A plane, a boat, a monkey: Our Love Circus - A convo with Yvette McNally, pt 1

Yvette: 0:00

Their house at the time sat on a golf course and so my mom was sitting on the couch watching TV and she said, Oh, I think it's so interesting how they have the men in the tree, like cutting the tree. She just moved in and so this must have been the first year that she was just like, Oh, I didn't know. Maybe they do, you know, but there was looks, sh was like, I don't see it. Yo know, she's like, okay, maybe did see it. Maybe they're down But then my mom calls in, h r daughter was like, hey, look t all the men in the tree. Why o you think they have so many? A d so she you know, Lauren i like, I'm not sure Nina an that's what she told her mo , like I don't see anybody n tree

J Smiles: 0:40

I don't see trees. I don't see any person in the trees.

Yvette: 0:41

Right? So that's when Lauren calls me was like something doesn't seem right.

J Smiles: 0:48

Parenting Up- caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for the well being of my mama. For almost a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her, and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with the heartbeat. Spoiler Alert- I started comedy because this stuff is heavy, be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, OGs, village members trying to just prop up a caregiver, you are in the right place.

Zetty: 1:20

Hi, this is Zetty. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Is that okay?

J Smiles: 1:32

Today's episode, a plane, a boat, a monkey? Our love circus, a conversation with Yvette McNally. Part One. Wow, this is exciting. This person that I'm going to introduce you to is near and dear to my heart for two reasons. First, another HU alarm,I know. Listen, it ain't my fault that we're great and we're grand. But we have another thing in common, dementia. Dementia, Alzheimer's, dementia related diseases that have really affected our moms. Her first name is Yvette, that's my mom's name. With that I will introduce you to Yvette McNally. How you doing?

Yvette: 2:25

Hey, Jay, I'm good. How are you?

J Smiles: 2:28

HU, HU.

Yvette: 2:28

You know, you know.

J Smiles: 2:30

You know. What. I'm so excited about it. Now your mom who's no longer with us? Okay, not in the physical form.

Yvette: 2:40

Okay, passed away. A couple years ago.

J Smiles: 2:41

Not in the physical form. Not in the physical form.

Yvette: 2:43

Not in the physical form. Always in my heart.

J Smiles: 2:44

Exactly, I want the listeners know that as they prepare to listen to this episode. And she had a form of dementia that is very uncommon, Lewy Body.

Yvette: 3:00

Yeah.

J Smiles: 3:01

Now we're going to talk about that in a little bit, but I just want people to understand that so as we're talking, when you describe the symptoms, it may sound a little unique, because I'm typically talking about Alzheimer's, that's another set, a list of things. So yeah, let's get right into this. What was going on with your mom they made you say, Hey, listen here, everybody stop it now. My mom is looking a little funny, acting a little funny, and we go have to go to the doctor.

Yvette: 3:34

You know, it was actually just that. More so not necessarily looking but acting because to the common eye she look like my mom, sounded like my mom, but the things that she was saying weren't her. It started in March of 2015, she was actually on a trip visiting my brother, my baby brother, her son and his family. My sister in law just had twins, which is interesting because my brother is actually a Twin. Twins run in our family. So she had gone down to, you know, see her new grand number three and four for that five boys. So she went down to number three and four. And...

J Smiles: 4:13

One moment Yvette when you say went down, so that means she was traveling.

Yvette: 4:17

Yes, she travels. She was her retired, so that was her thing. She went to Houston as often as possible, that's where the grandkids were.

J Smiles: 4:25

So was she traveling by herself?

Yvette: 4:27

She was traveling by herself.

J Smiles: 4:28

She was well enough to?

Yvette: 4:29

She was well enough, oh yeah.

J Smiles: 4:31

To leave and go by herself to go and visit her latest set of grands?

Yvette: 4:35

Yes, she was. well enough. My mother in her retirement, It was probably busier in retirement than she was when she was running a school district. So yeah, she was in retirement and between hanging with her friends and being on committees, in in an organization, she made time to take trips to Houston to visit her grands. So this was that trip. They had they were born in December. I think she had gone out there in January, but this was like the next trip it was it was March, where she was going out, you know, a couple of weeks out, help my sister in law out...

J Smiles: 5:14

Ok.

Yvette: 5:14

Visit with all the grands and help her out with the twins.

J Smiles: 5:17

And she was coming from California?

Yvette: 5:19

And she was coming from California.

J Smiles: 5:20

That's a significant flight.

Yvette: 5:22

Significant flight, she flew down, my brother got her. She was there probably for about a week before things went left. Also in Houston is one of my best friends who I grew up with here in LA, she and her husband relocated to Houston a few years back. So whenever we any of us go to Houston, we also make time in our schedule to make sure we visit with her. And so this was a part of the trip when my mom went to spend a day or two with Lauren, my best friend. Lauren just noticed like, something's not quite right with mom, it didn't seem you know, she's I'm not sure but something doesn't seem right. And for my mom, the way it came on, it was hallucinations. Like she kind of saw things. So it was a little bit of having to but in the beginning and that particular weekend.

J Smiles: 6:13

Okay, well, hold on, hold on now. So, okay, now. Alright. I'm a daughter, your daughter? I haven't met your brother. So I'm not trying to slam into any any guys listening. But your mom was with your brother for a week.

Yvette: 6:26

Yeah.

J Smiles: 6:27

And it seems like your brother didn't call you and say anything different about your mom, your mom then went to visit your good good girlfriend. Which first of all this was I think that's really cool that you have a girlfriend that, you know, you grew up with. I got some friends I am friends with, but I don't know that my mom would leave and go visit them that I mean, that's just super cool. So shout out to Lauren.

Yvette: 6:50

Yeah, yeah.

J Smiles: 6:50

Okay. So she anyway, your your mom got to vist your girlfriend.

Yvette: 6:53

You'll understand. See I am not in a soroity, but she is a delta.

J Smiles: 6:57

Okay. All right then. Soroar. Okay, all right. Listen. Absolutely.

Yvette: 7:03

And families is like the fifth grade, sixth sixth grade.

J Smiles: 7:06

I love it.

Yvette: 7:07

That's how it's been.

J Smiles: 7:08

I love it. Shout out to all the sororities. So your mom would just hang out with your best friend for a couple days.

Yvette: 7:15

Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

J Smiles: 7:16

And your best friend calls you saying something's not quite right with your mama.

Yvette: 7:23

Right. And I think that and as you know, my brother, when we look back like even he says like, maybe I'm not sure because it was. It was like oddities, like so what Lauren had recognized that the first night she spent the night. The next morning, my mom came in the kitchen and she was like, Oh man, I gotta had a little fright last night. And Lauren's like what happened mom and she was like, God, I woke up in the middle of night and I thought there was like a man in the in the bedroom. She was like, I was scared. I didn't want to wake you guys. So I just, you know, he just sat in the corner and she was like, What? And they went in the bedroom. And Lauren's father had been visiting the week prior.

