Becoming A Love Language Linguist as a Caregiver

How many times have you thought about learning a new language? Maybe you want to learn French, maybe you want to learn English, maybe you want to learn Spanish. A few people might run out there and say, okay, I'm a girl, learn Mandarin. Okay, I actually got some friends who speak Mandarin as a second language and they're great at it. What about learning the five love languages and becoming so fluid in it that that you can say I know English and I know the five love languages, so now I know six Languages. Right, become a love language Linguist and become such an expert at it that your IQ is Secondary to your EQ and you can really engage other humans on a non-verbal level. Stick with me now. This is so dope that, as a caregiver, when you're dealing with your LO, you don't even need words Because they can feel you. You know what I mean. Yeah, we all heard about the book the five love languages, but do we keep up with what your love language is and other people's love language? All right, well, today's guest, he turned that book inside out, came up with a whole new way to attack that thing, and he even made it again. Parenting up caregiving adventures with comedian day smiles is the intense journey of Unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. It's a baller. I started comedy Caregiver newbies, og's and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver. You are in the right place. Hi, this is Betty. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Okay, becoming a love Language linguist as a caregiver. A conversation with Paul. Our parenting up community is growing so fast I can't put out a pep or so as fast as we're growing. So text podcast or 404 737 1449 for updates, exclusives and suggestions on topics. While you added, share an episode with the caregiver Review on Apple podcast and follow us on social media. Subscribe to our YouTube page. It really helps. Today's sponsor is the outside been open tour DC, chicago, new York, houston, atlanta. You better get your tickets. Parenting up family you know we keep it interesting here. We're all about how do we not Jump off of a cliff, how caring for our L? O's, what are the ways that we can keep ourselves Energized and motivated and fortified? Well, I found somebody. I found somebody today that is going to really Shake up the norm. Yep, a love language Linguist. Now, this is not about trying to figure out how you and your LO Can run off and get married now. That's up to you. I'm not getting in that, though, but listen, don't start. No oldie fans page talking about J Smiles told you that you was supposed to go fall in love with your mama. That is something for Bravo channel, okay, but I'm here with Paul, and he is about to turn this whole topic inside out. Hey, paul.

Hi Jay, how are you today?

I am fantastic. Listen. Many of us have heard about the five love languages book. But you heard about that thing, you internalized it, you dogged the pages, read it a bunch of times and you came up with a whole new way to look at it. Well, you know what? Let me back up a little bit. Tell us first About the book. For people who may not Know about it, I guess I don't want to be assuming that.

