Advocating 101: Partner with the Provider - chatting with "Eclectic" Dawn

Ecclectic Dawn: 0:00

Then I would say, you know, to my daughter, hey, can you you know, can you kind of hang out with grandma? And she would say yes. And that's what made me notice the difference because the whole time they were together. Oh, it'd be a lot of laughing and giggling and that kind of thing. And it made me think to myself, Wow, just like you. Like you said, I was like, Wow, I'm not doing all that laughing and giggling and, and I wasn't, you know, upset about anything, but I was like okay.

J Smiles: 0:35

You were taking care of you. Your daughter hat had been removed, and you were wearing a caregiver hat and it is a very tough thing. I was sharing with one of my friends in the world of comedy, just how many hats I have to switch on and off any given day, they did not believe me. Parenting Up- caregiving adventures with comedian J. Smiles. It's the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for the well being of my mom. For almost a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her, and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler Alert- I started comedy because this stuff is so heavy, be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, OGs, village members trying to just prop up a caregiver, you are in the right place.

Zetty: 1:31

Hi, this is Zetty. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Is that okay?

J Smiles: 1:43

Today's episode, advocacy 101 partner with the provider, a chat with Ecclectic Dawn Parenting Up family we are in for a special treat tonight. We have Ecclectic Dawn and her name says it all. She actually has been a caregiver for both of her parents. Neither have had a disease that falls under dementia. This is the first time we've had someone like Dawn on the podcast, which I think is super special because now we really get to see that caregiving is vast and is deep and is heavy. And we all need the support. How are you doing Dawn?

Ecclectic Dawn: 2:32

I am great J smiles. How are you?

J Smiles: 2:35

Honey, I'm okay. I am okay. And I'm so so excited to have you here because your story is super unique in that your advocacy and passion around patient care and making sure that patients rights are maintained, is supernatural, at least in my opinion. Because what I know of you, it extends way past your mom and your dad when it comes to how intense you are about making sure that the system doesn't beat people down. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So let's back up a little bit. I believe you first took care of your mom, is that correct?

Ecclectic Dawn: 3:20

Yes I did

J Smiles: 3:21

So tell us what, what ailment your mom had that require you to care for her.

Ecclectic Dawn: 3:29

She had multiple heart conditions that got increasingly more severe that necessitated a lot of medication which was she also had very bad asthma. So it was difficult at times to tell the difference between what was heart related and what was asthma. And so she had gotten to a point where her breathing was extremely labored and she had been in the hospital and then she had gone to rehab and I will stop there.

J Smiles: 4:15

Okay, okay. So when she was in rehab, please let's take a moment and let the Parenting Up family know if you don't mind around how old was your mom when these types of ailments I guess when it when it when it accumulated so much that you needed to get involved?

Ecclectic Dawn: 4:36

I will say at the age of 84. I believe it probably started to exacerbate when she was in her 60s. But she was so busy taking care of you know, her family and also because asthma and heart disease are kind of in the same area in the body, it was hard to determine which was which. And so, by the time she had had a couple of procedures, when it came time, as she approached her 80s, you know, it became a thing of what insurance companies deemed would be, I guess, I will say, longevity versus the cost of a procedure.

J Smiles: 5:37

Oh, okay. You're telling me this, and I never met your mom, and it put a lump in my throat. That's some big box business, who never met your mom and they're basically putting a value on her life. That's why that's the way I'm interpreting, interpreting that. How did that feel to you? And how did you handle that? How did you respond to that bit of information?

Ecclectic Dawn: 6:04

Well I think, you know, as always, you know, she would, we would chat with her about what her preferences were. And at a certain point, she was just like, well, I have these multiple heart conditions and the asthma, so I'm just going to treat it. And you know, I think sometimes you get to a point where you're like, I don't want to be poked or prodded anymore.

J Smiles: 6:37

I get that. Yeah, yeah. There was a point my grandmother didn't get there. She did get there. My grandmother had lung cancer and emphysema, which both are in the same place, the same origin. And there was a point where she looked at me and she said, Jay, Jay, she called me baby J. As a matter of fact, she was like, Baby J, I didn't mean I didn't sign up for all of this. And I was like, Whoa, that, to me sounds like she might be talking to the big guy. And we might we might emotionally be losing or in the will to push through some of these earthly pains. So when your mom was in rehab, was that rehab a, an in house rehab or was she coming home and then you had to take her back to the facility?

Ecclectic Dawn: 7:26

Well, it's okay. I will say a lot of time, facilities will try to give you the home rehab, if they can, because this more cost effective. But we felt that she needed it inpatient and we didn't want to, you never want to, I don't think any child wants to bring a parent home and have it exacerbate to the point where it's not within your control to put them at ease. And so we felt it best until she got into a manageable state, where we could comfortably not only we bring her home, but where she felt comfortable herself, to maybe have moments alone, and not feel like she was going to have to call the ambulance or the ambulance was going to have to be called. So I believe it's usually a family matter. You always want to honor your parents and, you know, honor their wishes. But you also want to bridge that with what best medically and then you also have to take into consideration what the I guess medical, the person of oversight, says, and you have to balance all of that. And so at all times, we were always trying to balance that and so and so was she

J Smiles: 9:13

That is commendable. And I want to say kudos to you and your family because everyone doesn't have either the knowledge or this, the gumption is something my mom used to say all the time to give the push back to the system, you know, to say if they say, hey, it's time for you to go home now and do these three legged squats and come back and see us three times a week and make sure you don't drink any whole milk and make sure not to eat any greasy chicken. You just take those directives from the physician or from the facility and you go ahead. How did you know or push either have the knowledge or have that I guess, gumption as my mom would say, to push back and say, Yeah, you know what we're not taking her home, you're gonna keep her here. And we're gonna keep her here until we're comfortable and until she's comfortable?

Ecclectic Dawn: 10:13

Yeah, well, I think, first of all, our mom was pretty, we nicknamed her was feisty, because she said, I know what my body feels. And, you know, so she would, she wasn't quiet when it came to, you know, what she felt that she needed? And what she thought were her rights. And she would always consult us and you know, we'd say, No, it's your right to have this type of service or to have a consult or to make decisions regarding your health and your body. So not only myself, but my brother, we're advocates for her that, you know, it's okay, you just don't have to lay in a bed and accept everything without having some questions or else asking for further explanation, or even asking for, if I go with door A, what are some options or if I go with door B. So she was always a person who asked questions. And I will tell you at one point, I stepped out into the hallway and so did my brother and we said, because there was a former president, whose wife was going through some challenges. And we literally said to the doctor,

J Smiles: 11:40

I'm sorry, wait, President. Do you mean the President of the United States?