J Smiles: 8:06

Okay.

Yvette: 8:06

So I guess he had left like a shirt and like a hat. Like kind of sitting on top of the neck of like, you know, an upright vacuum cleaner.

J Smiles: 8:14

Ahhh.

Yvette: 8:15

What they saw was they said she's like, Mom, is this what you're talking about? And mom was like I guess that's what it was, it scared me.

J Smiles: 8:22

A silhouette. S

Yvette: 8:23

So silhouette. So you know Lauren's like okay, weird, but haha it was a hat dad's shirt. So they laughed it off. Later in that day, they were sitting in the kitchen, talking. And I think Lauren had to have a mom and asked her, oh, you know, we run some errands. I want to go pay like my Nordstrom's bill because my parents are from the era where they still go into the store.

J Smiles: 8:45

Listen, I'm gonna tell you what, that's one way to count your money. Okay, that is they do a bit too. They haven't been caught for senior fraud. All right.

Yvette: 8:54

That's right.

J Smiles: 8:54

So listen, listen...

Yvette: 8:56

No senior fraud over here.

J Smiles: 8:56

Okay.

Yvette: 8:57

You'd like to go in the store stand at the counter with

J Smiles: 9:01

With envelopes. Did she have her money in the envelopes?

Yvette: 9:03

Exactly. You know, given a little bill and pay it right there.

J Smiles: 9:08

Listen, get a receipt thing that says zero due.

Yvette: 9:10

Shopping two for one. I'm a pay the bill on the shop and do all that. We didn't reall mess about online, you know, a much as we tried to. So, she told Lauren, is you know, th y're at Nordstrom's. I had to pa . You know, let me write the ch cks this month. Sure mom, we ca do that. And when Lauren notice that when she was writing th check, it was just kind of lik it wasn't like a five minute hing. Like take the checkbook ou , write. It was, kept seeing o scratch and scribble and rite another check and she was l ke, Okay, I don't know, m ybe she didn't have her glasse , I'm not sure. So that was like the second just kind of like, okay, something doesn't seem r ght.

J Smiles: 9:45

Just a few minutes ago, you said your mom had run a school district. So what did your mom do before retirement? You said something about the school district..

Yvette: 9:52

She was in a.. She was an educator.

J Smiles: 9:54

Ok.

Yvette: 9:54

So started as a teacher and she was a counselor, bilingual coordinator and Um, she at when she retired, she was the director of high schools for LA Unified.

J Smiles: 10:05

Okay. Yeah. So that's an...

Yvette: 10:06

Over, like, over several of the high school. So principals reported to her at that point for several years.

J Smiles: 10:13

So we're talking about a lot of high executive functioning skills. And then you say bilinguals Oh, she's okay. Right.

Yvette: 10:21

Yeah. Yeah.

J Smiles: 10:22

Of course, writing a check to Nordstroms should have been a smooth

Yvette: 10:28

Smooth thing.

J Smiles: 10:29

And easy thing.

Yvette: 10:32

So they got past that. And the third thing when Lauren said, okay, something's not quite thing. By this point. Lauren's kids came home. And at the time, my god kids, they were clueless. And Paige just graduated college. So they were probably ninth and 10th grade, I don't know, they were in high school. And their house at the time sat on a golf course. And

J Smiles: 10:50

Ok. so the teacher, my mom was sitting on the couch watching TV. And she's like, Oh, I think it's so interesting how they have the men in the tree, like, cutting the tree. She just moved in and so this must have been t e first year that she was just like, Oh, I didn't know. Maybe they do, you know, but there was looks, she was like, I don't se it. You know, she's like, okay maybe I did see it. Mayb they're down. But then my mo calls in, her daughter was like hey, look at all the men in th tree. Why do you think they hav so many? And so she you kn w, Lauren is like, I'm not ure Nina and that's what she t ld her mom, like I don't see I don't tree. I don't see any person in the tree.

Yvette: 11:32

Right? So then that's when that's when Lauren called me was like, something doesn't seem right. And she kind of ran back to three different instances now ending with this, you know, seeing the man in trees. So I called my brother, we called the doctor. You know, my mom at the time, probably 70. Maybe like 71 or 72. At the time. It gets you know, they consider that a senior. So one of the first things that they'll say is a let's bring around we'll check for urinary tract infection or chest infection.

J Smiles: 12:02

Of course.

Yvette: 12:03

If you have a cold because usually some sort of infection may cause...

J Smiles: 12:07

Hallucinations.

Yvette: 12:08

Sort of hallucination, because they were asking us if you on medication. No, no, seeing things before, you know.

J Smiles: 12:14

Right because she was on the plane flying by herself and she was seeing people in trees. I mean, you can't say that like that to him. But I know that that's that's what I've been thinking in my brain like do you think I would have just let my mama go roaming around the countryside?

Yvette: 12:29

Right? Right, right. So, anyway we get through that week and we get her home, like I fly down to Houston, I bring her back like the plane ride. She's like, stomping like seeing things, she's, you know, it's just it's not going away.

J Smiles: 12:43

It escalated, the hallucinations.

Yvette: 12:45

It escalated, the hallucinations. There was no chest infection, there was no urinary tract infection.

J Smiles: 12:51

The doctors suggest anything once they did not find a urinary tract infection or any other infection. Did they make any suggestion?

Yvette: 13:01

No. But since he was in Houston and it was a emergency, they didn't know at this point. It was she needs to go see a doctor.

J Smiles: 13:08

Gotcha.

Yvette: 13:08

I know. You know, they ask all these different questions. And so that's why we brought her home, went to the doctor right on Monday morning. So now to go back, my mom had been diagnosed probably about four years prior to this with Parkinson's.

J Smiles: 13:27

Okay.

Yvette: 13:27

She had a tremor in her hand, like her hand, like and it wasn't all the time it was either usually when she kind of got upset or nervous, or you would see just a slight tremor, she could function she could hold things, she could you know, it was one of those things she could tell that she knew when it would come on because she would try to, you know, hold or put her arm or it was something that it didn't happen a lot. It didn't, it was almost it didn't cause enough and even when they first diagnosed her with Parkinson's, even the doctors didn't seem to concerned because she didn't have any other other symptoms and even once she was there and actually, I think at one point they started her on a medicine it's like a dual like carpet dova something of a that didn't even agree with her. They almost felt it was too strong. And she had always had a thyroid. What is it hyperthyroid words low, your thyroid was using lower.

J Smiles: 14:23

Okay.

Yvette: 14:24

Hyperthyroid, it was kind of contradicting. This is like four years ago with that. So they took her off they monitor. She really saw more endocrinologist more for her thyroid, you know, as long as that kept under control she was good.

J Smiles: 14:37

So she was diagnosed four years before this incident...

Yvette: 14:42

Right.