So Dr Gary Chapman was a reverend. He actually wrote the book the five love languages in the early 90s and published it in 1992, so it's it's been a while since that has happened, but he sold the worldwide more than 17 million copies of that book, and what the theory of the book is is that everyone has their own particular primary or secondary love language, that that, when they receive that, they feel loved, they feel loved. What I what I'm proposing, though, is that that, if we learn all the five love languages, actually internalize all of them, our love language, our primary love language, might change, because I think that what has happened, jay, is that Generally, generationally, we love the way our parents loved, and maybe we love the way our grandparents love, because it was passed on From generation to generation. For me, that wasn't the case. I was abused, probably like my father was abused, like his father may have been abused, and it was more abuse that was passed down Rather than love. I do remember some loving events in my childhood. I remember playing games, and so, as I read through the the five love languages, I didn't get it just because of where I came from. I really didn't get it. I was thinking to my head, dr Chapman. You mean, if I, if I Guess what Jay's love languages and I catered to that, we're gonna be buddies. I'm a bad guess, or, dr Chapman? It's not gonna work. So it didn't really work for me, just because I'm a bad guess, sir. Well, the second thing dr Chapman has in his book is that, well, if I take this survey, I can find out what my love language is, what I like to get, what I like to receive. What do I do with that? Dr Chapman advertise Hello Jay, I'm gifts. What do you have for me today? That is so awkward and ridiculous that nobody's gonna respond to that. That didn't work for me either. So I thought, well, what if I could make this a game? So I contacted dr Chapman and Sent him an email. He sent an email back. I asked him if, if, he was licensing those little icons, those little pictures that they had for the different love languages. His attorney wrote back and said no, we're not doing that. I was frankly relieved because they were old, I mean dated back way back to 1992. Kind of ugly did not like them. Anyway, I was gonna make my own. I went to a copyright attorney, an intellectual property attorney, here in my, in my neighborhood, and Found out that theory is not copyrightable. So the love language theory is not copyrightable, but application is. And With that I thought, well, I can make my own icons and I can make it a game, because they're not, they don't have that application. So that's what I did. So I made it a game and I'm put it, put the icons on a die. Right now I'm holding the die and it's got a hand holding the hourglass. So that signifies the love language of time. I've got a gentleman holding a platter. That signifies service. Two hands together form in a heart and there's a conversation flyout like you'd see in a cartoon, but it looks like the heart is talking. Those are the words. Got two hands touching one another. That's touch. And then the last love language is a handhold in the gift. Those are the gifts. Five love languages, six size on the cube. The last side is surprise me, it's a handhold in the question mark. There's Jay. There's just two instructions. You roll the die every day. That's the love language you send out or give away all day. That day, all day. So it's not just to your LO, it's to everyone that you come in contact with If you're with that LO all day long, then it's just your LO, but what you're doing is you're sending out the words, or you're sending out service, or you're sending out time. You're sending all these out all day long. It's not like I did the dishes, who I'm done, and it's not an event anymore. But with this type of attitude of doing it to everyone not just your LO's, but to everyone with this you actually develop the characteristic of sending love out all the time. What you're watching for is when they light up. When they light up, you've hit their primary or their secondary love language, as Dr Chapman had indicated, you've hit it. You just take a mental note. That's what they like, and then you just wash, rinse, repeat, do that over and over again. And I think, as far as a caregiver goes, that as we're watching for people to light up, we're trying to make their day a better day. They're already having a bad day. They already started the day with a bad day. Most likely we're trying to make their day a better day. And if we can keep that thought in our mind, that we're trying to make their day better regardless, forget about you. It's not about you anymore, it's about them. If you can do that, then your day is gonna be really happy because you're gonna hit on it. You're gonna hit on what's gonna help them be happier and by doing that, I think that the care that you give to them is gonna be rewarded. It's almost like payment On that day when you've made them have a happy day. It's really kind of payment for the services that you're offering.

Whoa, you have blown me away. Look, parenting up family. I do discovery calls with anyone that may be a guest. Paul knows this, so we chatted about this. I had some idea of what he was gonna say. That's how protective I am of the community. I need to make sure that what's coming will have a value and benefit for family, caregivers of adults with some diminishing capacity. Who knew that you could do all of this? Part of what I love about what Paul has done is just the way Paul attacked an existing world-renowned bestselling, the Guxillion Times Overbook, and he shout out to Missy Elliott. He flipped it and reversed it and repeated it. He talked to a intellectual property attorney to make sure he was covered in what he was doing, so there would be nothing illegal about it, and that in and of itself, is such the spirit of what caregivers do. There's something happening and we're trying to improve it and make it better, so we're constantly pivoting, and so you got into this book. You saw or you felt that there's something there, but it's just not quite working for me. Everyone else is exclaiming all the world over that this book is great, but it wasn't quite great for you, or at least it wasn't sinking in and you made it work for you and the spirit of that is something that I'm hoping that is also embedded for the parenting up family that when something is not quite working for you, that you figure out a way to make it work. That to me, is also a major silver lining in your journey of creating your game out of this book that had already been somewhat knighted as, hey, this is a great way to increase your interpersonal intro personal, whatever your EQ, your emotional quotient and all of these things. So, for people who may not have been aware, the five love languages are touch and acts of service. If I miss something, paul, just help me at the end. Touch, acts of service, time and what's that? Gifts and what's that Words? Yes, thank you. Those are the five and that is supposed to be kind of. We're not here to argue whether or not there are more than five. Okay, we're just, we're going to right now, we're just going ahead and we're acknowledging that those have. We're saying that humans in large can say those five we. It resonates with us and what I do know is this, as a comedian and just as a human, some of us how many of us know that person that is always like 30 minutes late to everything. They missed their plane, they're late for church, they're late for the doctor's appointment and people are offended. But the flip side is it of it is when you're 30 minutes late for them they don't care Because actually time doesn't matter to them. And that is somewhat the purpose of this, too, in the book and in Paul's game, is you're acknowledging and you're becoming aware of what matters to other people. Some people need 12 hours of sleep, other people need for. Some people prefer to have lots of money, other people prefer to have lots of food. I mean, I'm using these, these simple examples, just to share how really understanding what drives you and what drives other people can make your life a lot easier. Also embedded within it, paul, is the recognition that, wow, just like we each have a very different fingerprint, what makes Jay Smiles tick is not what makes Paul tick. So if I keep giving Paul gifts to say I'm sorry or to say hey, I like you a lot or I think you're a great guy, and Paul is not lighting up or calling me back or wanting to go on vacation with me, and I'm wondering, like this guy, he has up a big, big wall maybe, maybe gives just that's just not his thing, right? And one thing I also want to dig back into is what do you think it is that even made you want to dig more into this book you talked about there was abuse that had been passed down in your family, and I think that is that was a major awareness on your part, just to recognize what had been passed out. How many of us don't even recognize what had been passed out, whatever it is, whether it was hugs or the apple pie recipe, or being really fast on a football field or a ass whipping, whatever. Just recognizing, hey, this is the thing we do. So what made you? I'm sure you've read more than one book and you didn't make a game out of any of the other ones.

