.
00:19:48.306 --> 00:19:51.853
yeah, and have you regretted any of?