Ecclectic Dawn: 11:44

Yes. Okay. And his wife had the exact, the exact same condition my mother had. And we told the doctor, do you see all of those techniques that are being used to preserve her life? We want the same exact care.

J Smiles: 12:11

I know that's right. Hold on, we got we got to give y'all some claps Hold on. On the parent and up family, and when something stupendous occurs, we, we get immediate chairs that is outstanding, to have that type. To have the wherewithal in the moment, because it's tense, I have a PhD, I have a self applied PhD in hospitalizing, and it's tense and tense with the doctors is tense with those white coats, it's a lot going on, you already stressed for whatever the condition is that your loved one has, and you've been in there for hours and days, and maybe you haven't had proper food, proper rest, and to have the acumen and the language to say that to the doctors. I commend you both for that. Now, did you grow up in the household? Were advocacy and rights and knowing your rights was something that was promoted?

Ecclectic Dawn: 13:20

Um, I will say yes. And I will say even if we weren't exactly sure we would do the research. You know, we were kind of taught that you know, us, you know, how your body feels. We would do a lot of research before we went in, we always went in with a pad or pencil with symptoms list, listed that kind of thing so that we didn't spend time just, you know, not that we weren't chord with the doctor, but we were there for a purpose. And not only were we there to get treatment, we were there to get a proper treatment, and the treatment that would best suit the condition. And so we we knew we had to kind of educate ourselves so that we would partner with the medical practitioner, not just the toe.

J Smiles: 14:14

I love that partner with the medical practitioner that is now that is a phrase that I hope picks up with the Parenting Up family and sticks. Partner with the medical practitioner, I think far too often. We don't do that Ecclectic Dawn is as much on us as it is on the medical community. They may not be viewing us as partners, and then we don't walk in there with that level of empowerment. So that is on both sides. In my opinion, very often, the medical community needs to step it down a notch, and we need to step it up a notch. Kudos for mom being strong enough to say hey, listen, I know my body and y'all know about to railroad me and send me home, and then you all standing up for her?

Ecclectic Dawn: 15:06

Yeah.

J Smiles: 15:06

When she did come home was does she come to your house? Or does she go to her own house?

Unknown: 15:13

Well, there were a couple of different times because she needed a couple of different procedures. And so she didn't take any of those procedures lightly. And I think anytime we talked to the doctor, we were very, you know, she felt like she didn't want to know then we would step outside of the room and speak frankly, with the people who were treating her. So we weren't afraid to ask, what is the prognosis, which is sometimes not something people want to know. And if we decide to do this, how much time would be in between her needing this particular procedure. So we were trying to figure out and a lot of times, we would have to go back to mom and say, Look, this, you know, kind of translate, she understood, but you have to realize, when people have been going through a lot of pain, they don't always want to process the details of something. And so that's where the family members come in, because not only they sometimes have to put that emotional piece aside just for a little bit, and, and process everything, because you're also processing for the person who's ill, who may just be either so tired, so much in pain, doesn't really want to think about the details and that kind of thing. So that is pretty much what we did to kind of soften the blow, because a lot of times she wouldn't, you know, she would talk to the doctor, and she was very well spoken. But sometimes we have to give them a minute and say when you come back, let's, let's talk about it. Because I remember one time they wanted to give her a biopsy, just take a piece of her skin and she didn't, she didn't want to do it because she was tired. You know, she felt like she had enough X rays. She had had enough being carted down, you know, and you have to do it on their schedule and that's understandable. But you also have to put yourself in the mentality of your loved ones, but they're just tired. They just want to let me lay there for a minute. Let me eat a little bit, let it digest, and maybe I can watch a show because I need to process.

J Smiles: 17:44

What you're saying. Exactly. Exactly.

Ecclectic Dawn: 17:47

Right

J Smiles: 17:47

Exactly. Now, let me ask you this Ecclectic Dawn, you are dropping so much knowledge on our perspective, because you're not necessarily giving legal tenets, and you're not saying medication, you're really describing a way of living, and a direction of how you manage the care of a loved one, on their medical journey. I just got to ask you How the hell did you know or do you know to do that? Did you come from heaven like this? Do you have a background in nursing? Have you ever worked in a hospital? Did something happened when you were 12 with your, with your little doll and you're like hey if I ever get the chance to be old. I mean, you gotta mean because your frame of reference is so reasonable. Everything you're saying I'm like, Well, hell yeah, we should do it that way. Yet. And still, you are a rare bird in that the way you are connecting things is not the common story, at least not in the United States on how we put things together.

Ecclectic Dawn: 19:07

I have former training as a medical claims examiner.

J Smiles: 19:12

Okay

Ecclectic Dawn: 19:12

And I work with several companies. So I am familiar with the ICD 10 codes. And you know what,

J Smiles: 19:21

Hold on, what is the ICD code, you got to slow down, tell it you're talking fancy talk.

Ecclectic Dawn: 19:27

International Code for diagnosis. Okay, and that can make the difference between how a claim is paid out. Whether it's going to be paid as an inpatient procedure, or whether it's paid at as an outpatient procedure. You have to know whether or not how many days constitutes a stay, where it's covered under that one deductible or whether or not if you leave and stay out so many days and come back in you'd have to pay another deductible because it starts to stay totally over because it's too many days apart, and they don't consider the stays connected. So, and, you know, kind of doing that advisory piece. And, you know, kind of asking my mom, how do you feel? Well, if you make this decision, this is how it might need to go. And if you don't, this is how it might need to go. And if you need home health care, or on an outpatient basis, versus you going into a facility, we would always have those chat, and then kind of, so I do think my background, kind of assisted in making certain decisions, because, you know, I knew the difference between durable medical equipment, that's equipment that can come into the home, that can make your life a little easier, or whether you could have nurse come in, or one who was working, the difference between occupational therapy, those mobile things that you need to exercise to kind of get you back to a certain quality of life.

J Smiles: 21:14

Right, right, you could then really digest very quickly for your mother and for the rest of your family members, what some of these, the nomenclature, some of the words, some of the terms, some of the technology, and you could break down what that would mean pretty quickly. So then your family could just start to wrap their minds around the actual trauma to your mom's body and with whatever treatment, disease or diagnosis was occurring.