J Smiles: 14:42

...in Houston with Parkinson's

Yvette: 14:45

Right, Right.

J Smiles: 14:46

But ultimately she, so ultimately but but she really wasn't being treated medically for it. So I was like she wasn't on medication because other than the tremor in her hand sometimes she didn't have...

Yvette: 14:58

Right.

J Smiles: 14:58

Any noticeable decline.

Yvette: 15:01

Right.

J Smiles: 15:01

Ok.

Yvette: 15:01

So she, I think maybe saw her neurologist, like, once every six months. It was almost too I don't wanna say we forgot, but I would say like, I remember the first day, first time we got the diagnosis was like, Oh my god, you know, all I could think of is like was Muhammad Ali.

J Smiles: 15:15

Right? I know that's right. But Muhammad Ali is where we go. I mean that. Yeah, I remember I was like, oh my god. Yeah. Because it's like, it's Muhammad Ali. If you could take Muhammad Ali down then. Oh, my goodness.

Yvette: 15:27

Right. Right. So you know, I'm reading everything, but I'm like, I don't know. I don't see that. No, no, no. Like, okay. tremor, yes, like, so it was just one of those things. And like I said, I want to say like almost a year two or three, I almost had to remind myself like, Oh, Mom has Parkinson's, but it wasn't until like the tremor or if you happen to be sitting with her, but then even that, we kind of noticed the trigger. Like if she got really upset about something, or even just a little hyper excited...

J Smiles: 15:58

It seem to be stress induced, which makes sense,

Yvette: 15:58

It was almost just kind of like you knew, but you kind because it's a part of your neurological system. of forgot and like I said, she was busier in retirement. You know, with the organizations and whatnot and our friends and traveling so it was like it didn't slow her down. So but now that she's home from Houston, we go to the neurologist.

J Smiles: 16:25

And she had this I want to be clear for the for the listeners. To your knowledge, there had been zero hallucinations before this trip in Houston.

Yvette: 16:36

Right To my knowledge, zero hallucinations before this trip. So yeah, so that weekend we come it's like a week, a doozy of a weekend like literally just watching your mom like I'm like, Okay.

J Smiles: 16:47

What just happened?

Yvette: 16:49

What is going on? Think of it now, because she was like, in the bed, she wouldn't sleep. There were bears, it was like a hallucination where it was frightening to her. So now like the tremor is more I mean, he's like, perspiring profusely, like she's scared.

J Smiles: 17:07

Right? Like that had to be very troubling to watch, right? It wasn't a happy hallucination. Like she didn't see unicorns, unicorns, and she wasn't eating fruit loops, right wasn't rainbows. And she was having hallucinations on the plane as well, right on the way back. So that was troubling.

Yvette: 17:22

Right? But then she also knows where she is, who she's with. And so it was, it was frightening to her. But it was also upsetting because it's like, Yvette why aren't you doing anything? So and then..

J Smiles: 17:33

She's like, you see, you see these bears about to attack us? And you're just sitting there?

Yvette: 17:39

Sitting there?

J Smiles: 17:40

I would have been mad with you too, Yvette? I would have said, What are you doing? You need to put up your dukes, you better fight these bears? What I did not raise you to let us get attacked by bears. Right?

Yvette: 17:51

And that's exactly I was like, I didn't know what like, I remember my aunt saying..

J Smiles: 17:55

Like, well which side are the bears on, mama? First of all, tell me where to swing.

Yvette: 18:00

We closed the door and go and be like shoo and then she's like, not there. And I was like, quit that, shoo. Like, it was just like, what am I doing? So now I'm on the I'm on Google on my Web MD. Cuz, you know, it's, it's again, it's the weekend she just went to er, and was like, do I just go to er, I know. They're gonna say the same thing.

J Smiles: 18:20

So she got home from Houston on the weekend?

Yvette: 18:22

So she got home on Friday. Yeah, cuz this happened on Wednesday, third happened like either Wednesday night into Thursday. Lauren, call me Thursday. Yeah. And then we were en route home I met. That's what I was expecting. I met my brother in Phoenix. He flew with her to Phoenix, and I flew and then flew home.

J Smiles: 18:42

And I would like just...

Yvette: 18:42

To get home over the weekend.

J Smiles: 18:44

Just take a moment right here for anyone in the medical world that's listening to this or connected to the medical world to understand how, when we have to wait for the Monday, it is like asking us to drill a hole in our head; you know, with a nail gun. Because when when you have a loved one who is like in your case, Yvette, your mother, she had been diagnosed with Parkinson's, but at this stage, you don't really know what this is. You've already gone to Houston. Your mother had already gone to Houston to an ER and they said Hey, take her to a doctor and so all you really have is you got to wait until Monday.

Yvette: 19:29

Right.

J Smiles: 19:29

You you know people, you're well connected. You got the insurance, that's you just kind of but you got to wait until the system says...

Yvette: 19:37

Wait until monday.

J Smiles: 19:37

Monday at 9am and you're like but but these hallucinations came out of nowhere in like what felt like 18 hours you want me to make 48 more hours.

Yvette: 19:48

Right.

J Smiles: 19:48

The fear that happens on what could unravel and we don't have anywhere to take our seniors or just our loved ones who are having something that we can't describe and they can't explain it. So anyway, continue what it is, i t is super frustrating.

Yvette: 20:09

Super frustrating. When Monday came and my mom woke up she had finally gotten to sleep and she woke up and she was like, I have a headache. I remember my aunt thinking, you think? Like you have a headache? I'm sure you do, because she woke up on Monday and she was..

J Smiles: 20:29

Exhausted.

Yvette: 20:30

She was exhausted, but like the hallucinations wasn't there. And of course, now we get to the doctor and I have to kind of replay it. And she's looking at me like, no, like, she It was weird because she remembered certain things. But again, it's me trying to explain the doctor as it not being real.

J Smiles: 20:46

Okay.

Yvette: 20:47

Now still, to her, it did actually happen. So she was actually telling the story, the plane, I think she's telling story that, that how people brought the monkey on the plane, and I don't understand why. And my daughter just sat there and let the lady with the monkey like.

J Smiles: 21:02

So she's now explaining it...

Yvette: 21:04

She is telling this to the doctor.

J Smiles: 21:05

As if it were a fact.

Yvette: 21:08

A fact.

J Smiles: 21:09

Okay.

Yvette: 21:10

And so as I'm looking at the doctor, like shaking my head, like, seems like oh, and my daughter just thinks I'm crazy. And she's gonna sit there and tell you this. This is like...

J Smiles: 21:19

Okay. In that moment, how are you feeling Yvette?

Yvette: 21:23

Like helpless.

J Smiles: 21:23

When you're listening to your mom, in this time, in this moment, she's calm. She's not in the moment of the hallucination, but she's recounting it as a fact. You're feeling helpless and?

Yvette: 21:37

Just lost at this point

J Smiles: 21:39

Okay.

