Transcript
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So y'all know good and well my mama was not supposed to be walking up to the polls with a kid who couldn't vote, but she was so about that life and everybody at the polls knew her.
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She took my look behind, grabbed me by the hand and said come on in here.
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You're going to vote, don't talk, but I want you to see and know where it is.
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I want you to watch mama check for my name.
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This is Alabama.
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We have nothing digital.
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We're nothing fancy.
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Ever it was you writing your name or scratching your name off or bubbling something and coloring in something.
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You stand here and don't say nothing.
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Parenting Up caregiving adventures with Comedian Day day smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.
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For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat.
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Spoiler alert I started comedy because this shit is so heavy, so be ready for the jokes.
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Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver you are in the right place.
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Hi, this is Zeddy.
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I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast.
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Is that okay?
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Today's supporter.
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Shout out Tori Lux Quote so real Mom drives from the passenger side.
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Now Dementia sucks.
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Thank you for sharing Emoji heart end quote.
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We appreciate it, tori Lux, and for the rest of you, you too can have your support, a shout out, leave your comment on Apple Podcasts, instagram or YouTube and leave a review on Apple Podcasts, please.
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It really helps us grow and secure sponsorship, thank you, thank you.
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Today's episode Balance and Beliefs Zeddy's Passion for Voting.
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There are so many stories I tell about Zeddy.
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99.9% of them are post Alzheimer's dementia.
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The brain shunt.
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When her memory started to fail, when her gait started to be crappy, when she failed, when she had urine running down her leg and didn't know.
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And you know, at this time I said let me say something about this chick, this glorious, fantastic boss, old, bad ass woman.
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That's my mama.
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Before this stupid disease.
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There's so much life and vitality that I know is still in there.
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But listen, let me tell you something about this lady.
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Her friends from back in the day called her TY.
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Her first name is Thelma, middle name Yvette and meant a thing that my mama cared about.
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I don't know that she cared about anything more than voting.
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That's what I'm trying to say, and when I, I know she cares more about me, but I'm a person I said I don't know a thing, right?
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Not a car, not a vacation, not a job, not a concert, not money, voting.
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And growing up I was like you know.
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I mean, why this election?
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Why this candidate?
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And the look on her face you wouldn't think I told her that she was a horrible mom and I was about to run away.
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Don't ever come for me, don't try to find me, I hate you.
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She was so dedicated to the pursuit of equity through our civil liberty of voting, and so I've got to share with you all a little bit about how that impacted me and how it seemed to come to play for her, trying to determine if Alabama Democrats needed to break off and start a whole new Democratic thing.
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You know, it's kind of like in national politics or global politics.
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You always hear do we need a new party, democrats, republicans, they are not doing right by anybody.
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So we want the Green Party, we want the independents, we want the Tea Party, whatever.
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Well, that's where my parents met Talking trash at a political event, talking about voting.
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My mom always told me no, voting is insignificant.
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If it was insignificant and it didn't matter, they would have given us the right to vote from the beginning.
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And so even if you don't understand, jay, why you should vote, understand that the people in the power don't want you to.
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That's why you should do it.
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So think about like when you're a kid and you're growing up and your parents say don't date that guy, don't date that girl, come home by midnight.
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What's the first thing you do?
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You're like forget that.
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If you say, come on by midnight, I'm trying to figure out immediately how at least to stay out to 1 am.
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It's the same psychology for my mom at least.
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If they don't want us to vote, then damn it.
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I'm voting every time.
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Local, state, federal, she was in it.
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Local state, federal, she was in it.
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Now, of course, it does not hurt that she was born and raised in Montgomery, alabama, and Martin Luther King Jr was a personal mentor of hers.
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But I will tell you this all of her contemporaries, all of her cousins, everybody she grew up with, didn't keep that same fire in their belly, and I mean, technically speaking, dr King was there with them too, like I wasn't there.
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So I ain't trying to start nothing and I ain't trying to say who did this, who robbed Peter to pay Paul, but I grew up with him and I know some people didn't quite make it.
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Y'all, zeddy gave her employees the day off to go vote.
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She's a private employer, a consultant, and let me tell you why.
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That's a big deal they had to negotiate.
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They asked off to get regular vacation because my mama believed that you should work.
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You got sick days and then you should come to work because if you ain't sick you should be at work.
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Vacation from what?
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What?
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You vacationing from?
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You should be happy to have a job and if you ain't sick you should come to work.
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But for voting she gave him the day off, hey, and all she was waiting for them to do was to come back into work with a little sticker on that said I voted.
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That's how serious my mama was from day one about voting.
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Funny story about voting with my mom, okay.