Ecclectic Dawn: 21:44

Yeah. And I think that when you do that, even though the person may be really sick, just those little things help to take some of the burden and bring a little bit of relief, and what can be a very traumatic and painful situation, you know, because they're not usually of the mindset, I remember sitting in the hospital calling to get benefit. And asking, how many days qualify for such and such under her plan, and that kind of thing and navigating through that. And I know that some of our elders don't always know how to do that. And then we as usually children or advocates that are in that person's life sometimes don't know how to do that.

J Smiles: 22:35

Hell nah we don't know how to do that, Ecclectic Dawn. Let me tell you something, I have, I have three college degrees. And so people might assume that I could handle that. First of all, I mean, now like I say, I have a self proclaimed PhD in hospitaling. It is only because I've had to advocate for my mom, both of my grandparents, and several other family members that I've now become accustomed to the lingo and the process of what it looks like when you need to what I'm going to say, you know, become the, the battle ram for the person you love that's laying on that hospital bed on that gurney. Because it's, it's like war in there inside that hospital. It's a emotional war, and for a lot of us is intellectual war, because it's another language that they're speaking. And on top of that, there's the emotional component that someone that you care about, is in danger, no matter what the danger is, if they're admitted to the hospital, something has gone wrong with their body, with the exception of when you're, if it's an elective surgery, that's one thing. Or if you're delivering a baby, in my opinion, those are only two times where we're there without stress, anything else, even if it's considered a minor procedure, or something that we should get over things like we say, oh, where's she's just having her tonsils removed, or he's just having his appendix removed. That is still something where your body is now rejecting an organ. And if I'm the one watching my 12 year old niece have to get her tonsils out. That's stressful in the moment, just because we've known it to happen successfully. It doesn't take any more less of the intensity out of it. When it's up to you to parent up and is your parent and then you throw the complexity of that being a disease that the doctors aren't even sure what the hell it is, or how to treat it. O M G. Huh

Ecclectic Dawn: 25:00

Yeah,

J Smiles: 25:00

So yeah, yeah, the fact that you can he talking about knowing about what to call and how many days? What makes an inpatient outpatient. Is this covered? Is it not covered? How much am I going to owe later? Most of us, it's like the dawn, we just walk in there and say, save my mama, do whatever the hell you got to do to save my mom. That's the best we know to say, we don't even know that look, pull out the insurance card and turn it over on the back and try to call the people and say what the hell is really happening? And what kind of bill are you gonna give me? And when are you gonna put us out?

Ecclectic Dawn: 25:34

That's true.

J Smiles: 25:35

We don't even know we could do that. We don't even know that we can.

Ecclectic Dawn: 25:38

Right

J Smiles: 25:39

Yeah

Ecclectic Dawn: 25:39

I agree

J Smiles: 25:41

Yeah

Ecclectic Dawn: 25:41

And it's hard, because I think you do want to, if you're kind of torn in between, you have to come with a level head, but then you also have that emotional piece. But I guess I just thought, you know, the way in which I handle it in the moment, is also a part of the outcome, because you're torn between making the best decision based on the information that you have. And so then you try to get all the information you can from all angles, versus the part of you that wants to say, fix my mom and do whatever you have to do. And then actually, I'll be honest, because I'm that person. I always think of the economics associated with it, too. And I'll tell you a story that's funny, but not so funny.

J Smiles: 26:38

Okay,we love stories. We love stories here.

Ecclectic Dawn: 26:41

There was a point she needed a wheelchair, and so a wheelchair was delivered. And so, you know, in most instances, you're gonna be like, Oh, thank you, I need to yes, we need that wheelchair. So me, I was like, how much is the wheelchair? And the wheelchair was like more than $500. And I was like, you have to be kidding me. And I said, I'm pretty sure I could go online and find a wheelchair. Now in that moment you know, you're torn between, okay, I need the wheelchair, just just take the wheelchair. And umm

J Smiles: 27:18

Right

Ecclectic Dawn: 27:18

So I kind of got that brain where I was like, oh, no, I don't think I mean as durable medical equipment. But I am pretty sure there is a wheelchair that I can find as cheaper than that. So I literally the guy was just standing there. He asked me to sign for it. I was like, No, you can take that back to the store. We're gonna get another one

J Smiles: 27:37

(laughing) I know that's right! You like nobody want no Maserati, I don't even know if Mama's gonna use this wheelchair

Ecclectic Dawn: 27:47

Could be the wrong one.

J Smiles: 27:47

Right

Ecclectic Dawn: 27:48

What did you say?

J Smiles: 27:49

I said, Nobody wants a Maserati or like a Ferrari wheelchair, because you don't really know how much your loved one is going to actually use this equipment. I know the times, but my mom has come home, and they want to give the walker and the cane and the wheelchair. When my mom is first discharged. I don't actually know which piece of equipment if any, she's going to utilize and if I need one, which one? I don't know.

Ecclectic Dawn: 28:20

Right.

J Smiles: 28:21

And so I know that's right you were like Sir, you can take that right on that back because I'm sure I can find a wheelchair for cheaper than $500. And that's right. I bet you did.

Ecclectic Dawn: 28:31

And it was not the Maserati version, it had no motorized components.

J Smiles: 28:38

Oh, somebody was getting off. Somebody was yes.

Ecclectic Dawn: 28:41

It was cherry red. So I was like, No, that doesn't matter right about now.

J Smiles: 28:47

And I'm going to make sure that I let the parenting up family know that you are a soror of mine. You are a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated.

Ecclectic Dawn: 29:02

Yes, I am a member.

J Smiles: 29:05

I'm going to give cheers for that. And I'm sure at some point the Parenting Up families is that the only people that she knows well, no, it's not. It's not. However, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. The point is that my sorors are coming through with phenomenal stories and connections, and they are sharing and opening up in some, you know, very touching ways and they're being super transparent and I am so appreciating it. I also want to let people know how our paths cross and it was a closed Facebook group for Deltas. And so for people who say well, I don't know about social media and when you can and cannot trust and which portions of information are safe and sound, I just want to also give a shout out to close Facebook groups right here on ferreting up podcast because I have met and connected with some pretty fantastic people on closed groups where the groups have been filtered very well. So I wouldn't obviously, that means you got to really put a lot of credit and a lot of gratitude goes to the administrators of those groups who are really manning the fences, so to speak, and making sure that who gets in is supposed to be there. And then you're able to really customize the conversation. And so it was through that, and a post that I was making about my mom, that Ecclectic Dawn and I met, and then we went offline and started talking a bit more. And here we are.

Ecclectic Dawn: 31:00

Yeah

J Smiles: 31:01

So I love it. I love it.