Yvette: 21:39

And really, you know, and so out of this

J Smiles: 21:43

Yeah. How did they end up diagnosing her with how do they get to the point that is Lewy Body diagnose?

Yvette: 21:49

At this is March 2015. At that point, they had it going through now, did you take anything? I think and now that my mom can actually talk and we're talking about the weekend, it comes up about something comes up without her vertigo, and she took antivert.

J Smiles: 22:07

Okay.

Yvette: 22:08

But she was also I think it was the the there was a medication that she was taking for her thyroid. And so we looked at something and he says, Oh, this could have been a counteraction of the medication.

J Smiles: 22:22

Okay.

Yvette: 22:23

That caused you know the hallucination.

J Smiles: 22:26

Okay.

Yvette: 22:26

So, monitors she seems good now. I mean, she was fine. You know.

J Smiles: 22:31

So the doctor in that moment. Believes they can explain the hallucinations

Yvette: 22:37

Exactly.

J Smiles: 22:37

From a medical...

Yvette: 22:39

From a medical. From her,from her medication for was like okay, no, man,

J Smiles: 22:44

So they like they sent her home.

Yvette: 22:47

Let's label these never take these two medications again. They sent her home.

J Smiles: 22:51

Wow.

Yvette: 22:52

And within like two or three days, everything was back to normal. However, she says that my mom every Thursday play with a girlfriend.

J Smiles: 23:01

Your mom was getting it in. Let me tell you something.

Yvette: 23:03

Every Thursday night, her jack and jill girlfriends all these moms graduated. They played a game called Mexican dominoes. They play with pennies, like..

J Smiles: 23:11

I love it.

Yvette: 23:12

Got together and everything, she went that Thursday.

J Smiles: 23:15

Ok. Right?

Yvette: 23:16

Whatever they take food, one of our friends pick h r up she went, she's telling t em the story of the monkeys on t e plane. But now because a ain, my mom is Adrianna, you k ow, the principal educator, b t she tells the story. They're j st laughing us all day today, d n't and I don't think we had t And even they hadn't known. So but she was able to ld them what had happened yet. recall this story of the people bringing our monkey and can you believe that if we let somebody bring a monkey on the plane with them? Now I'm hearing this after and they're telling me and that's all I know. They let you bring dogs you can bring this.

J Smiles: 23:52

Oh, so for them it was a it was a huge comical conversation.

Yvette: 23:58

Yeah, like Adrian, I can't believe they had a monkey on the plane, like what

J Smiles: 24:02

They probably like say it again. Tell the other table.

Yvette: 24:06

Like I don't hear that I don't get the replay of the story until like

J Smiles: 24:11

Years. Months or a year later or months later when one of the friends said was there ever and I was like what? So anyway, um, so this is March, things are better, we go April, May. My mom back to driving, she's back to meetings. Really?

Yvette: 24:29

I'm like bangs are

J Smiles: 24:30

You like okay, maybe it was the antivert.

Yvette: 24:33

That was March, March 15 visits. April, May, June goes by my mom used to come to my store. She's helped me in the store. I'm watching her like a hawk. Like...

J Smiles: 24:44

But everything's groovy.

Yvette: 24:46

Going to meetings, she's not saying anything out of the ordinary. Now like..

J Smiles: 24:52

The fact that she's driving is a big deal.

Yvette: 24:54

She's driving.

J Smiles: 24:55

Yeah.

Yvette: 24:56

Now her appointments with her neurologists are now probably like, quarterly, like he's asked her to come back like, he's not been on and now I'm going with her like, Oh no, I'm going to appointment.

J Smiles: 25:07

That's right. Right.

Yvette: 25:09

And, and even me, I'm like, yeah, no..

J Smiles: 25:12

Life is back to normal. Maybe, maybe it was a chemical reaction

Yvette: 25:15

Back to normal

J Smiles: 25:16

Due to this vertigo over the counter medication or whatever she took. Right.

Yvette: 25:21

Right. You know, we we have the tremor here and there. Like I said, like our biggest thing, the doctor, she saw the most of the endocrinologist watching her level then, because she had the thyroid problem, you know, that sometimes we always knew where she would lose weight, like no matter what she eats, she would kind of lose in weight. Some people have where it doesn't process like that

J Smiles: 25:40

Like, that's not the one I hear about the most.

Yvette: 25:42

Right, right which that which is actually years ago how we realized that was like, Okay, I know you work out and you look good mom, but uh, you get a little small there. So anyway, things are back to normal. And we're in June, we're up to July. It's right before her birthday. And one of the things that my mom had wanted to do the most always that she wanted to do and that she traveled she wanted to go to Alaska. And she had a counselor that she worked with for years when her good colleagues he passed away years ago, but he had moved from LA when he retired, he and his wife have moved to Alaska. They use to

J Smiles: 26:17

Okay.

Yvette: 26:17

Send her postcards, all the time and she was sad that she never she used to work in she never got never made it to visit him while he was living there. But she was like, I'm gonna go like. Send me these postcar s and like that was where s e wanted to go. She had three t o other girlfriends; I was at yo

J Smiles: 26:35

Going to Alaska. r next door neighbor and one f her best girlfriends, were s t for a cruise that summer f r Alaska. It was all she talk That's right. d about. I was like, okay, y u know, I'm looking things a e looking good. We're goi g shopping. We're getting stu f for the cruise and you know life is good. I bought he birthday gift, bought her a lit le travel journal. And you know, this time I made sure we're gonn separate medications. e checked everything with the d ctor like what can she tak and does the dramamine effect his? Like, you know, we mad

Yvette: 27:06

And the night before she was leaving. Point, my my judge sure right. my brothers are twins at this point. The brother that's here in LA was living at home and his fiance was here at that time, they are married now. He wasn't here, we are just going to say my sister in law cuz she's my sister in law now she calls me. She said mom just came downstairs and gave me like $2500 in cash and told me to hold it and she's about to hop in the shower, and she did want the boys to steal it.

J Smiles: 27:37

Uh Oh.

Yvette: 27:38

I was like what boys? She's like that's what I am saying, I don't know. So I'm like, okay, be there a few minutes.

J Smiles: 27:45

The night before the trip.

Yvette: 27:47

The night before the trip. By the time I get up there, I walk in, my mom's like, hey, hey EV, they call me EV. I am like hey mommy, how are you? She's like I'm good. She's like, I'm almost, I'm almost packed. I'm like, Okay, how you feeling? Oh, I feel good. Blah blah blah. Like, I'm like, Okay. I said Mika mentioned that you, you gave her some cash and she goes yeah, I just figured that you know I gave her the cash because I don't want those boys in there to take the money. Now I'm like what boys, mom? And she's like, you know, those boys in there? I said Oh okay, are you okay? She's said yeah, yeah i am good. So she's literally talking to me. Like, everything is okay. And if I didn't know what had happened before?