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So back in the day, especially Montgomery, alabama, you got to realize when I was growing up we were still under all kind of federal jurisdiction because of the crap that happened back in the 1940s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, you know what?
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For the crap that happened from Jesus and Moses up till about 1997, we were still under federal rule.
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So how we voted and when we voted and gerrymandering and red displeasing all of that.
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We had a lot of federal oversight.
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So you know good and well my mama was not supposed to be walking up to the polls with a kid who couldn't vote, but she was so about that life and everybody at the polls knew her.
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She took my look behind, grabbed me by the hand and said come on in here.
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You're going to vote, don't talk.
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But I want you to see and know where it is.
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I want you to watch.
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Mama.
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Check for my name.
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This is Alabama.
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We have nothing digital.
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We're nothing fancy ever.
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You were writing your name or scratching your name off or bubbling something and coloring in something.
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You stand here and don't say nothing.
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And she walked in and hilarious was to watch Zeddy go from badass I will negotiate with a drug kingpin and the devil to sweet and demure like she's about to hand somebody a piece of cake.
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So she was talking all this trash with me in the car.
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You're not supposed to be in here, but don't say nothing.
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If you just don't talk and don't do nothing, don't touch nothing, you can't bring no toy in here and don't look at nobody, you just hold my hand.
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She gets in Hi, how are you?
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Ooh, how's your mama?
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Yeah, oh, my God, it is hot outside, isn't it?
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I barely made it here, yeah, yeah, oh, my God, it is hot outside, isn't it?
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I barely made it here.
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Yeah, yeah, uh-huh, oh, should I get in this line off here?
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Oh well, thank you so much.
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Yeah, yeah, well, you know, I had to go pick my child up.
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I just I didn't have anybody else to go and get, so is it okay if she just she's just going to be just right over, she's not going to make up?
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Oh, is that okay?
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Oh, thank you so much, because I understand Y'all.
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Okay.
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By the time she has cotton air, talked these people into talking about the weather and their kids and a piece of cake.
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I'm at 9, 11, 12, 13, all standing with her watching the whole process.
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That's my mama.
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And then she walks back out and she said did you see what I just did?
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You don't take no for an answer.
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If you not trying to shoot nobody or kill nobody or steal nothing, you better not stand down.
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And then I was thinking to myself I don don't even know, but I wasn't supposed to be here.
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But I wasn't supposed to be here.
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But what I didn't do was talk back to her, because there were two times during the year that my mama got riled up and got like big like a grizzly bear, that my mama got riled up and got like big like a grizzly bear Tax time and voting.
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And you let her be right.
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It didn't matter what she said.
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If she told me that I was not her daughter and that I was a tree, the answer is like right, yes.
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And I couldn't say yes, ma'am, because if you say yes, ma'am, because if you say yes ma'am to Zeddy, you are in immediate trouble.
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That is, that is like a suspension from the family.
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I could say okay, mama, I heard you.
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Okay, zeddy, I got you, I understand.
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She said yes, ma'am, you listen?
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That's what white people made us say to them after they had either whipped us or beat us or treated us poorly, even after slavery was over.
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Don't you tell me, yes, ma'am, we weren't even supposed to be voting.
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Okay, I wasn't supposed to.
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Okay, all right, whatever, mama, the reason I can approach strangers to this very day, I owe a lot of credit to my mom making me go canvassing.
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I ain't have a choice.
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I actually had to go door to door, knocking, passing out leaflets and stuff for candidates.
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Now, these are candidates, clearly I'm not learning about, I can't vote.
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But she would give me the pamphlets and the papers and I either had to go, put it in their mailbox, knock on the door like if we were at a football game or basketball game.
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Sometimes we were doing it at the mall and we just handed it to people.
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I'm just supposed to smile Hi, how you doing?
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Have a good day.
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How many of you had to go ring a doorbell, wait for people to come outside, like my zeddy didn't allow me to just leave the pamphlet or the little piece of paper under the doormat, I had to ring the doorbell first and try to say please vote for so-and-so for the board of education, please vote for so-and-so for county commissioner.
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You know what?
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To this day, most Americans, most of my friends who call themselves engaged and informed, they don't have no damn idea who their county commissioner is.
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I was before I could drive a car.
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I'm canvassing because daddy said I had to and she's sitting in the car watching me do it.
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Why aren't you canvassing?
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Why do I have to go do it?
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I want to go play.
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I want to go outside and play, because if these people ask me a question about the candidate, I don't even have anything to say.
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She said don't you worry about that.
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You read these top three bullets on the back of this little card, hand it to whoever answers the door and come back to the car, and then she would blow and wave at him and they say all right, how you doing what you talk about not having a choice?