Ecclectic Dawn: 31:04

Yeah, and I would also say that when, you know, you can be strong for your parents, but it was good for me to know that, you know, you don't wish sickness on anyone. But it was comforting to me to know that there were some other people who could share to kind of lift me up, because I think, as caregivers, we lift the person who is very ill up but there are times that when we need support, or we need an encouraging word, or we need some insight as to I won't even say a decision we make because sometimes we'll see somebody else had that same situation or scenario. And we can kind of glean from their decision making process. And I think as caregivers, we need that support as well. Because sometimes people you know, and it's just part of life, sometimes people don't always want to hear, you know, they want to hear how are you, I'm fine, and you can be fine, but you can be fine and still going through. And so sometimes it's just nice to have somebody that you can actually speak your truth to. And they say, You know what, I'm there as well.

J Smiles: 32:28

100,000 million, gazillion, trillion, billion million percent that's what this podcast and the Parenting Up family, that's really what we're all about. That's why I answered the call. Like when I started the podcast, I didn't know I was about to start a podcast, it was the spirit within. I call it the Holy Spirit, depending on a person's belief system. I am not a person who says you have to be a believer in my particular walk of faith in order for me to respect your walk, I do think you should believe in something. I don't really understand atheists. I'm not saying I hate you. I just don't understand you. I don't understand a human who says that there's nothing bigger than a human right? If you're saying when there's nothing, there's nothing bigger than all of us that's bringing us together that kind of blows my mind. And in my opinion, that feels a bit egotistical and myopic. But if if whatever you follow means there's a greater purpose in how we're connected the nest, find with J smiles. The purpose that really just welled up in me really started with the pandemic of 2020 saying, Wow, what can I do? And how can I help because I can't be in the mix. I can't be in and out with people. I can't really give up physically, I can't do comedy shows. I can't do food banks because my mother has Alzheimer's and I am not willing to subject myself to any public interactions where I may contract the virus. And the Spirit said, Well, what you can do is you can support caregivers with a podcast that and I remember pushing back for several weeks in a row like what podcasts podcast talking to caregivers because I mean, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, the urge didn't go anywhere. And here we are. me speaking to you. And the point is to say supporting the caregivers that is the most important part of what I can do as an individual in promoting Alzheimer's awareness, because there are more caregivers then there are sufferers of the diseases. Because this is not a one to one ratio. There's always more than one caregiver to the disease people. So I believe there like, at least for Alzheimer's there like 5.5 million people who've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's in the United States as of today. But there are over 10 million caregivers, if you add up everybody who was part time, full time, professional caregivers, family, caregivers, friends, people from church that chip in here and there, so that's like three to one. And if you bring in the rest of the world, they're way more of us. So you know, if the caregivers go down, the system blows up. So we got to support ourselves. That's a short story.

Ecclectic Dawn: 35:58

That's true, so very true.

J Smiles: 35:59

And it was so so very happy to meet you. And I was just so excited about your advocacy portion because my it's in my blood in my bones. I'm originally from Montgomery, Alabama. And the idea of when you see something wrong, do something about it, say something stand up for people. That's what you're supposed to do. And you and I know, the principles and attendance of our sorority and the activism with which our founders were embolden. And so the the push for you for patient's rights and advocacy that has continued, no matter what your parents may or may not need from you. I just commend you so much for that.

Unknown: 36:50

Oh, thank you.

J Smiles: 36:51

Yeah. So with you

Ecclectic Dawn: 36:52

Thank you for being an advocate.

J Smiles: 36:54

Of course, of course, like there's, I remember speaking with you a bit about too, with my mom. Even the fact that it's not an automatic Okay, for someone who is elderly, with any type of decline, a cognitive decline, or maybe if they are hearing impaired or they have a vision impairment, I think it ought to be an automatic that a family member can stay overnight with them in hospital. I don't think we ought to have to have some kind of meeting of the minds with the hospital president that should just come with it. But why are we talking about it? This is the United States of America. What do we what are we doing, we know that they're going to be disoriented, they're elderly, they are away from wherever they live, whether they live in a facility or they live at home. The point is, they're not in their living quarters. They're not in a familiar environment, and whoever is caring for them, that's not a familiar face, or voice or touch or whatever, on top of whatever pain like what you were describing, and how you were able to try to manage your emotions and being that balance point for your mother when she was in the hospital. This elderly person is in pain. There's some level of fear. And then they're tired. They're tired of always having to be poked and prodded on. And then on top of that, you're not going to even let them have a familiar face or voice just sitting over there in the chair. This is not even costing the hospital anything, what the hell?

Ecclectic Dawn: 38:41

Yeah

J Smiles: 38:42

Why are we talking about this? Anyway, so that's me on my soapbox.

Ecclectic Dawn: 38:45

I will tell you, when my mom was in the cardiac ICU, I just kind of you know, came in and had a little chit chat with the I will say the wonderful nurses in charge. And I was like, because I could tell when visiting hours were over, my mom really wasn't ready for me to leave. And not only myself, but my brother, we would come up there and then just already knew let us roll the chair up in here because they're, they're going to kind of hide out when it's time to go and so we might as well let them spend the night. So I do have I'm a big picture buff because and especially you know now during the pandemic, I am so happy that take so many pictures that people saying I don't take that picture but their memories and so I have pictures of us up in the ICU, and it makes a big difference to you know, their demeanor. Yeah, they're sick, but they still you know, they need some joy in the midst of the sickness. So I knew the doctor was going to be coming in the next day and a lot of times you don't know because they have rounds and you don't know who was come in and who has to be an ICU that you can't predict what time they're going to do. Round. And so I was just like, I want to be there when decisions are made. And that means I can't change the time that they circulate. But I can make sure I'm there. So when they circulate to her room, I'm part of the decision making process. So they already knew, right in the weather, we had to put a chair and a foot stool and I bring my little snuggly with me and go to my trunk, like I'm living out of my truck, I bring it back in there. And then I bring her her little neck pillow and make her feel comfortable. Bring her a special one. So she, you know, have a little few things that, you know, she's in the hospital, but you can still be a little bit more comfortable than you are. And we just have a little is like a little camp out.

J Smiles: 40:48

Absolutely.