J Smiles: 28:29

That's so tripped out because right.

Yvette: 28:31

Like we have little boys stored away in the bathroom

J Smiles: 28:32

She knows you, right. So there's no

Yvette: 28:34

She knows me.

J Smiles: 28:35

She is so clear. She knows you. She knows your..

Yvette: 28:38

She knows that she gave her money, who she gave it to, and why

J Smiles: 28:42

Why?

Yvette: 28:43

Right

J Smiles: 28:44

We have just one small part this that the rest of us don't know that we don't see these little boys.

Yvette: 28:54

So, I'm just like, I call my brothers and I'm like uh mom can't go on this trip. Like, she's talking about little boys, I call her best friend who is a science teacher. The past been in the field of science and biology and, you know, for years two of their good former students are doctors and she knows it. And I'm just like, you know, Pat, like, I don't know, I don't think my mom can go on this trip. You know, she, she does say, you know, it hasn't happened as the first time it happened. But everything else you going to temperature. Like, he was like, you know, Yvette. I mean, it's totally up to you guys. But you know, that is something that your mom and I think she knew. She was like, you know, your mom has been looking forward to, this is all she's been talking about. And you know, this could actually probably be her last..

J Smiles: 29:50

This is the last chance this may be a last chance to do a trip of this magnitude.

Yvette: 29:57

Of this magnitude. And I was I Okay, and then, you know, even my brothers are kind of like, it's kind of interesting. Like both my brothers kind of one would usually be like, no and one would be like let'ssee? We're always kind of like, yes, no one there's always one in between. there's twin, and big sis. Like, and so we're talking and I was like, they're like, well, how does mama other brother he's home by now. And by this time, mom just eating dinner. She talking about the trip and she didn't even mentioned it. She doesn't even notice that we're like, she's fine, she's actually because that's what it was. Were they leaving? They must have been flying because this is it Thursday night. I remember it was Friday. Yeah, so because

J Smiles: 30:41

She was going with several of our girlfriends, that's another part. So is it's not just that she was planning for the trip.

Yvette: 30:47

Right.

J Smiles: 30:47

She was going right with her good good girlfriends. So they are planning to and so what are the.....

Yvette: 30:50

Yeah. Right?

J Smiles: 30:53

Also the chances of the group of them having the time the resources, the plan the calendar to do all of it together?

Yvette: 31:05

Right, right.

J Smiles: 31:06

Yeah. I know that's right. We got to leave with our hair

Yvette: 31:07

So it was interesting, t e cruise actually left out of eattle, so they were gonna h ve to fly to Seattle. That's hat it was, I think they were leaving for Thursday. I remembe because that's what I remembe for the Thursday night becaus all she could talk about as Yvette are you coming he e tomorrow morning or are ou coming here tonight because I have a hair appointment tom rrow. I think she had appoin ment on Friday morning and the they fresh. First of all, like, keep my money it's cash. Okay, cuz I' e listened look, I pay my bill . cash. I won't, I'm taking ca h on this boat. And I'm gonna g t my hair don Right.

J Smiles: 31:44

Yeah.

Yvette: 31:44

So the plan was I think they were flying into Seattle. Her good girlfriend's son, my god brother at the time, he had just gotten a job in Seattle, so they were going to visit him. Stay with him Friday, Saturday. I think the cruise they were supposed to embark on Sunday.

J Smiles: 32:01

Okay.

Yvette: 32:01

So Pat was just like, Look, it's up to you guys, but we got her, you know. We aren't going to let anything happen

J Smiles: 32:09

In one way to for your mom's like back in the day it was hard for her cup buddies for her cup buddies to say we got her.

Yvette: 32:19

Yeah.

J Smiles: 32:20

I mean that would, well that resonates with me and I don't I don't know them. You know, but for her her tight buddies to say, listen, we know what this trip is meant to her and we got and we really want to try. We know this is tricky, we know is risky. You have the ultimate last word, but we want to try, a lot of friends would have said okay, she can't go. We'll send postcards and take pictures. They might not have even wanted responsibility, so shout out to the friends.

Yvette: 32:50

Pat knew about the March incident. And two like how are we going to tell her she can't go because remember, she's not really reasoning. It's not like I can just say hey mom, you basically said there were two little boys in there, there's not little boys in here back in March. You know now what four or five months ago you have, she's never really accepted that that incident in March actually even really happened the way it happened.

J Smiles: 33:17

Well cuz there was a monkey on the plane. Okay, so first of all Yvette there was a monkey on the plane.

Yvette: 33:23

Without us it's looking like like how do we say you can't go on this trip? And then what if like the rest of the week she's fine, you know what I am saying. It was all this finally..

J Smiles: 33:34

That's true. oh my goodness and then what if the rest of the week she's perfectly okay then.

Yvette: 33:39

I said okay. You know what, it just okay, but I'm putting in Lord's hand her..

J Smiles: 33:45

Gotta put your hands up.

Yvette: 33:47

You know they call me they got to Seattle, Seattle was fine no problems. That we got five days I got pictures I literally was like I need pictures and phone calls.

J Smiles: 33:55

I know that's right.

Yvette: 33:57

Pictures of them boarding. Shabbat sent pictures of them getting on the cruise like all everything's fine.

J Smiles: 34:05

It's like sending your baby to the first day of school.

Yvette: 34:09

Right

J Smiles: 34:09

That's right.

Yvette: 34:10

Your first sleep away camp right? So like that. So now they're gone and like it was ust of been like Wednesda or Thursday I get the call fro one of the friends on the ship. Mom ran out the room. I guess i was so early in the morning ma be they didn't hear her get up got out the room. She was ab e to tow out her room find the security or either was going wa dering down the hall found, sec rity or someone had told them hat there was an intruder in t eir room, assaulting them, and a bear and like so they're t inking you know, they're pr bably like drunk like they don't know what's going on. They get her to the ship doctor. T ey have her, they go to a room they get her friends they co e. Like I said the good friend P t kind of explained they sai your mom is just like rembling, terrified. I just you

J Smiles: 34:58

Right. Because she believes it. That's another thing I now, j

Yvette: 35:02

She believe it really want..

J Smiles: 35:06

listeners to understand. For anybody who's listening is that my mom, she was never diagnosed with Lewy Body, but prior to her diagnosis, she did have several very real moments of hallucination. And I can, I can speak on how frightened I was watching how frightened she was. I was scared to death and heart broken, watching her crumble, and I'm thinking it's not even really true and she's falling apart in front of me. And I there's nothing I can say or do to calm her nerves. Earlier when you say you just felt helpless, like in the doctor's office when you saw it happening. And so I cannot even imagine then to Pat and the friends or whoever else was on the trip. And you said this was about three or four days into the cruise?

Yvette: 36:05

Like three or four days into the cruise like I think four days

J Smiles: 36:08

Ok.