I did not. Yeah, exactly. So that's a very good question, jay, and I appreciate that. Some of the things that you said really kind of made me smile, and it just follows who you are. You're just the person that makes people smile. And one thing when you start talking about people that were late late for this and late for that, and chronically late the biggest pronouncement of that was my father-in-law. He was absolutely late for his funeral. Now, how does that happen? How do you get late for your own funeral? And what happened is that the mortician that was driving around got lost, just got lost and just could not even make. The body wasn't there, so we had to start the funeral basically without him, and it was just hilarious.

So, yeah, Just wait one second, I just I have to have a real belly chuckle. I've never I've heard comedians make a joke or family members say that person, you know that guy, that chick, you so late, dude, I bet you will be late to your own funeral, but all bump and people laugh. But they're telling that to a person that's alive and you're telling me.

It actually happened. Yeah, absolutely yeah, it was. It was hilarious because he was that kind of guy. He was just. He was a comedian and he was late and it was just. He was on his own time schedule and you know from I think that you can direct things from the other side of the veil. You can direct it a whole lot better than you could on this side of the veil. You have more power, more control, and he was just. He was relishing in that. I'm sure just been dead a couple days and he was. He was on it and made the driver lose his way or something, just on purpose. But he was like 3045 minutes late. It was. It was quite some time we were waiting there, wonder if he's going to show up.

I got to decide what I want to do when I die. That's like quintessential J Smiles, thanks, thanks. I'm making note of that. Okay, continue.

Well, so what it is that that helped me? What, what I? There was an event in my life that I was. You know, I had anger, had a lot of residual anger left over from this childhood of abuse that I that I went through. And what I recognized, jay, is that I had a brother that had it, and I had a father that had it, and then I had it myself. And what we do is we'd be annoyed, we'd be annoyed, we'd be annoyed, we'd be annoyed, and then we'd flash. You never know. When I got to the top of the pile to be able to flash, didn't know when that was going to happen. It could happen in public, it could happen at home, it could happen anywhere, and it would just be one of those flashes. And it's really kind of a knee jerk reaction, not something that we really had a lot of control over until we realized what was happening. And so I realized that I was beginning to be annoyed. I'm never annoyed with myself. I don't think anybody's annoyed with themselves. Most of the time they're not so I was always other people when I realized that I was being annoyed of what other people were doing. Why did you do that? What's wrong with that and it just had that critical path that I was going down. I realized that I don't have any control over their choices. It's out of my lane and I decided I got to stay in my lane and so what I can do is send love out and I can react when it comes back my way. I don't have any right to judge that person. If anybody's going to be the judge, it's going to be Jesus. It's going to be their judge. I'm not their judge. So for me to be critical or annoyed about another person really was something that I had to stop that behavior. And I kept reminding myself I don't want to be angry and it's kind of a double negative, jay. And when I realized that double negatives only happen in math, when you're multiplying two negative numbers, that makes it positive. It doesn't happen in relationships, absolutely doesn't happen in relationships. When I realized that I stopped being annoyed at what they're doing and started looking at what's right about that person, what can I love about that person? I was so busy doing that I completely forgot to be annoyed, forgot to be looking at what other people are doing and being bothered by what other people are doing. Was it happening anymore? So it was whole paradigm shift, 180 degrees, from looking at what's wrong with people to actually now looking at what's right with them, what can I love about them, and focusing on that. And I think that, as it applies to caregiving, that we can't really control and maybe they can't either what they're choosing to do. But we can control what we choose to do and we were choosing, hopefully, to send out love. The very fact that we are there, caring for our loved ones, is an act of love. We're there, we're spending the time, we're taking the time, we're expending time. Time is one of those love languages. And I want to get back to one other thing that you said, that about other love languages. You said that there are other love languages other than the five, and there really are. But I want to explain it this way I realize that, as I'm stacking these annoyances, annoyances, annoyances and getting to the flash, that there is kind of a parallel on the other side with love, that as you stack acts of kindness, acts of kindness, acts of kindness, acts of kindness on top of one another and these five love languages that's what I'm talking about If you'll stack those, then you get to that higher level. It's like a stair step. You get to that higher level of compassion, of that sympathy, of that empathy, of that forgiveness. Those are higher laws, even intimacy. It takes a while to get to that point that you just feel that you totally want to give yourself to that person. It'll take those kind acts to lead up to that, and so those higher laws will come and that you could call them the laws of love, or you could call them the languages of love. But I believe that it's the basic language that gets us there. That stacking will get us to that higher law. I'm here for it.

