“I tripped over Zetty”
I’m J Smiles, comedian, Alzheimer’s and Dementia activist, and family caregiver. You may know me from Parenting Up™, where we’re a family of caregivers taking care of our family members together. Welcome to P.U.B. the Parenting Up Blog.
First, let me get this out the way: yes, I tripped over my mama. I didn't mean to obviously, and she was not harmed. But yes, it happened. And to be honest, I don't think I'm the only one this has happened to. This mishap motivates me to touch on two points in this post. One, one may ask, "how did you fall over Zetty?" Well, there was another caregiver on duty. Since I was "off duty", I was in my closet listening to music with my head phones on. Out of nowhere, I was startled by mother, and this made her startled by my startle! It was an interesting moment to say the least. To me, this moment made me realize something that will forever change the way I interact with my LO. There are different levels to relationships in every aspect of life. A caregiver/LO relationship is no different. Although there may be various people caring for someone, the LO will have a different level of comfortability and mood around different people. It has been in my experience, that the longest and deepest relationship that the LO has with someone, the more intense they are pulled to that person.
Just think about that for a moment. To be living with dementia or Alzheimer's typically means to be forgetting memories that you've created. To forget people you've loved. But even in the midst of that, your LO has such intense sense and feeling to you that they can feel who you are to them. For them to stand up, be aware that you're not there, and to seek you out. Even if they are afraid to take the steps, they put one feet in front of the other in hopes to become into your embrace, your presence. There is something profound in that alone. Point two, as a caregiver, we must always be aware. Yes, another caregiver was on duty, and I was technically off. But still someway, my mother ended up in my closet under me. I was having a moment to myself, and that's okay to want, shoot, caregivers need it! But, when you are the person that your LO has the deepest attraction to, meaning their energy is drawn to you, you must always have one bud in your ear, relaxing to your tune. And one ear without a bud, just in case it is your light that your LO seeks. According to https://www.careworkshealthservices.com/ , this is also known as Shadowing.
Meaning of Shadowing:
- a period of tremendous anxiety.
- they do it to have a sense of purpose
- they believe they're coming along with you to help you.
According to https://www.agingcare.com/ , the best thing to do when your LO is shadowing you is to acknowledge their feelings. Don't be rude, dismissive, or combative. Always have an open mind and an open heart, but most of all, understanding.
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🎧Full audio podcast episode for this blog post: I'm on the edge of quitting Caregiving!