Ecclectic Dawn: 40:49

You know, she was more agreeable when the doctor came the next day didn't change her condition, but it helps to change her, her demeanor a little bit because like he said, they are afraid and is not home. And usually the air is chilly because they want to keep down, you know, bacteria. And, and it's not, you know, it's not a vacation resorts. Even if it's the cleanest place you could be. But

J Smiles: 41:13

No it's not yeah, you just want to bring them some comfort Right. And the nurses are coming in like every hour and a half they're coming in so you're not even getting good sleep. I know one time I had a nail tech come in and give my mom a pedicure. The nurses were looking at me, they were like you are something else. I said you have no idea. If she did not have food restrictions, if whatever we were in hospital for did not have dietary restrictions. I would you know, in moments, I would say hey, you know, that's it for the hospital food. Where do we want we get a steak, we get us a nice piece of salmon or you know, you want some shrimp? What are we doing? We get a real meal. I'm going to order it and I'm gonna go pick it up or what have you. And we're going to then I would get someone like can someone bring me by a real plate, go by my house or bring me from your house. Just bring me a real plate, and some real silverware. And I'm gonna put this food that I've picked up from wherever from Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, from Friday's, from Chili's for whatever. And I'm just putting on this plate, and we're going to eat a meal that feels like we made that high. But those kinds of things do make a difference. Like what you're saying with the neck pillow, all of that matters. Because their emotional state is kind of the only thing you have control over. And and you don't have 100% control. But there is some motor come of control, to hopefully round out their fears, and lean into them having a comfortable moment here in there. So did you ever have her in your home?

Ecclectic Dawn: 42:54

Yes, I did. When she, when her heart, she had three heart conditions. And at one point it gotten to the point where, you know, her legs were swelling. At first, she was doing pretty good. But then it got to a point where the medication kind of it capped off with the amount that she could take. And so her legs started retaining lots of water. And usually you'll have edema in the ankles. But it started to, you know, escalate up to her leg, even up to the knee where if you would press it would. And that's one of the ways they would measure it. If you press the skin and the skin bounces back, then that's a pretty good sign. But if you press the two fingers in and it makes it a depression, that doesn't come right back out, then that means you have a lot of fluid. Okay, so she, yeah, so she had a lot of fluid and she was becoming more uncomfortable. The fluid was also in her lungs. And she came with me, she wouldn't have really been able to get out of the house if she remained, you know in, in the home we grew up with. And so she said she wanted to come down and my brother and I live in the same area. So she just wanted to come down. And I think sometimes we know certain things about ourselves that we may not be willing to admit to other people. And so that was what she wanted. I said, not not a hard request at all. So when it got her she had gone to rehab and then she was in the hospital and they were just like you are in very in a very delicate condition in order for you to travel out of state we want to give it a week to make sure you're not going to relapse and have to come back to our hospital because you will be going to another hospital out of state and they wanted to monitor. So what we did, and my dad was agreeable to it, I stayed in a hotel with her for weeks, with her legs elevated. So she only really got up to go to the restaurant so that she could travel. Now I was the only girl and made it possible for her to be able to do that. And then, and she was able to travel down here, and, you know, no salt diet, which I stopped using salt a long time ago, there's so many other things you could flavor food with, and just, you know, just given her some extra TLC, because it her condition have progressed to the point where I think I mentioned, you know, there comes a time when the insurance companies say, if you're this age, then the amount that we would spend a fifth for $50,000 or $100,000 procedure versus your life expectancy, your projected life expectancy is not going to match.

J Smiles: 46:09

Right, so they decide

Ecclectic Dawn: 46:11

And then also, to be fair, I will say, also, your loved one could be sick to the point where maybe the blood pressure is too high for procedure, and they don't want to take the risk for your blood pressure to you know, escalate to where it can't be controlled on, you know, the operating table. So these are the kinds of things that caregivers have to hear. And then still kind of somewhat balance and kind of present to the patient. Because, you know, sometimes doctors have time to kind of dress it up and sometimes they don't. But then also to be there to be able to say, what is it that you want, we will try to do what you want. But here's what this scenario would look like. And here's what the other one would look like and kind of, you know, let them kind of put their input in, and then you put your input in. I don't think it's easy for a caregiver because we we don't want to see them give up. Even if they might feel like giving up and even if it's their right to want to give up. We don't really want to see that. So I think being objective I'm saying being objective, and nurturing and informed. And all of those things come into play. And then also being honest with yourself, because you know, being a caregiver, and I don't want to say take a toll on you. I believe that, you know, I I believe that um you know, as the first commandment was promised to honor your mother and your father.

J Smiles: 48:03

Correct

Ecclectic Dawn: 48:04

And so it wasn't something I'd be grudged it was something I considered to be an honor.

J Smiles: 48:11

Okay

Ecclectic Dawn: 48:11

But even in it being an honor, it can take a toll on you as well.

J Smiles: 48:18

Okay

Ecclectic Dawn: 48:19

Now because you're trying to not only be your person, but you're trying to be the person they need you to be and to uplift them. And so

J Smiles: 48:29

What kind of ways did it, what kind of ways did it take a toll on you did? Could you see and feel it in the moment when it was happening? Or can you just notice it now looking back on that time?

Ecclectic Dawn: 48:45

I think I saw in the moment umm, yeah,

J Smiles: 48:49

What did it, what did it look like?

Ecclectic Dawn: 48:51

I saw it in the moment.

J Smiles: 48:52

What did that toll look like?

Ecclectic Dawn: 48:57

It looks like maybe you being tired, maybe more than you normally would have been. It may look like you and I'm not saying this in a bad way at all. It may look like you're not you putting their happiness, you know what they need, what will make them smile over something you would normally do. And it's not that you begrudge it, but it's just something that, you know, that's just part of being a caregiver. And so at one point, I said, I have to, I have to balance this thing. Because, you know, you love your parents immensely. But there's a peace of balance to it because I never want it to get to the place where I was resentful. I know because I didn't want to be resentful. You know, if it was like, I don't want this for dinner. I I want that, you know, let me do it with grace. We would have a splurge day where we knew she loved chicken livers. So even when I was coming to see her in the hospital because they didn't have where she was, I would bring in my trunk smell like a restaurant, chicken livers, some freshly done chicken salad. That's what she liked. I would always bring her I think about in her last five years, I would bring her two dozen roses. And the first time I did it, she got really, she got really not afraid but she was like, why are you giving me these roses? Do you know something? I don't know. Did you have a premonition? Am I gonna die? Wow, no, no. I said, I believe that you give people their attributes and honorariums while they can live and still smell them. So I just honor you, you know, when I see a beautiful flower, and I see that you can enjoy them, and you're there your favorite kind of roses. That's what you know, that's what I'd like to see you enjoy. So no, was the first time it took her off. But then after that, every time I would come see her. Before she came to stay with me, I would always bring her two dozen roses. And then she was like, okay, yes. Okay.