I'm here to walk those steps and to keep building and building upon it. Ooh, this is refreshing, and you made a game of it. First of all, who doesn't like rolling the dice? It doesn't even matter what's on it, whether we were playing jacks or OK. I will admit that I like playing, perhaps in a proper casino. I learned it from my uncle Well, he's now my uncle, but he's my mom's baby sister. They were dating in college and he taught me how to play up against my grandmother's backdoor in her house. That's how he taught me to play. I don't think I was, I don't know if I was 10 years old, but I like the idea that I could take some dye and, based on the number that came up, I could make some money like this. I was like well, why is it everybody? Why are we going to school? We should just be doing this everywhere, two or three hours a day, you know, and then go outside and play and come back and do this. It's just like you know. I'm going to play some more. This seems great, so, but to make a game of adding a little bit of fun to it is. To me it's just like a winner, winner chicken dinner.

Absolutely, it's. Everybody wins, and it's and that's the spoiler alert that this is a game that everybody wins, that you're going to win by giving it away, they're going to win by receiving it, and then you're going to win by watching it when it comes your way, when all the way around as a full time caregiver, one thing that has never changed I feel good loving on my mother.

I feel good loving on anyone in need. I have started to acknowledge to my, to even to others, that I'm a caregiver and apparently, paul, I've been a caregiver all my life and I just didn't know it. I didn't call myself that of sorts until my mother's diagnosis, but kind, definitely all of my adult life I've been the person where, when family or friends or people close to me because it takes a lot of energy to be a caregiver, but when they hit a period, period of calamity, I was the one that they called and I showed up. I shut my whole life down, used up all of my time off work and I mean for people I didn't have to be dating them, and guys of friends that they might not have been in my family but just really close. I just showed up and they were like what I remember one girlfriend, her mom died. I hadn't talked to her in two years. I got a call from someone to say so and so is mama died. I was in an airport on my way home. I got a call. They said her mom died and I and I rerouted. I was at a layover, I rerouted. I didn't even have my bags. My bags went to my house, I rerouted and went and spent a week there because that's how close I was to her and I just didn't know what to do. I was so close, I was to her and I showed up and she was like how did you even know? And I just started hugging her, like that's just who I am. I don't know why I am. It's very freaking, exhausting, but it's just. You know, like this is in there. So so, but about your commitment to I want to give you tremendous credit for that, paul, because what you shared, that I want to underscore, bowl, highlight italics and put it in Purple would glitter in purple is also I was color, so that's what I did, that and make it shiny is there were patterns and then there were emotions. There were feelings or a fallout that you were experiencing that you did not appreciate. You decided to change it, to try to figure something out. Now, everyone listening, we may not have Paul's process, but this is what we can all take away Do something to change the things within that you are not Crazy about within yourself, right, like there's something going on. You're like, oh man, this just keeps coming up. I don't. I don't really like how this is going. It can't always be somebody else. How am I ending up in this space where I'm red, hot on fire or my stomach is hurting or I'm waking up with neck pain and back pain? If you're waking up with neck pain and back pain, something happened, you know. So shout out to Paul for doing that and take us through one or two examples of what people have shared with you or what you've experienced in how you actually use the game Right. So you mentioned how you just do it daily, or how it's a game or exercise. You're pretty much. What I think is the most important thing is that you have to be what I think is great and correct me if I'm wrong. It's like an action oriented Get better self help. You don't have to write it down journal, and I don't. I can't always write it down, but if I pick this die up and roll it, that is my daily action to activate. Okay, jay smiles, go do this thing.