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Yeah yeah, zeddy's reputation was so solid and so pure that many candidates came to her and went looking for an endorsement.
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Looking for an endorsement.
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She didn't care where they stood in the polls if they were an incumbent, black, white, conservative, liberal, moderate.
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What are your issues?
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What's your voting record?
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Zetty actually went and found people's voting records.
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I don't even know how you did it.
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How did she do that shit?
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This was before the internet.
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I literally don't know.
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But I don't know.
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Did you go to the library, mama?
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Like, did you go to the library?
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Did you go down to the state Capitol and ask somebody to like, print it off?
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I don't even know what you do.
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And then she would ask him.
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Well, you told us last election you were going to vote for extra.
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You know garbage and recycling and you didn't.
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So why would I trust you now?
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That's how she would come at people when they asked for her endorsement, sweetly.
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Now my dad, on the other hand, is cussing and dropping F-bombs because he's from New York, but they could win him over with a martini or hey man.
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You know, I got caught out there.
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I was caught between a rock and a hard place.
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I had to negotiate.
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He's a lawyer.
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My mama said you don't ever negotiate with your word for your constituents, period.
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So she wouldn't.
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She wouldn't rock with him, no more.
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When they did decide to back a candidate, my parents would host political, end up being the babysitter.
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My parents didn't hire no babysitter to be taking care of these folks' kids.
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That was me or the valet.
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Yes, here I am.
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This is about the valet.
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Yes, here I am.
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This is about the deep south.
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Here I am, with no license, getting people's keys and parking the cars all over the neighborhood and then putting some kind of little tape or garbage bag, twisty tie and putting their name on it.
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Twisty tie and putting their name on it.
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Zetty knew election day, like her birthday.
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If it moved up, if it was a special election, she knew it and she refused to go on vacation or have any kind of civil litigation because there was an expert witness happening on election day.
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Do y'all hear me?
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I mean, she was going to the poll, walking in that brick and mortar building with her pencil or pen or punching whatever thing in the box.
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She had no love for absentee ballots.
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I'm pausing right now to say this is not the parenting up community opinion about absentee ballots.
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If you need an absentee ballot, please use one.
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All of my brothers and sisters in the military, most of you have to do it.
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Often you don't have a choice.
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I'm just letting y'all know about the girl she said so.
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You telling me the same people that chased me with dogs and put a fire hose on me with enough water pressure to rip my skin off my knees.
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They gonna open some mail I send and count it.
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Oh okay, yeah, I tell you what you wait on that.
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My daddy would be mad as hell at first when she would reshift all the damn holiday plans or vacation plans, or it didn't matter what I had going on at school.
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It was oh my, it's my play, it's my team.
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We made it to the playoffs.
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Baby, I can't make it.
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Y'all traveling to Florida.
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Good, mama's gonna give you some extra spending money and do the best you can with y'all going.
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On voting day I got to walk in the building and punch my ticket and watch them punching and watch the thing fall down into whatever or go into the lock box that had somebody standing there with a gun.
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That's the mentality that Zeddy carried around voting.
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And when I tell you she gave it to me voting, and when I tell you she gave it to me, I can't lie and say I have been as judicious as she is.
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But there have been times when I lived in Europe or I lived in other states and I said I got to get my ass back to where I live to go vote.
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There are times where I have driven eight hours one way to turn around and go back because I needed to vote the way.
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My mama said vote.
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Now.
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I'm not saying it makes sense.
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I'm just sharing with y'all what I did because she made me scared.
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I was like, well, I can't come.
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This was before she had Alzheimer's.
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Now I can vote absentee and I don't feel bad about it.
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Now is that trippy y'all?
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That's trippy huh.
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Right Now I feel like I can vote absentee because if she she's not gonna ask me.
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But before, if she said, well, jay, did you go vote?
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Well, where did you vote?
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I couldn't tell her.
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I sent in no damn absentee ballot.
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You know what I mean.
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Now she gonna make it sound like I put us all back in slavery.
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Can't about take that from her.
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Can't about take that from her.
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My mama hazed me and didn't believe in child work, labor laws.
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Countless times we would get to the polls.
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The line was long.
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It's raining Off and on.
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She sent me to stand in her place, umbrella or not, while she was in the car finishing her work.
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Whatever, zed was always working.
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If she was awake, she was working.
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So if she was reading on something or taking notes to prepare herself for the case, or because after she voted she was going back to her office, and if she thought the line was longer than about 10 to 15 minutes, uh, jg, go stand in line for mama and hold my place, ma'am.
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Uh, there's a newspaper.
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Put the newspaper over your head.
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Go stand in line.
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Just tell the person in front of you or behind you.
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Your mama's in the car.