Yvette: 36:08

Because she left on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Yeah, it was four days. And they were, it was on the part of the cruise. Like, I don't remember my Alaskan geography, but it was on the part.

J Smiles: 36:20

Honey, you are doing a fantastic job remembering this stuff, you're talking about 2015. Honey, I can't remember what I did this past week?

Yvette: 36:29

Man, like, wherever, like it was one of those things.

J Smiles: 36:32

Yeah, it's your mom. Right. Right.

Yvette: 36:34

I listen to your podcast and you talk about like those stages of grief. And, and so one of the things that you know, I think for me, at one point, I had to like replay everything. So like this whole process and because it happened so quickly, like I've remembered and like there was a point of time where I had to go back to Houston, I had to think before and then like, okay, was there like, what did I miss? Her and I like, we had like that good mother daughter relationship. I mean, we had our our outs, but, you know, we had like, Mommy Monday, like we did movies on Monday,.

J Smiles: 37:08

I know that's right.

Yvette: 37:09

You know, she came to my door like,

J Smiles: 37:11

And you're like how did I miss it?

Yvette: 37:13

Right? I'm like, how did I miss it? And and I had to keep going back like, okay, there were some times that I just thought were signals crossed like, Hey, I thought you were gonna meet me here. No I said to meet me here. Okay, well, alright, well, cool. Well, let's just meet and go.

J Smiles: 37:28

Correct.

Yvette: 37:28

Now I'm thinking like

J Smiles: 37:29

Was that a time? Was that a signal?

Yvette: 37:33

Was that a signal? Like, you know, and there were a few instances, I was like, there was a few instances that actually had led to big arguments like No Mom, I know, I said that we were gonna do this. And she's like, Yvette. But it was like, you know, when I got my full name, or when I got a certain no way did I was like, cut it off.

J Smiles: 37:48

That's right.

Yvette: 37:49

Right.

J Smiles: 37:49

She just said the whole birth certificate name. So let me back up.

Yvette: 37:52

No, I was like, cool, my bad, whatever mom. You know, I'm not gonna argue You know, I'm saying that's how we were raised. You know..

J Smiles: 37:58

You're right. We don't argue with your mama when she say your whole name.

Yvette: 38:02

You know, even though I left a couple times I said that I was gonna do XYZ.

J Smiles: 38:06

Right, you walking out the door or getting in the car, like I know I'm right. I 'm going to let it go

Yvette: 38:11

I know I'm right but I gotta let it go.

J Smiles: 38:13

Right. Okay, so we're back on the cruise.

Yvette: 38:16

So, we're back on the cruise. Like all this is happening, you know...

J Smiles: 38:19

and Pat is explaining to the doctors and or the stadd, her recent history because now you're saying March and July, that's just three months.

Yvette: 38:28

Right. Because I had given Pat one of the things I did do again, like you know, sending your child, I gave pat the, mom had her medication that I knew she could take. I gave Pat like if she needed like the antivert or anything else. She had those so that they knew we knew now from doctor's can't take together. We knew how it had to be done. So we knew that there was like no, she hasn't had any,

J Smiles: 38:50

Ok. you know, of the antivert. She hasn't had any vertigo medications. You know, now I'm looking I'm like, okay, Was it bad salmon? Is the mercury? That's right. Y'all turning this boat around too fast, okay.

Yvette: 39:06

Anything. So I'm like, Okay, do I need to fly there? Like what port?

J Smiles: 39:11

I know that's right.

Yvette: 39:12

What's the next port? They You know, they're not in Juneau like it literally was like, No, because you'd have to do it. It was just gonna be too expensive.

J Smiles: 39:18

Right.

Yvette: 39:20

Again, we got her.

J Smiles: 39:22

That's right.

Yvette: 39:22

They meet us in Seattle,when we come back

J Smiles: 39:25

I know girl. I know, you were probably try to find a helicopter and you were about to just come

Yvette: 39:30

Everything. No I already had they were like oh, you gotta do it. No, but if they were about to be on the port where we know that the fun day at sea, you know, they were at that point where it was turning around. So there's no.....

J Smiles: 39:40

Correct.

Yvette: 39:40

So it was just going to be a day or two days. I think at this particular cruise, it was two days at sea because they were headed back. So they were yeah, they were headed back what must have been Wednesday. When they were headed back to because it was a five day to Seattle. So we'll be back where they were supposed to come to Seattle again. Stay again for the weekend and fly on Sunday.

J Smiles: 40:00

What did you do that for those two days and they were at sea, honey?

Yvette: 40:05

Internet, me and web MD. I'm I'm just again searching mercury. But you know...

J Smiles: 40:10

Right. That's right. I know you got a third Google MD in 48 hour.

Yvette: 40:17

Right?

J Smiles: 40:17

Yes.

Yvette: 40:19

And bought a ticket to Seattle.

J Smiles: 40:20

That's correct.

Yvette: 40:20

hat said I'll meet you n Seattle and she said we get

J Smiles: 40:21

Right, I'll be in Seattle. Don't you worry about o Seattle and we can change our ickets and I'll be in Seattle that.

Yvette: 40:30

Thank you for your help..

J Smiles: 40:32

And give me my mama.

Yvette: 40:36

And J when I got to my god brother's house like my mom was um, she was on like no one could keep her still like she was just walking she was pacing she was again

J Smiles: 40:49

So those last two or three days all the whatever they call in this episode had remained those last 2-3 days

Yvette: 40:58

Remain those last two or three days, they tried to kind of still do some tours and I could even see from the pictures was, you know, they would, they were, they had her. Didn't nobody let her go. She was never without, you know, one person on each side of her. But you can even see in the pictures like her eyes are just so like, hollow just like he wasn't there like it was just like...

J Smiles: 41:18

Wow.

Yvette: 41:19

Who snapped my mom, got to Seattle flew back.

J Smiles: 41:24

Get back to L.A.

Yvette: 41:24

Back to like literally that day like get back to LA. Again have another weekend.

J Smiles: 41:30

Oh my goodness. Another weekend?

Yvette: 41:33

I think we go. I think we did go to ER and then we went to ER, went to the er, went to er. So they could, yes, I'm sorry. We got back as a doctor told me he said, when you get her back, go to Cedar Sinai, go to you know, go to emergency have her admitted. And then yes, then we still didn't see like the doctor until Monday.

J Smiles: 41:51

Monday, Right? But at least you're in there. If they can watch her vitals.

Yvette: 41:55

At the hospital watch her vital they can give her brain hydration, right?

J Smiles: 42:00

Yes.

Yvette: 42:01

That's what they start thinking about dehydration.

J Smiles: 42:03

Of course.

Yvette: 42:03

Now, on that Monday, they're doing MRI they're doing cat scans.

J Smiles: 42:11

Right, the whole work-up.