Absolutely, jay. That's. That's really a good thing. I've got there's a mare in a neighboring town that actually, when she was running for election, she picked up a dime, start rolling. It started just sending the love out and I'm sure it affected her election as well. It's, it's affected her as she's in office when she rolls it every day. She rolls it with her husband and it just is. She says it's kind of an intentional thing that I'm intending to love all day long. You can imagine a political office person that they're going to get barraged with a lot, of, a lot of questions that are really hard questions and she's responding with love because she's choosing to do that all day long and it's really helped her in her campaign, helped her keep a level head in the office and it's just really worked well with her that way. As far as for families, there was a family of five children that decided they're going to try to roll the die as a family. Well, each one of the family members would roll the die for themselves. So it wasn't that the whole family was doing the same love language all that day, but every member. So one day it was Jonathan's turn to roll the die. He's four years old, the very youngest. He's a boy and had older brothers. He rolled one day. He rolled physical touch. He jumps up and down, his fist pumping, and he said, yes, physical touch, physical touch. And immediately it goes, beats up on his brothers and the mother's trying to suppress all the laughter just like you're laughing there, jay Trying to suppress all this laughter and say, no, son, that's not really appropriate physical touch. But he probably learned it from his older brothers. That's what his brothers were doing and that's how we thought love was administered physically, and so that's what he did. But for the mother it actually became a wonderful teaching moment to teach Jonathan. This is what the way we do. Physical touch is the high five, the fist bump. We do fancy handshakes, we do a pat on the back, above the waist, and just those time. That's how we express physical touch or the hug. We just do it in that way, and while the mother's teaching Jonathan, the siblings are also listening, so they're getting also the idea of how to appropriately send love out there, and so it's just. Those are a couple of examples of how people are using this in their life and how it's really blessing their life, helping them rise above what the violence or the rage that's going on right now, and we all really need to do that. We just need to be a little kinder every single day.

You just keep knocking it out the park, paul. You keep knocking. There's not going to be any balls left. You're not even giving the ball boys and the ball girls time to go back out to the parking lot. Get all the balls back, bring them back inside so they can hit it outside. We can hit them again. We don't have enough baseballs for this. This this has been such a rewarding conversation and I was so exciting and energized to bring it to the community because it's a book that many of us have either read or in some way heard about the five love languages and people talk pretty comfortably about, oh, my love languages, gifts or its time and now to have an executable game or task and then to say, as a caregiver, I can exercise. This is how I'm going to engage my LL. It doesn't really matter what your LL gives you back. If I'm giving this to my LL and I can watch and see if they light up. They don't have to what I took from how you were sharing. We don't have to worry about if our LL took the test or read the book. If they light up in how we are engaging them by the sparkle of the eye or they smile brighter, then we can take that as a aha, yes, that particular way, whether it was the touch or the words, or maybe we gave them a card, it was colorful. Then we say OK, yeah, yeah, yeah, mom or dad or sister or husband, kind of like that. And then also, if we're using that when we're out and about in the world, we're using our whatever love, language or that particular moment at work or in the grocery store. It's allowing us to focus on something positive that day, rather than some of the responsibilities and heaviness of being a caregiver and who knows what will come back in return. That's not for us to decide right now in this podcast, but what we we have. I've heard enough in my life you get back what you give, just in the world. Generally I might not get back exactly what I give from my mom, but I'm going to get back what I give from the world and. I choose. I choose to give love. It's a choice, that's what I choose. Well, tell everyone, paul, let us know where we can Purchase the game, what else you have going on, how we can follow you, get in touch with you. All the good things.