J Smiles: 51:21

I just need you to explain to me that this is not a sign. Right

Ecclectic Dawn: 51:25

Yeah, exactly. And when she came, see, we don't kind of mince words, too much more tactful, but students like, am I gonna die? I was like, not that I know. And she said, Would you tell me if I knew if you knew. And I said, I don't know, I don't know that I would. But I said, I don't have that feeling. I said, I don't have that feeling. Because she asked me, I said, I don't have that feeling. I think that even though you're a caregiver, that you should select something for yourself, that brings you joy, as well as you making the effort to bring joy to your loved one. I think that your demeanor, and your vibe are picked up. And so, you know, sometimes you can serve with joy. And then even though you love the person, there may be some days that are so joyful, and you never want to communicate to your loved one, that you're not joyful. And it might be they might be the reason why. So I would do things for her that brought a smile to her face. And, you know, I had just begun to start to travel a little bit. And when my mom was here, I knew that she couldn't, and I, you know, so I said, Well, what can I do for myself that doesn't take long, that what you know, just give me a few minutes, and that kind of thing. And so I have a sibling that lives in the area. And so, you know, we decided he was like, Well, you know, you need to take a little bit of time and maybe, you know, go out for a few hours, whether you go eat by yourself or something. And I'll come and stay with mom. She would laugh cuz she said is my babysitter coming. And she's like, as my babysitter come in, and then they will have a good old time. And I just get out for a few hours and come back. And then you know, it rejuvenates the caregiver. One of the other things I did was, you know, what, take her out, and you know, and it's a blessing that they could get out. She couldn't do the walking and that kind of thing. But even sometimes I would just take her for a drive. And she's like, no, that's too much to get a coat on and stuff. No, it's not. You're just gonna be sitting there. I'm gonna ride you around so you can see some sights and that kind of thing. You know, so and so I kind of tried to balance it. So one of the things I did for myself is I was like, Okay, I'm a I'm a connoisseur of vino,

J Smiles: 54:07

Okay. (laughter) I also like vino soror.

Ecclectic Dawn: 54:13

Alrighty then, this place was only 10 minutes from the house. Okay, and so for my birthday, I kind of blessed myself with a membership, beautiful grounds to sit on the deck and look out and that kind of thing. Maybe an hour. And she's like, I'm good. I'm watching my favorite show. I've had my dinner, I've had my lunch and stuff, you know, going here, take an hour, don't even worry about it. And then I go out and do that and just come on back, you know, okay, so I believe that you know, as a caregiver, if you can, and also if you know of a person who is a caregiver and you're not a caregiver. I would just hope that people would say, Hey, can I, you know, just come by for an hour while you run out?

J Smiles: 55:15

Correct

Ecclectic Dawn: 55:16

Like I think that is

J Smiles: 55:18

If someone just made that offer

Ecclectic Dawn: 55:20

Yes because I think a lot of times we don't want to ask, that should feel like the imposition, or we're trying to, you know, kind of push somebody off on that. It was like, No, you know, you just might need some fresh air, but you also want to make sure that your loved one has a person there to feel safe with, you know, and not that, you know, and so that goes a long way into rejuvenating the caregiver. So when they come back, they can continue to care and they've een refreshed. And sometimes he conversation when you're a aregiver, sometimes the onversations that you have I now my mom used to tell me, I as so focused on making sure hat nothing happened to her.

J Smiles: 56:10

Okay

Ecclectic Dawn: 56:10

Sometimes I wasn't as fun was before

J Smiles: 56:17

You became her caregiver. Yeah. Before you became her full time caregiver, she was like, now it's all business. I went, what happened to my Ecclectic Dawn now you like, you know, you're just managing this ship. You know what, I heard that too. There was a, when my, when I first became a caregiver for my mother, it there was actually a lady who was the owner of an agency, who suggested to me at the time, I didn't know if she was trying to just milk me for a little money. I'll be honest, when she said, she was like, if you can afford it, you really should consider having caregivers, even when you're home. And I thought that sounded absolutely ridiculous. I only need someone in the house, when I'm away, once I get home, it's fine,I can handle it. And her basic point is reminiscent of what you're saying, which is that she was lik- you need time to just be Zetty's daughter, if you're only her caregiver. And that's the only hat that you wear when you're around her. What's going to happen is you're only trying to feed her or give her her medicine or help her take a shower or clipper toenails or do our hair or make sure that she's sitting properly or that her back has a pillow behind it. And it becomes much more perfunctory. And you're not doing the giggling in the kitchen and the plan around and watching TV in a more jovial manner. And I thought she was nuts. Now, years later, it probably took me about three or four years to get on board with what her plan was. But yeah, I do understand what you mean.

Ecclectic Dawn: 58:18

Yes

J Smiles: 58:19

Did you ever have a caregiver that was not a family member with your mom?

Ecclectic Dawn: 58:25

Oh, I will say no.

J Smiles: 58:30

Okay.

Ecclectic Dawn: 58:31

I'm trying to say no. I did. No, I did not. I did not. Because I have a daughter. And she would come and and I would say, you know, I had actually, I had a very good family friend, but pretty much like a family member. And then my daughter and my brother. And so if I could tell that she was like, because I still worked full time. So

J Smiles: 59:02

Wow. Okay, so you were working full time?

Ecclectic Dawn: 59:05

Yeah.

J Smiles: 59:06

When you were at work was your mother alone? Or was someone that you just mentioned with with her?

Ecclectic Dawn: 59:14

While she was at the point, she was good. I'll tell you this, she's very savvy, computer savvy in terms of working with the phone and she has paid bills to the phone calls and stuff like that she liked to do. And so she would be like, I'm good. But I could tell when it was like, if I would come home and that wasn't enough. Then I would say you know, to my daughter, hey, can you you know, can you kind of hang out with grandma? And she would say yes. And that's what made me notice the difference because the whole time they were together there would be a lot of laughing and giggling and stuff. kind of thing. And it made me think of myself. Wow, just like you, like you said, I was like, Wow, I'm not doing all that laughing and giggling and, and I wasn't, you know, upset about anything, but I was like, Okay