Yvette: 42:11

I had never prayed so hard for them to find something like that will that'll be the second prayer if you find something right now, please find something and my mom has had that you can remove. Let it be benign

J Smiles: 42:27

You say, Please, I would like her to something, have a mask because she has a tumor. I don't want it to, I don't want it to be cancerous. But lord, if you don't mind, put a mask that they could take out. Because if they don't find anything, then they can't remove it. You know what, I hadn't thought about it like that. But if there's a thing to remove, then that gives us something to work on. If you don't have nothing to work on

Yvette: 42:54

We can start those prayers next. But right now, can we just find something that you can touch, something tangible. That you can say, Oh, it's this right here. We're gonna go in.

J Smiles: 43:04

I know that's right. Because otherwise, I don't understand how March got to this.

Yvette: 43:09

Right?

J Smiles: 43:09

That's right.

Yvette: 43:10

Right. You know, so this is like when all my you know when you say this, the Web MD is the ER she's..

J Smiles: 43:15

all coming together, right.

Yvette: 43:17

All the TV shows, I be like you know when the man went in and they found that they said he was talking crazy. And they were like, Oh, she's got to go, do that.

J Smiles: 43:24

That's right. That's right, superglue, rubber band. And the Nike tennis shoe and they fixed it.

Yvette: 43:30

So there was nothing. And so then that's when they started talking. That's where it got real muddled when it comes down to science and medicine and my brother. He said that nothing to doctors because we appreciate and we love you. He was like they call it practicing medicine for a reason. And that's how we felt because it was like, Lewy body dementia, but so now the Parkinson's comes back that but also in advanced the system and I was like advanced it, we ain'ttalked about Parkinson's and forever now we're advanced and advanced.

J Smiles: 44:06

Like did we ever have moderate?

Yvette: 44:08

Right, is Parkinson related dementia? So then but then they start getting confusing because it's by Lewy body could come first, or could have been part. It was like even to this day, like that part as much as I can recall. Like, I think that I don't even know I could probably go back to my notes. But it was like wait, so what so she has Lewy Body or she doesn't? Are so dementia related to Parkinson's? Or it's not because then that oh, cuz then that's where it was where if they gave her I don't remember all the names of the medications now, but if they treated the Lewy Body with this medication that could trigger Parkinson's where then she can become stiff with the muscles. And again, she hadn't had these parts of Parkinson's where it kind of affects and you're not able to walk or like your muscles different. But now they're saying well if we give her this and treat Lewy body dementia or put her on this power medication that can help calm this can trigger the Parkinson's. But if we just kind of treat for the Parkinson's, I was just like I was confused.

J Smiles: 45:14

You were like, I'm like, first of all....

Yvette: 45:16

Okay

J Smiles: 45:16

First of all, I'd need a better set of options than this.

Yvette: 45:21

Yeah.

J Smiles: 45:22

I'm gonna go outside.and get me a cup of coffee. I'm gonna come back and I need y'all to do better. I need ya'll to do better than this.

Yvette: 45:29

And yeah, so then that was like, this is we're in July.

J Smiles: 45:34

Oh my god, we are still in July? Hold on, Hold on, Yvette. I'm gonna call you EV, like your parents, like your family. Listen, EV, honey, because if we go together now that's that's what I tell the people after we've been through something.

Yvette: 45:47

Right.

J Smiles: 45:47

As I'm like honey, we go together. It could be the people that's coming to fix my cable if they hear more than the two hours and we done started sweating and I got to run out to you know, when the person is all convorted up on everything. They like, ma'am, could you run out, run out to my van and get the clippers? I said, well, sir, we go together, now. If I'm helping, we cook together. Yeah. So listen.

Yvette: 46:10

Exactly.

J Smiles: 46:11

EV, are they saying that the hallucinations, in their opinion speaks more to Lewy body dementia. Does that, is that what goes?

Yvette: 46:23

Yes I think it was Lewy body.

J Smiles: 46:25

Tell us a little bit about Lewy body dementia.

Yvette: 46:28

Beacuse there is more, it's cognitive.

J Smiles: 46:31

Okay.

Yvette: 46:31

And also because my mom could like she remembered everyone. I mean, she remembered a crew, she could tell you certain things. So there wasn't a memory loss. There wasn't it wasn't Alzheimer's.

J Smiles: 46:42

Okay.

Yvette: 46:42

There wasn't a memory. But it was now it was very it was all cognitive.

J Smiles: 46:47

Hallucinations, delusions and things. Okay.

Yvette: 46:52

Cannot remember July, but let's just say, I know it went really quick. Because now it was like my brother and I like so.

J Smiles: 47:00

That's fine, at some point you say.

Yvette: 47:03

so go away.

J Smiles: 47:04

Yeah.

Yvette: 47:04

And wake up with the big headache like she did back in March.

J Smiles: 47:07

Okay, so this this time it's boom

Yvette: 47:11

We're in it.

J Smiles: 47:11

We're in it. And we were just gonna be caregivers.

Yvette: 47:14

And we gotta be caregivers. And we got to figure out and you know, we're reading and we're in and we got to figure out you know, we got to take all this information and the doctors are confused us with do our own research figure this out, you know, keep our mom safe.

J Smiles: 47:29

At this point is she continuing She has continuing the hallucinations She is continuing to have the hallucinations. And what about the tremors and her physical? Which one

Yvette: 47:40

The treamor is coming

J Smiles: 47:41

The tremor is, is she's able to walk at this point.

Yvette: 47:45

Oh my god.

J Smiles: 47:45

Okay.

Yvette: 47:46

So yeah, so what so July August September, that woman could walk.

J Smiles: 47:50

Okay.

Yvette: 47:51

Like she was walking, w have stairs in our house. Up an up and down step. She would no take, she would like sit to wa ch law and order or whatever s e watched. But then you would ee her, I would know when it w s happening she could sit the e and watch and all of a sudd n and she'd get up and she'd wa k. She would walk to this room a d she'd

J Smiles: 48:09

Now with tech with certain TV shows or something induced the hallucinations

Yvette: 48:14

That will be realized later. But now once the stories are now, once we had a couple instances like you know where we had to eventually like just turn the house and my mom's got a house phone, you know. So yeah, everything is literal we're not realizing until it happens and I would say one night, middle of the night my brother because you know we also like he's always opening the doors always going because to her someone's always at the door.

J Smiles: 48:42

Right.

Yvette: 48:42

Someone's here or she some we got like locks on the door but you know she's still very able she can unlock.

J Smiles: 48:48

She can unlock everything.

Yvette: 48:49

She knows.

J Smiles: 48:50

So, she's able to use the telephone?

Yvette: 48:52

She's able to use the telephone.

J Smiles: 48:54

Oh, goodness gracious.

Yvette: 48:54

She called 911 like she did so many times.

J Smiles: 48:58

What did she tell them? She did call them and say she needed help?