So, thank you, jay. They can purchase everything. It's really. The cost is less, quite a bit less than just one session of therapy and this is something that's really going to help you throughout your rest of your life. I have it on special right now for twenty nine, ninety nine. It's a bundle package that you get the, the, the cube, you get the book and you get the journal and this I. I have the same feeling about journals, jay, that you do that when I look at a blank page, my mind goes blank. This isn't a blank page. This, this is where you can record what you rolled, what opportunities you saw, the love in that way, and what you did about those opportunities. It becomes a love journal, something that you can pass on to your other loved ones that are that when, when you get to the point that you are not able to talk about it, then they can read those books about what was it that my mother loved in her day? You know, I would have loved to have a journal like this from my mother or my grandmother. Instead, jay, I got a journal about the weather, the weather, sixty years ago. The weather who cares about that? I could have read an almanac about the weather, but who reads the almanac? I mean ridiculous. I know that the weather was important to farmers, but I well, anyway, that role of lovecom, r-o-l-e of lovecom is where you can find all that and, like I said, it's on special right now, from now till Christmas.

We're going to roll on, but I'm bump. I like it to the world and spread some love. Thank you so much, paul. This has been an absolute blast. You're welcome to come back anytime, share more stories about your Journey as a love language linguist, linguist. What I so think is I mean the dopest crap ever. I'm saying crap because I you know it's the dopest shit ever. I'm a comedian. Whatever. The dopest shit ever to me, paul, is when you shared that, yeah, there's French, there's English, there's Spanish. I have a niece that she used to say I want to go to Japan so I can learn Japanese. There are all these languages, but Can you be a love language linguist? Right, because you can speak those languages too. Everyone's so busy trying to speak word languages. What about speaking these emotional languages? I was like, oh my goodness, that was my mind. I was like, oh my goodness. I was like, oh my goodness, oh, that was my mind exploding all over my brain inside the skull.

And that's a worldwide language. To Jay, it's. It will be something that you'll, that everyone around the world will understand too.

All right, you heard it first here. Well, I heard it first here. I'm sure you've told many others. But anyway, we appreciate it so much we're going to use it. You're welcome to come back anytime. You have a good one.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, bye, bye. Snuggle up Number one. I love it when a negative, it's stripped Of its you know, like essence, of the ugliness, of the darkness, of its power, and turned into something glorious, magnificent, filled with light, the way Paul decided he made the choice. Now I know that there are lots of pieces and steps that Paul did not share with us around how come he ended up needing the love languages book, and how many other things did not work for him Along the way. But the abuse of his childhood that led to the anger within him and his brothers and all this crap Made him say I already, and then I'm going to do something about it. That's that fight. That's that fight Number two. Number two Language is more than words. Y'all, we hear it all the time. Oh, I don't remember the statistic, but it's something like when you communicate with people body language or presentation, facial expression or something. Your actions mean more than your words. All these kind of things. Blah, blah, blah. All the things have constantly been told to us. That's what people are watching, not just the worst. And now we have this Deeper way to approach the five love languages book and we can think about being a love language linguist. So not only know, maybe, what your language is, your love languages and your spouse your best friend, but to become proficient in all five love languages. That is so dope, like to become so emotionally Nimble. What the what the Yo as a caregiver how dope is that? I mean you. We could then just kind of pivot a lot more seamlessly and stress and crap from work At least that's how I see it Right, I just follow up all back. I pledged Number three. You're a caregiver, you are an unpaid family caregiver, all right, so choose your internal well being. If this isn't the route for you, then what is? It's cool? If this ain't your thing, no problem. But I am going to challenge you to take an action for what is? Because what's not the answer is a continuous negative ball of fire in your gut every day, or every other day, when that certain person calls or when your LO decides to bite the orange with the whole ride on it. No, I'm saying today's sponsor is the outside. I've been open to it. Get your tickets at JSmilesComedycom DC. New York City, chicago, houston, atlanta. Get your ticket. We made it. Thank you for listening. Please share with someone you love. Subscribe for continuous caregiving tips, tricks, trends and truth. And pretty pretty please with brain health sweetener on top Review on Apple Podcast. Subscribe to our YouTube page and follow us on social media too. I'm a comedian. All simers is heavy, but we ain't got to be.