J Smiles: 1:00:14

You were taking care of you, your daughter hat had been removed, and you were wearing a caregiver hat. And it is a very tough thing I was sharing with one of my friends in the world of comedy, just how many hats I have to switch on and off any given day, especially now, with how often I am home, I have created a home studio, I have a home office, my mother lives with me. Therefore, if I'm not traveling, and I don't have any meetings outside, I can do all of my digital things. I have a whole photo studio in the house. So I can handle all of my digital things, everything for J smiles on the podcast, I can also handle everything that I do in terms of philanthropy, and the things that I have for my sports collection, that can all be handled in my more traditional office space. And then I'm always pseudo, a caregiver for my mom, because even if one of my professional caregivers are here, at any moment Ecclectic Dawn, I can get a text that says, Your mom is asking about you, or your mom just seems a little down or she's not communicating as clearly right now. Or she's not eating as quickly, or she doesn't want to drink her juice. And all the caregivers know, if my mother sees me or I interact with her, everything gets better because I'm her baby. And I'm the only person on Earth right now that she remembers their name and their face and everything else. So of course, if I'm if I'm in the dwelling, and I get the text, I'm going up there. So that means I'm in the middle of I might have done a podcast. And then I could have a Zoom meeting with somebody from the Smithsonian about to deal with something with my sports collection, then I get a text after that, that says your mom won't drink her juice, and I go up there. And so then I'm JG so in a span of an hour. I could have those different hats and then I'm exhausted. And then somebody's like, well, how's it going? Well, shit, I don't know if you want to answer. Because even though technically nothing went wrong, nothing went wrong, but emotionally, I'm spent because I had to be three very different personalities of myself and what are you supposed to do? But I'm a caregiver. And I'm my mom's only caregiver. I don't have any siblings. I've never been married, I don't have any kid, so that's it and my pops deceased. So I, I fully understand what you're saying. And I hope that you're sharing my sharing is assisting others who are listening on the in the Parenting Up family to know that it is hard that what you're feeling is justified. That as a unit, we see you, we hear you, caregivers all around the world, because I think at this point, I think we're in 21 countries now. Caregivers all around the world, we have to lock arms virtually, emotionally, and know that we can make it through this because our hearts are in the right place. We're doing the best we can and we chose to be caregivers. That's something else that I think is so special, Dawn, that doesn't often get celebrated. No caregiver is legally bound to do it. Not one of us. Every single one of us accepted this responsibility for something other than love or money. We are not getting paid and we're not gonna go to jail. If you if you if you walked away from your mama, or if I walked away from my mama right now, nobody can put me in jail. And whatever. I mean, people could talk about me in the street, but whatever. I mean, people they're probably people talking about me in street or something right now. Anyway. So yeah, so go ahead. I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:04:57

No, that's okay. Like I said it's a labor love. To me it was it was an honor. Like I, it was my, it was my honor to to just be there for her. I remember, she was in the hospital because she already had when she was with me she had pneumonia. And so when you have asthma and a heart condition, and you know her, her health was starting to decline, it was much more serious than, you know, somebody who, who didn't have those other complications. And so she was in the hospital, and it was around Easter. And so I umm, I'm a little on the silly side, but that's okay. And so we went to her hospital room, and she was asleep. And so we had just gone to the dollar store and bought these beautiful bunny ears. So we're like, oh, she's not awake so we put them on. So when the nurses came in to give her her medicine, like we snuck in here and put them on, and then you know, she was asleep, but we're taking pictures with our stuff we have on here and then on other stuff. And so when the nurses come in to give her her night meds, she's here with these bunny ears on and I'm pretty sure they said something cuz she called and she was like, now who put these things on? Oh, I we don't know. Right. And I, you know, like she could work her phone and stuff. So then we sent her all the pictures we had taken because, you know, she was in the hospital and she was getting a good sleep. I'm not going to wake you up. We just wanted to know, wanted you to know, we'll come by and we'll come back, you know, tomorrow and get a good night's sleep. But we we left you a little something so yeah, so then I sent her the pictures and she was laughing she's like, I can't believe you.

J Smiles: 1:06:51

There's proof that you were there

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:06:53

Exactly

J Smiles: 1:06:54

I love it.

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:06:55

Yeah, exactly.

J Smiles: 1:06:56

I love it

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:06:56

Nobody else was gonna do something crazy like that.

J Smiles: 1:06:59

Just like I know that was my baby girl because right nobody else would do this mess. But I bet she kept them on. I bet she didn't take them off either. She probably kept them on all night.

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:07:10

She did. She actually did.

J Smiles: 1:07:12

Yeah because there's something special to those, those connections that we have. It does matter those soft moments. There are times to be hard and there are times to be soft and only we can do it, the family members can do it. Those of us who are caregivers, those of us who are parenting up, we can get away. Like I can get away with tickling my mom under her neck right now. At my age and add her age have anybody else even came near her neck, they would get cussed out. She might I mean she they would get to elbow. But I get stop it JG stop it girl, you're so silly. You know what I mean? So she plays back with me because I'm a child, I can get away with something other people cannot. But that stuff creates a laugh. And I don't I'm not a doctor. But I know I've heard that those are positive endorphins. And those things matter. I believe like my mom's while the disease has continued to progress. Her spirit has remained very light and very positive and very jovial. And I am so grateful for that Ecclectic Dawn. I cannot say that enough. I can't stress it enough. So many people on her medical team and family members in France who come to visit all recount, wow she looks great, her smile is great, her eyes look look great, like her her energy is great, and I first and foremost, give that to the on high. But I also say that it's the direction of energy that I've been given to say no matter what. Keep doing those silly things. You know, I tease with her, I laugh with her. I'm not serious about anything around her. The only thing I'm serious with her about is making her take her medicine. She can chew and swallow. She has forgotten to swallow a pill. it doesn't register with her that a pill is something to swallow. So if you put a pill on her tongue, she just swallows the water or the juice and leaves the pill in her mouth. So I have to crush it up and put it in the food. And I make all kinds of funny games about what it is. So I tell her as I'm just because she's watching everything that I do with the food because she follows me around whenever she sees me because I'm her baby. So she's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm putting good seasoning. It's gonna taste so sweet. And bless her heart. She doesn't even remember enough. She knows if I say it's gonna be delicious and I make a good face, she's just responding to my face and if then I'm happy. But the word sweet and delicious doesn't translate to her palate because girl, you know, gunwale when I'm spreading that medicine, I know sweet potatoes, or in the macaroni cheese is not making it sweet and it does not make it taste good. But bless her heart, she doesn't remember that, or our palate doesn't translate that disconnect, thank goodness for me. But keeping it funny and keeping it silly, because the disease and her health decline is nothing funny about that. But I can find funny moments to keep her laughing along the way. The last question for this interview, and I tell you what I'm going to have, Dawn I'm going to have you back because we didn't even get into your father. So it has gonna have to be a part two to Eccelectic Dawn, at least a part two, who knows maybe you'll end up being on here seven times, because you have so much information around patient advocacy and being a caregiver. But what is it

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:11:06

That would be awesome

J Smiles: 1:11:06

Thank you, yeah, yeah. What is it that you think most people do not know about patient advocacy for the elders? Something that you think in your time working in the field of being? What was the title again, medical

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:11:29

claims examiner

J Smiles: 1:11:31

Thank you. Right, I was like, I was like, it has multiple words to it when I mess it up. Being a medical claims examiner. It look and being a delta. Okay, so that means you a community servant and activist by nature and then caring for both of your parents, what you've witnessed. What is it that many of us just either don't get or just haven't seen or just unaware of?