Yvette: 49:02

Called them, she needed help, there's a man up there and the lady is bleeding. J the police came into our house, came to our house. Once, I think we heard her and I was able to get the phone and say I'm so sorry. We told them, supposedly that you're able to kind of, you know, you don't want 911 to never come but you're supposed to be able to say hey my mom has dementia let so they can kind of put you on a list. I don't think that everyone always checks to see that list one night cuz I didn't live here. My brother and his fiance were living here at the time. And one night, you know, they finally got mom to sleep, they got her down. Literally at night we would put chair. like my brother, would barricade the door, because she could get you know, there was no put a top lock or do this.....

J Smiles: 49:50

She could undo all of that.

Yvette: 49:52

She knows

J Smiles: 49:53

So they say first of all, you ain't about to lock me in here. Yeah.

Yvette: 49:57

My brother would literally have chairs you know, we had to go back to the old school. You put like a stick behind like a sliding glass door.

J Smiles: 50:05

Yeah, the broom handle. That's right. Before burgalar alarms, before burgalar alarms, Absolutely. Absolutely Absolutely you, look, you cut t e straw part of the broom off and use the broom handle and lock to lock your slidi g door. Abs

Yvette: 50:20

One night- oh, you know my brother at the time he was doing a postback preparing to apply for a doctorate progr m. He graduated with a communic tions major, with a now, he's taken all these science classes He's a teacher. I'm worki g. His fiance is a teacher. So you know, we're all just m naging this before we had anyo e come into the house. We ad two ladies try to come. They didn't really work. But it was h rd. No one knows. And people yo know, like, ladies constantly having you check a door, yo know, unless like you said it akes a special...

J Smiles: 50:54

Very special.

Yvette: 50:56

Someone...

J Smiles: 50:56

That when you say they didn't work initially with those, the people who were trying or with those caregivers.

Yvette: 51:04

Oh my mom because she also didn't understand like, why.

J Smiles: 51:06

Why they even in here. That's what I was gonna say like, Why are they here? I don't need it yet. Right?

Yvette: 51:11

Exactly.

J Smiles: 51:12

I don't need any help no matter that.

Yvette: 51:14

It's like there's she's having these very moments of real like, I understand like, she was very mad like, Yvette, where are my key? That is not what the doctor said, I did not hear the doctor say that I cannot drive. You are making this up. You know, I'm just like,you know, so it's like this, like, very real moment. You know? And we're...

J Smiles: 51:37

And I'm the mama a real I'm the mama mom. I'm the mama and I want my damn keys.

Yvette: 51:44

She can't drive. So I g from one minute where she ha gotten outside and she's, the e's a car parked in front of our house that is not ours. And he's like, excuse me, sir, c n you please open the doo ? I don't know why my daughter's not giving me my key. But this is my car. And so I'm looking a

J Smiles: 52:01

She's about to get you arrested for elder abuse.

Yvette: 52:04

But there wasn't even right. Okay, but no, cuz Yeah. Now we're in front of the house. I'm like, mommy come inside. No, Yvette. But when she talks to me, it is so real.

J Smiles: 52:13

Right?

Yvette: 52:14

Why? So? Yeah, if someone did see us, they'd be like, well, Adriana sounds like very sure real, like why Yvette, you know, not given. So anyway, back to the 911, one night I think probably as you can imagine going through this. It was exhausting. mentally, physically, right. It was a one night thing my brother, you know, because we're also working. We're doing this. I guess he's tired. Mom, finally, because some nights also it was hard to get her to go to sleep.

J Smiles: 52:39

Right?

Yvette: 52:40

It was like, we was like 1, 2, or 3. Come on, mom. Let's go to bed like, so here's one night, I guess they get down. He goes to sleep, his fiance was like, Hey, I hear something. They're like, okay. It's probably mom like so they're listening. She's like, no, I see a light. Next they know they hear, Hello, LAPD. And so m brother is like hello? And he' like, sir, and the police ar going and he's like, Hey, thi is Eric McNally. I live here He's like, I'm not sure what' going on. I'm gonna walk out m room now. And they're like, sir please, slowly, but he can hea my mom. It's in that room. Th lady is back there. She' bleeding and he's like, my mo has dementia. And my mom goes I don't have no dementia. That' just my kids trying tell peop e I'm crazy. Pol

J Smiles: 53:28

What.

Yvette: 53:28

In our house.

J Smiles: 53:29

First of all my Do you know LAPD the history that we have they not always on our side mama please....chill

Yvette: 53:38

Two o'clock in the morning to call 911 so then that So let me tell you something. As a woman and that sounds some a man kind of clear. That's just my kids trying to make you think I'm crazy. That sounds very, very sane. Okay. Oh my goodness. My bother, like literally he like grabbed the first robe that happened to be in my room. He's like here I am now seeing the frickin pink silk robe

J Smiles: 54:05

I'm gonna say, silk pink with flowers.

Yvette: 54:08

With my mom behind the thing but now she's seeing Eric. She's like Eric come, come. She's not saying it's him, now she sees him and she is still scared.

J Smiles: 54:16

Of course cuz he's like Eric is not a girl. I know that's my son.

Yvette: 54:20

Right now they are looking. They're looking at my mom like and they're like, mamm, they're trying to tell her to stay back but she's literally creeping up the stairs behind. So he explained like, hey, it's just my fiance in here, there's no one else upstairs. You're welcome to go check. I'm sorry. This is what's going on. So yeah, that is it. This was sometime.

J Smiles: 54:41

This is not even. Not even a year in.

Yvette: 54:44

Not even a year in and we're still trying to figure it out.

J Smiles: 54:48

Right? You don't even know what's happening.

The snuggle-up: 54:51

Number one- No shift in your loved ones demeanor, physicality, personality, gait, eating, anything is too small or insignificant. We don't have time to play catch up, take them to the doctor. If the doctor blows you off but something in your spirit just isn't right, find a new doctor. Number two- Listen to your village. If there's a family member or friend who's been around your loved one a long time and they call you and say, Hey, your mama, your husband or your brother, your sister doesn't seem quite right, lean into that. snuggle up to it. Don't be offended that they noticed something that you did not pick up on. Put your ego on the shelf. Be grateful that the universe let another living angel open your eyes. Number three- Whoo-whee, keep some space on your credit card or a little extra on your virtual card or in your cash app, your PayPal, your piggy bank under the mattress. One day you might have to go get your mama from an airport from Alaska, at the Greyhound. You ain't gonna have time to go get the money. Keep you some pocket change. Number four- Join me every Monday night for a video broadcast, a vod cast. It's a video podcast. It's all about caregiving, but a completely different topic than we have here, same title Parenting Up in partnership with getvokal.com. Follow us on social media. Parenting Up has a presence on YouTube, Facebook and Instagram with unique caregiving content. That's it for now. Thank you for listening. Please subscribe for continuous caregiving tips, tricks, trends, and truth. Pretty Pretty please with sugar on top, share and review it too. I'm a comedian, Alzheimer's is heavy, but we ain't got to be.