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:11:57

Well, I'm not going to go too in depth, because I want to come back as a speaker.

J Smiles: 1:12:03

Oh yeah

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:12:04

I will tell you, it is worth it, to do some research. And what I mean by that is, we live in an age where we have so much information at our fingertips. And if we just use, I'll even say the cell phone, and we're only using that for entertainment or I would even say business and not to research something, we're doing ourselves a disservice. And we're also, you know, we could be doing more in the area of advocacy, just to know, some more basic things. In terms of terms, medical terms, there is not a, I'll tell you a little tip, any pill that you take that is prescribed, you don't even have to know the name of it. If you go up in the search bar, and you just put the series of numbers in it. It automatically pops up.

J Smiles: 1:13:21

What do, what do you mean?

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:13:22

Automatically pops up

J Smiles: 1:13:24

Okay, pause for one second, Ecclectic Dawn. What do you mean series of numbers? What numbers?

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:13:30

Okay, if you take, let's just say anytime your parent gets a prescription, and they have pills, and the pills are in a bottle, sometimes it'll have the little line in it, where you could cut it in half if they're able to take less of the dosage, but there's always some identifying feature on it.

J Smiles: 1:13:49

Oh, you mean like the numbers actually on the pill?

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:13:52

Yes

J Smiles: 1:13:53

Wow. Okay,

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:13:55

Yes, you don't even have to put the name of the pill in, all you have to do is put the number right up in the search bar of your phone and it will automatically bring it up. The color of it, the name of it, the manufacturer, what it's used to treat, what the Contra indication are, all of that.

J Smiles: 1:14:16

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you are talking something special? Okay, well, you're going to get some more because that's fancy to me. Because I can always put my hand on one of the pills and type that into my phone. Thank you so much.

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:14:38

Yeah. And then it will even show you the different colors that it may come in the different strengths, whether it's the brand name or the generic, and all of those kinds of things. So I'm just saying just something little like that, that we can use Use our phone for there is so much more. If a procedure is suggested, if something is suggested, we can do some of the background knowledge on that, so that we're informed so that when we have to help make a decision. Or in some cases make the decision, we don't have to spend the weekend hear what the provider or practitioner has to say. But we can have background knowledge to have a conversation to assist us in the decision making.

J Smiles: 1:15:43

Absolutely, absolutely. And I like the idea that I can have information on hand whenever I needed to calm my nerves. Because there are times that my mind can go a little too far with what ifs and questions. And the thought that I could get that much detail, especially when you said around the Contra medications, and potential conflicts of anything, right? Anything that could cause reactions or interference in her body. That that is what really would get me excited to know, because those are the things that often gets missed with the elderly, because by the time you know, by the time you're in your 60s, chances are you're taking more than one thing, at least in the United States. For the parenting up family, you may be in other countries in the United States, most of us are on more than one thing in by the time you're in your 60s you on a handful of somethings, and so to and then there's so many of our physicians are not speaking to one another. Which is another whole, that's another whole episode by itself. If the primary care is not fully aware of understanding what the specialist may have prescribed, then or what the hospitalist may have prescribed, because we are there for some very acute, new activity that's happening in the body, then what are we supposed to do, we don't even know what all is happening inside the body, there's this new ailment, and now we have two or three new medicines that are coming in through IV. So they are getting to the body Fast and Furious and we're not even really sure of what all the complications may be from the reactions in the interaction. So that's awesome. So thank you, thank you so much. Well, you will definitely be invited back. And I appreciate it so much. And we have at least two other topics, one, your caregiving journey with your father, as well as a deeper dive just across the board with patient advocacy, because we both would like to dig into state legislative advocacy. We've talked about that offline saying how we can push some state houses to actually put some stuff on the books around advocacy, especially for elders and hospital care and what is happening. I would like to call it maybe like some foundational laws that say, no matter what, we won't let it go below this was the floor. This will not happen. If there's some cognitive decline or some impairment for an elderly person, I guess you don't have to be elderly. Just there's some impairment for a patient at a hospital or in a facility there is a baseline of what will not happen to them, or what cannot happen to them in terms of how they're being treated without having a patient advocate there for them.

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:19:24

Yes

J Smiles: 1:19:26

Okay. Well, thank you so much Ecclectic Dawn, it's been a pure pleasure.

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:19:33

And thank you for having me J smiles. I have it's one of my passions, and I would absolutely love to come back and dive in a little deeper.

J Smiles: 1:19:46

Well, it will happen it will happen. So the Parenting Up family is going to really be able to utilize this information in a great way so you have a good one. Take care honey.

Ecclectic Dawn: 1:19:59

Okay

J Smiles: 1:20:00

Okay, bye bye. The Snuggle up- Number one- Patients have rights. Your ello is a patient. empower them. Believe them when they say something hurts stuff and then feel right, that they squint that they went. They start walking funny. Trust it. Number two- be nosy snoop around when your ello is in the hospital. Find out if other people with a similarly situated disease or ailment are getting different treatment, different medications. What about at a rehab facility and assisted living? Check into it. Number three- teach other people to be advocates as well. Not just for ellos, not just for the infirm, healthy people, people younger than you, your siblings, anybody. Tell them Hey, next time you go to the doctor's office, take your cell phone, a pencil and a paper write notes. Better than that, take your questions already written down. So that when you get in, you don't become discombobulated or stressed out because maybe they had you waiting too long. You gotta hurry and rush is gonna be traffic. Be prepared. This is your life. Number four- Parenting Up has a live internet talk show. You can come grab a spot and talk to me on video. As questions, share your story an join the community of caregiver worldwide. As we lock arms an get through this thing togethe on getvokal.com Mondays at 7pm astern in the United States. We eep the Parenting Up caregiving ontent coming on YouTube, acebook and Instagram. As well o to www.jsmilescomedy com and sign up for Parent ng Up newsletters, that's it for now Parenting Up family. Thank ou so much for joining me. Pl ase review the podcast. Share t with someone. Subscribe so yo can continue to get these tips, tricks, trends, and truth. Reme ber, I'm a comedian. Alzheime 's is heavy, but we ain't got t be